Opening Up Your Heart

If you know me well, you know that Survivor has been (for 16 years now!) my favorite show on television. I love the challenges of endurance and teamwork and puzzles. I love the blindsides and the social play. I love the fire-building and shelter-making. I love the hunts for immunity idols. But most of all I love the authenticity. 

Survivor is, without a doubt, the most authentic reality show out there. These people aren't putting on an act. They aren't performing for an audience. They are stripped of their possessions and their families and friends. They are utterly themselves. This means they break down and cry. They scream at each other and have temper tantrums in which they throw rice. They form meaningful bonds with each other and ultimately grow as people. I can vaguely remember 3-4 contestants on The Voice, but I feel as if I personally know dozens of Survivor contestants.

I guess, my point is, I wish life were more like a Survivor island. I wish we could stop hiding and putting on performances and just be human for a second. I get so exhausted from acting certain ways around certain people. I'm trying to always be the teacher I think my principal will respect when he walks in the room. One of my students told me the other day that she had never seen me laugh and that made me feel miserable. I set up dating profiles as if they were a stage for a play rather than just an outpouring of who I am because I know that honesty scares people away.

I just want to hug someone without feeling awkward or share something personal without fearing judgment. I want to laugh out loud and not just politely smile and nod the rest of my life. I lock up my heart and do what is expected and tell everyone the same limited phrases like "I love my job" and "my new place is in a great location" and "grad classes are going well" because that's all anyone really wants to hear. I'm reading the book Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close right now and the emotions of the characters in that book are so raw and beautiful. They share their anxieties and firm beliefs and big questions and fears. The world doesn't always treat them kindly because of it. I hope to be that kind of person anyway. My heart is bursting at the seams. I just need to find my island and let it free.

Why I'm a Wannabe Nerd

Words like "nerd" or "geek" are stereotypically thought of as derogatory terms, but I find that most people that fall into these social categories use them with pride. I would too, if I could claim either. Being a geek means you are passionate about something and have found a niche. Being a nerd shows intelligence and great precision. I honestly find these types of people to be amazing and love to talk to all kinds of social categories, whether they are band geeks, science nerds, Star Wars geeks, chess nerds, technology geeks, literary nerds, or a combination of many types. These are the type of people that are innovating and building and creating to make our world a better place. Their knowledge and passion is inspiring and exciting. 

Unfortunately, I never found a spot on either side of this geek/nerd classification. I like learning about new technology, but when someone starts talking to me about different types of monitors or amounts of gigabytes, I am unable to converse or offer any insight at all. I have watched all the Star Wars, Star Trek, Marvel, Harry Potter, and LOTR movies and enjoyed them, but can't list all the characters or remember all the scenes in any of those movies. I enjoy video games, but I don't own several systems or go out and buy the latest games. I don't even know what the latests games are. Even in what people consider my area of expertise, literature, I am no nerd. I actually blew a job interview once because I couldn't tell the interviewers anything about James Joyce or Leo Tolstoy. I know the names and that's about it. So, I'm not even a qualified English nerd. 

But I really want to be. That's crazy huh? Everyone wants to be the "cool kids" and I just want to be geek or nerd. I wish I was so excited about a new season that I talked about it for weeks. I wish I was doing my own research or experiment or project, not for work or school, but for the enjoyment of it. I really just want to hold a conversation about some specific topic (whether its bikes or iPhones or plays or beer) without ever being lost or out of place. I guess I'll just have to settle for reading and watching and playing listening to a variety of things and loving them all without geeking out about anything in particular. 

My Top 10 Christmas Movies

One of the best parts about this time of year is the plethora of Christmas movies on TV. There are so many of them, so I know everyone has their own favorites, but these are definitely my top 10.

10. The Polar Express. I just watched this one today. The animation bothers me a little, but the magic of the bells sticks with me from the first time I watched it in theaters as a kid.

9. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. This one isn't on television as much as it used to be and it makes me sad. I always like the little elf that wanted to be a dentist.

8. The Holiday. This is more of romance, but this is probably one of my favorite Jack Black performances of all time. (I like this much better than Love Actually honestly).

7. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. Although not as good as the first, I can watch this one every Christmas season without growing tired of it.

6. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000). I know it's more popular to like the animated version, but I always laugh when watching Jim Carey's crazy antics.

5. Elf. "Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?" Will Ferrel's character is wonderfully innocent. This was also my first time ever seeing Zooey Deschanel in a movie.

4. Santa Clause is Coming to Town. This is by far my favorite of the classic animated Christmas movies. The best thing about these classics is the music. But this one has a good story too.

3. The Santa Clause. Tim Allen is just awesome in this movie and it is such a creative concept. It is one of the best writing in a Christmas movie too.

2. A Christmas Story. I have to watch this at least once every Christmas season (luckily TBS plays it for two days straight so it's not hard). It has so many memorable and hilarious moments.

1. Home Alone. Not only is this roll on the floor funny, it also hits on the importance of family despite our differences. The moment at the end when he realizes his mom is home is just the best.

Setting Expectations Too High

I think a lot of my friends would say that I usually "go with the flow." I'm usually down for dancing or movies or helping with a chore or going to a basketball game at the last minute. I like to be open to any opportunity that arises (plus I suck at saying no to anyone). But although I'm laid back in these situations, I always build up every situation in my head. I imagine that every experience will "awesome" and then am let down when things don't live up to the hype in my head.

I will plan a night downtown and in my head we dance and laugh and have the time of our lives. In reality, it's only two of us and none of the bars have any DJs and we drink too much and then go home and sleep.

I plan to go to a work retreat so I can learn new things for my classroom and interact with new people from other schools. In reality, sub plans take forever. I meet no one new because every school cliques together and the content of the workshop is repetitive and boring.

I planned to go to Scotland and thought I'd meet tons of locals and travel all over the island and meet lifelong friends and maybe even meet a guy. I imagined going to local pubs every night and discovering all the local hot spots. In reality, I had a hard time adjusting, difficulty making any friends, hated the food, and mostly just hit up the tourist areas on my own because I never talked to locals.

Even this past weekend, as I visited Iowa for the football game, I hyped up the experience. I assumed that if I'd be tailgating all day, I would talk to people from other tailgates and play games and make memories. In reality, it was freezing and most of the Iowa fans gave us death glares from their tents even when I smiled at everyone and we sat and waited for hours for what ended up to be an awful game.

I'm not sure if these events are caused by too much optimism or trying to control every situation too much or just bad circumstances. I'm not trying to be depressing. I'm just trying to think this through by writing it out. I guess I just need to stop expecting anything. That way, absolutely any outcome is refreshing and new because it can't be compared to my imagination. I guess that's why they say to "expect the unexpected."

What I Have Learned from My Cats

I'm currently living alone with two cats, so I think that officially makes me a cat lady at the age of 24. I can't say it's not entertaining though. And there are some beneficial learning moments.

1. Water is important. If you need a reminder to drink about 70 times a day, my cats are the ones for you. They drink out of the shower and the kitchen sink and any unfortunate cup I leave laying around. With their constant slurping, I can never forget to get my 8 glasses a day.

2. Speak up for what you want. I mean, what they want is always food, but they aren't afraid to speak out even if it is 2:00 in the morning when their tyrant of a master has done the unthinkable and left their food bowl empty for more than a few minutes.

3. Forgiveness is a virtue. I was holding Bowser down on his back to clip his nails today, screaming at him because he wouldn't stop squirming while he yelled back at me since I had obviously gone crazy. It was a sight to behold. But after several minutes of torture on both of our parts, he is now peacefully curled up next to me and purring. I guess it doesn't help to hold a grudge.

4. Alone time is totally acceptable. When I first brought Max to the house, there were many hissing matches between the two, but then they'd find their own spaces and chill out and everything was hunky dory. The choices of places to spend their alone time (on top of the kitchen cabinet, on top of the DVD player on the shelf, squished under a very low bed, or in the bathtub for example) were questionable, but they were much happier after cooling off by themselves.

5. There are many ways to sleep on a bed. After spending  years sleeping on the side of the bed furthest from the wall, I had forgotten a whole other side to my bed. Fortunately, Max broadened my horizons when he decided that my usual sleeping spot was his claimed sleeping spot. So I moved to the side by the window. Then Bowser felt left out and starting sleeping on that side. I've spent the week sleeping smack dab in the middle of the bed with pillows on each side to defend that area. It has been proven that every area of the bed has the same level of comfort. Great experiment overall.

An Open Letter to My Students...

I know many of you are scared. I know you feel misrepresented or unheard. You may be confused. I sure am. But I want you to know that I still care about you. I want you to know there are millions of kind and loving people in the United States. And even though many of those people lost an election, I truly believe in the power of these people.

I have seen your parents work as hard as they can to give you a better life, even though our current immigration system has made that nearly impossible. I have seen the battles your families have fought. I have seen you work each day to do your very best in school and I know you are a valuable member of the United States, no matter what any immigration status is.

I respect your religion. I love that you have faith. Believe what you want to believe. Pray to who you want to pray to (or don't pray at all.) You still have that freedom in America, no matter what Trump says and I will defend you with my every word and action. I know this doesn't change the abuse you get when you walk into a store. I know this doesn't change the awful words people have said about you. I want so bad to take that fear away from you. Because no child should feel ashamed of who they are. I makes me sick to my stomach. I am literally crying for you right now. I am holding on to the shred of hope that no matter who Trump chooses as judges that they take a judge's oath seriously and give us the freedoms we as Americans have sacrificed many, many lives for.

And please, girls, don't give up on any of your dreams. I know you want to be doctors and CEOs and pilots and judges. You can. It will be extremely difficult because America is hard on women. It never has been "great" for us. It has been getting better, but we are not given equal treatment. Please keep pushing through. Nothing will get better without effort. I will stand with you. Always.

And finally, try to forgive. Don't push people away. Not every Trump supporter is racist. Division isn't going to help. They have concerns too, even if you and I don't fully understand them. Make your voice known, but also open your ears. With an election season with such lack of respect, please remember to be kind even when you disagree. Don't let your light go out. Keep dreaming; keep hoping; keep loving. I love you all, no matter what your race, gender, religion, or language. You are important.

Revisiting My Bucket List

I made a bucket list on my blog in April of 2013 and thought it would be interesting to revisit it today to see if I had accomplished anything in three years. It turns out that I have worked to start several of them, which made me feel really good.


So what have I accomplished?


1. Adopt a pet from a shelter. Well, I ALMOST adopted a cat from a shelter, but then I found Bowser, a farm kitty, and it was meant to be. And then I recently adopted our family cat Max too. And life wouldn't be the same without those two.

2. Be conversational in Spanish. I am working on this one! I bought Rosetta Stone in the spring and am working slowly through the program. I still think I can accomplish this one.

3. Get a Master's Degree. Currently taking classes!

4. Get a tattoo. Done! I got a tattoo in May...and am already planning my next one.


So what's left?

1. Mostly lots of traveling. Half of the items on that list were things to see and I haven't gone on any of those vacations (50 States, Olympics, 7 Wonders of the World, waterfall, New Year's Eve in Times Square, snorkeling, paragliding, Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, or rainforest) yet. I did go to Scotland since I made the list though and once I pay off some student debt, I'll get back to work on this portion.

2. I still can't dance. Not even a little.

3. I don't own a home, but I live in my parents' house in Lincoln and can pretend like I own it. I've actually become less attached to this goal anyway, with a preference for living in a bustling city apartment.

4. I haven't published or really written anything (except this blog) and I do want to remember to continue writing, especially in my summers.


And I have a new one! I am planning on going to the Iowa for the football game this year and, since I've already been to two others, why not try for every football stadium in the Big 10? (This was my dad's idea, but I'm running with it.)

When I Grow Up...

Recently, I have been posting a lot on my blog about moments of success in my job. Moments that bring me joy and give me purpose and motivation to go on. These moments, though, are not my whole day. Not even close. I hold on to these moments and share them because I need to in order to counteract the time I lost my temper and yelled at a student. Or the time that I was lazy and handed out a worksheet just so I didn't have to teach today. The times when a class looks back at me with distant eyes or those 20 minutes I lose regularly just trying to get everyone to sit down and not talk.

I'm sharing this, not because I am in a bad mood or because want to post a negative blog, but because I have encountered many family members and friends in the last month that feel lost. They feel stuck in their career or town and are unsatisfied. I want to show, despite many people's perceptions, I do not have it all together. Very few of us have a obvious purpose and dream job. One day in school, a girl asked me if I always wanted to be a teacher. I truthfully told her no and explained my plans to be a journalist for a while. In actuality, it wasn't just this one phase. Even though I am happy most days at my job, I probably think for a moment at least once a week, "Is this what I want to do with the rest of my life?"

Some days I want to go to law school. Many days I want to stop life and write and write and read and write some more. Over fall break, I had the itch to travel. I wasted hours imagining how I could best do that. I changed from teaching English to teaching Reading in my first two years and am now working to teach English as a Second Language. Maybe I'll switch subject areas 10 more times. Or become a counselor. I don't know. The only thing I am sure of at this moment is that I remain open to every possibility. I have not "grown up" and hit the end point. I love my job. I love that I get to help people every single day. I don't have it all together. So, to every family member and friend that feels the same way, it's going to be okay. Listen to your heart. Never feel stuck. Keep looking forward.

A Few More Wonders of Teaching

1. Like most of students that are in Reading class, one girl adamantly "hates reading." She never wanted to check out a personal reading book, rolled her eyes when I suggested a book, and spent a lot of time fake reading. This girl is half Lakota and often wears Lakota jewelry and is obviously very proud of her heritage. One day in the library, I said, "You know there are books here about Native American tribes." This time, I didn't get a snooty look, sigh, or roll of eyes. Instead, just one word: Where? She has been reading these nonfiction books for 2-3 weeks now and doesn't want to stop at the end of reading time.

2. Something I have found really amazing in my time teaching is the gap of knowledge so many of my students have about high school and college. So many of them have families that didn't go to college. Many more have parents that didn't even attend high school in the United States. Nothing captures their attention more than starting something off, "In high school, you will..." Whenever I mention college, I get bombarded with questions. What are credits? How many classes do you take? What kind of papers do you write? Where do you live in college? How many students are in a class? And although I sometimes move off subject for these conversations, they are some of my most memorable teaching moments, when my students look beyond the chapter they have to read today and wonder and make goals for themselves. I really think these kids need more of this in their lives.

3. I have one student who is a collector of words. She was born in a refugee camp in southeast Asia and moved her only a few years ago. She learns very fast and is always listening attentively to everything around her. Her favorite thing is new English words. She carries a journal around and when she hears me say something unknown or reads a new word in a book, her face lights up and her hand raises quickly. I come over and give a definition and an example. She writes it down and for the next few minutes, I can always see her lips moving, as if testing it in her mouth over and over. It makes my day.

4. I called a student's mother recently to ask for the student to stay after school in order to catch up and get some extra help on an assignment. She gladly agreed and we worked for an hour. Then I sat with the student in the parking lot until his mom could make it to pick him up. She showed up in a cleaning van, wearing a white uniform with a young child sitting next to her, screaming. She leaned out the window and apologized for making me wait and thanked me for helping her son. I shook my head and said, "No, thank you for changing up your schedule. Thank you for helping him." She didn't respond, but I think about that smile she gave me all the time.

5. The Latino Club at my school sells Mexican candy as a fundraiser every month or so. I found that I am a big fan of Bubu Lubu, a chocolate candy with marshmallow and jelly stuff in it. I have one student that is working very hard to get all As this year and comes in after school to get help with not only my class, but his English class too. Each time I help him after school, he gives me a Bubu Lubu. I told him this isn't necessary. My job is to help him. He said, "Nah, I want to. Cause you helped me be good." I asked why that was. "Last year, you told me you knew what it was like to be the oldest kid and want to be a good example for my little brothers. You said if I worked hard, my mom and little brothers would be proud. And now they get to watch me get honors." If I'm completely honest, I don't remember this conversation he mentioned at all, but evidently he did. I enjoyed that candy he brought, but there has been nothing more satisfying than his words all year long.

The House That Built Me

On Sunday, my brother, father, and I all sat on a couch, the lone piece of furniture in an empty house. We said goodbye to the rooms filled to the brim with 25 years of memories. We had spent many hours moving furniture out and filling box after box. My mom and sister had already walked out the door for the last time. We were prepared, but the moment was still bittersweet. Our eyes filled with tears and our voices were caught in our throats.

The physical boxes were packed, but we took a moment to mentally pack up. We packed up the the countless holiday meals and birthday parties spent in the dining room. We packed the many hours spent remodeling a kitchen: picking the best paint colors, wandering around Menards every weekend for months, my mom painting each cabinet by hand. We remembered the railing where three kids sat at desks doing homework and watched TV while promising to at least try a bite of the vegetables on our plate. We packed up the bathroom, once highlighted by green carpet until after a spill of pink nail polish; a place where hair was curled and crimped and straightened.

Loaded were the stairs which had caused carpet burns from all the times we sledded down on our stomachs. Boxed up was the top step where Max watched over the house. We wouldn't forget the hallway that staged wars of Power Rangers, Beanie Babies, and Pokemon cards. We cleaned out each perfect hiding spot for hide-and-seek. We packed the rooms where we had slept and cried and listened to music at ear-splitting levels, the ones that transitioned from Disney themes to bright colors of Husker red, hot pink, and blue. I took the sunporch with me; the one that held so many toys, the one where I first became a teacher to Barbie dolls, Betty Spaghetti, and a collection of zoo animals.

Outside the house was packed in too. The circle of grass that was once shaded by a trampoline. The splashes and squeals of a pool where we played Marco Polo and mermaids. The patio that sometimes smelled of roasting marshmallows. We could never forget to pack our loyal pets Comanche and Chelsea, though they physically remain buried in the yard. The treasure hunts, climbs up the fort, games of HORSE, and even a summer turtle sanctuary came with us.

The good news is we fit it all. Each of our minds held the precious cargo with ease. In the years to come, our home will transition. We know it is capable of doing so. We've seen it. But the memories will remain. Thank you to the house that built me.

Little Wonders

This post is titled based on one of my favorite Rob Thomas songs. I have always believed it is the little things, the tiny twists and turns of fate, rather than the big things that define our lives. It is those little wonders that make me love my job day in and day out. Maybe I'm frustrated by a change in curriculum or exhausted after dealing with the same behaviors over and over. But then a moment comes along and I remember why I'm doing this. Here are some of my recent "little wonders."


1. One student, who I am constantly at odds with, came in with a grin one day. He handed me an envelope. Tucked inside was a letter he wrote to me. He apologized for his behavior and explained that he wanted to be better. He said he could communicate his feelings better in writing. I wrote him a letter back. We have been pen pals of sorts ever since.

2. I have a student who hates reading aloud. I never make him in front of the class, but I am required to listen to him for a fluency grade several times a quarter. I sat with him as he struggled word by word to read me a story. At the end, I thanked him and started walking away. He stopped me and said, "Thank you Miss Siel. You're a good listener."

3. Last year, I had one student who always forgot to turn in his homework. Every time. We talked about accountability. I teased him that I should put a tattoo on him that would say "Never forget to turn in the work for Miss Siel." He laughed, but about 15 minutes later he raised his hand. I came over and he asked me for my arm. I held it out and he wrote his initials on my arm in marker. "Your turn," he said and handed me the marker.  I was a bit confused, but I signed his arm. "Now you will always remember to be patient with me and smile more and I will remember to bring my homework every day." This only worked for about a week or two. He is in 8th grade this year and no longer in my class, but still in my building. I saw him the other day in the hall. He said, "I still remember my tattoo and I bring my homework almost every day," he bragged. I had to admit I remembered my tattoo too and it reminded me to be patient and smile.

4. I had a boy come to me before class the other day and ask me what he should do when taking a girl out on a date. I wanted to laugh, but he was dead serious and I was flattered that he felt comfortable asking me, so I gave him some suggestions on how to be polite and where he could go, etc. I couldn't help myself so I asked him who the lucky girl was. He smiled and told me it was his mom's birthday and she never went out because she was too busy taking care of him. He had saved up some money and was going to take her out on a date to celebrate because she deserved it.

5. A little girl, about 7-8 years old, walked into my room during parent-teacher conferences and started talking to me. A few minutes later, her mom came in and apologized and tried to get her daughter to follow her. The mother looked exhausted. I knew her from last year and knew that she was a single mother of three girls. I told her not to worry, Tessa and I would hang out together and she should just finish conferences and come pick her up later. I never had too many parents come as a reading teacher anyway. We watched funny videos and talked about books and drew pictures for the next 30-40 minutes until her mom came back. The relief in her mother's eyes and the numerous giggles from Tessa made it the best conference of the night.

Shouting: A Poem

I worked on this poem a while back. It was inspired by a graphic novel I read in college called Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi. My favorite quote of the book was "I had learned that you should always shout louder than your aggressor." Doesn't that seem to be so true in our political debates recently? After all the battles I have witnessed lately on Facebook and at lunch hour and in the media, I decided to pull the poem out again today. This is my product so far.

Shouting

They are shouting.

Words become bullets; piercing small, uncomprehending ears

or eardrums drowned in sticky wax from years of blind

opposition.

But they are missing their mark.

They are shouting.

Frustration boiled over through your radio or television.

A volcano charring the country's foundation with denial.

Or sputtering lava of blame onto one another.

We scramble and search for a button labeled 

mute, but the volume only gets louder.

The speakers are shaking, 

shaking closer and closer to the table's edge.

They are shouting.

With picket signs of blood red words and bandanas tied 

around their foreheads, they scream words like "equality",

"freedom" or "corruption" over and over until ideas become

war chants that sound like "E-dum-shun" or "Corr-free-ty" but never

"Compromise."

The Case of the Missing Tall Girls

Shout out to my friend Sarah for inspiring this blog post! As she and I were talking about books we were reading last weekend, we discovered that all the main characters in our recent books were tiny girls. If I list all the books I have read this year, any that had a female protagonist made a show of how that protagonist was petite. Why in the world is this? Where are the tall girls?

I think that authors try to give their characters a flaw or disadvantage to overcome in the books they write. Girls like Tris in Divergent or Clary from Mortal Instruments are more impressive because they are tiny and strong. Tiny girls in romances stand in contrast to their big, burly men. For some reason, tiny girls are supposed to be sweet and timid, and then when they are actually fiery, we are supposed to be surprised. We're not. Your body type doesn't define your personality.

This is, unfortunately, not a new issue. I remember a few years ago when Jennifer Lawrence was cast as Katniss in The Hunger Games and some people said she seemed way to tall or too "big-boned" for the role. Although I personally think Lawrence did an amazing job, here are some direct quotes from the book:
- "small in stature"
-"very slender"
-"strong for her size"
- "not very tall"
(-She also had olive skin and black hair, which were my main complaints, but that's another story.)

Suzanne Collins, as well as almost every other author ever, wrote about a small, white girl who could do big things. And, as Sarah said, how can the rest of ever relate to characters when they never look like us? This is a much, much bigger issue that deals with race representation in books, but I'm not going to go into it because it will just rile me up. I try to keep this blog fairly light-hearted. Back to height. Where was I? So, I'm brainstorming now and I can only think of one book ever (That Summer by Sarah Dessen) that had a tall girl as the protagonist. My Goodreads account recently told me I've read over 500 books, so you'd think more might pop up in my head. They not.

Sure, tiny girls might not be able to reach things or see over crowds. But tall girls aren't living a life of luxury. I'm only 5' 9" (not that tall) and I'll tell you it has disadvantages too. How about the fact that I have to bend over awkwardly for most photos? Or that I have to worry about not buying heels too high and looking like a giant? Or that I can't ever find shirts/pants/skirts that are long enough? Or that for some reason guys feel emasculated if you are even an inch taller than them? And people will always assume you play(ed) basketball or volleyball because of your height. We aren't perfect either. So, dammit, someone write a story about us!

The Last Five Guys to Hit On Me

I've been wanting to write this blog for some time because some experiences just need to be captured on paper. Hopefully all names or locations or withheld and all identities hidden. To disprove the common misconceptions from family and friends, I, of course, understood that all the following guys were hitting on me, and I was very polite to all of them (although that might have not been my best choice honestly.)


Guy #1: I saw this man as soon as I walked into Walmart with a list of random items to get. He stood near the door and stared at me as I got my cart. I wondered if he had a question or if he worked there, but he was only wearing a t-shirt and jeans. I smiled politely and walked into the store, heading to the electronics section in the back. A few minutes later, I felt like I was being watched. Turned around and there he was, trailing me. Still didn't have a shopping cart of anything in his hands. As I meandered around the store, taking forever as I always do, I saw the guy at least 10 more times. Always staring. Never shopping. I was a bit freaked out and wishing I had asked a friend to come with me at this point. He finally came up to me as I was in the allergy medicine aisle. He spoke in broken English and asked me for my phone number. I declined as nicely as possible and decided to check out. He followed me all the way to the check-out line, looking like a sad puppy and as I was bagging my stuff he yelled out "Pleeease." Yep. That happened.

Guy #2: I was working at my job at the baseball field and trying to find something in the storage room. I was climbing up on a counter to look for something (Souvenir cups I believe) and suddenly I could feel somebody right behind me. So close he was like breathing on me. I turned and greeted the guy, who I knew as one of my co-workers.
"Just here to make sure you don't fall," he said.
I thanked him, found my item, and got down. We had a conversation about how cold it was in that room and I said I hoped to do outdoor chores the rest of the day and maybe get a tan.
"Then I will too," he said, "I'd love to sunbathe with you."
I didn't really know how I was supposed to respond to that, especially since I worked with his girlfriend most days in the kitchen. I ignored the guy for the rest of the day, but for weeks after that he would find me in the kitchen regularly (literally right next to his girlfriend) and sing the song Roxanne to me, or ask me what my plans were for the weekend.

Guy #3: Another coworker for the summer. This guy was probably 20 years older than me. We were super friendly with each other and talked every day. He made flirty comments a lot, but never anything inappropriate. So when he added me on Facebook, I gladly accepted. Until suddenly my Facebook messenger was being blown up by crazy, inappropriate messages. I promise, I am not a prude. If you've ever played Cards Against Humanity or any kind of Truth or Dare game with me, you would know I can be wildly inappropriate myself, but my immediate response was to delete and block him. Just not okay.

Guy #4: Walked into a convenience store after work one day to get a pop. The cashier mentioned my work polo and asked about the game I had worked at that night. The guy had gauges in his years and a streak of green in his hair. No judgement--just giving you a picture. As he took my money, we chatted about the fireworks they do on Fridays and how it always scares him. I grabbed my pop and he said something about seeing me around and then proceeded to pull his notebook from underneath the counter that was filled with Nazi signs.

Guy #5: Back at school now. Chilling in the teacher's lounge during my plan period. I'm sitting on the couch writing up lesson plans on my computer. A guy walks in and says hi. I've known him for the whole year I've been there. Usually talking about his kids or his ex-wife or the "good old days" when he played football. I offered him a cookie (I made a batch to share with all the staff that day.) He took one and sat at a nearby table.
"You seem a lot more friendly this year. I see you around all the time. You seemed really shy last year," he said.
I smiled and said I was working on it.
It was silent for several minutes. I went back to work. Then out of nowhere:
"I like your hair. Usually I like long hair, but yours is good for me."
What in the heck do you say to that? "Good for me"? Am I doing my hairstyles based on your preferences now?
I muttered something about how it was easier to take care of at this length.
"Yeah I bet. I kinda like a high-maintenance girl though. So it's my birthday this weekend..."
He proceeded and went on and on for like 10 minutes about what he should do for his birthday and how I should hit him up on Facebook and how we should go out to a bar together and I should pick the one I liked the best...on and on and on.
I did not hit him up on Facebook. In fact, I avoid him most of the time now. Is that rude? Probably. But now you see the guys I'm dealing with. Do you blame me?

So, if anyone reading this has any guy in mind, I really am open to meeting new people. I mean if they aren't 20 years older than me, a stalker, already in a committed relationship, or a neo-Nazi, chances are I'll be super impressed.

Things I Have Said As a Middle School Teacher

People are always talking about the crazy things kids say, but the words that have come out of my mouth since I became a teacher are what are surprising to me. Here are some examples just from this school year. Seriously.

1. "How did you even carry 200 candy bars in here without a bag?....Never mind. No I do not want to buy any. Thank you."

2. "Don't touch his face. That's how pink eye is spread."

3. "Quit stuffing things down your pants."

4.  "Do not get up during reading time unless you are bleeding or vomiting."

5. "If I see that bottle of pop out one more time, I will take it and enjoy it with my lunch."

6. "I don't care if the music is on or not...you are neither deaf nor a robot so wires shouldn't be hanging out of your ears."

7. "Does that eraser really taste good? I'll try to get actual rubber-flavored ones next time."

8. "It's called Choose Your Own Adventure, not Choose Your Own Sound Effects."

9. "Using the restroom is not a team sport."

10. "You aren't gonna catch any Pokemon here. We're too far away from the park. Don't worry though, you'd never beat my level anyway. Hand me your phone."

11. "Unless there's some hidden person helping you read under there I suggest you keep your head above the table."

12. "Stop putting sticky notes on your face. Save it for art class."

13. "Does anyone remember what I was just said?.... (silence).... Yeah, me neither. Let's move on then."

14. "I love your shoes, but could you put them on a less bright setting...yeah the red will work."

7 Things I Learned Working at a Concession Stand

Last summer I worked at Red Lobster and wrote a "what I learned" blog post about that and then I have written one about my full time job as a teacher. This summer, I worked as a cashier and then a stand lead for over 100 baseball games. This is what I learned.

1. People go crazy for a sale. On dollar Thursdays, 3 times as many people would show up just to eat hot dogs for $1. I saw people order 12 hotdogs for just 2 people. I saw groups of people fight over hot dogs when I brought out a fresh batch. The last Thursday I worked, I scooped popcorn into dollar bags non-stop for a whole hour and never had more than one unsold bag sitting on the counter at a time. It's pure madness. Yesterday, it wasn't our usual sale, but we were selling Skittles for half price. That is $2 instead of the ridiculous $4 it starts out as (more on that in #2). People were going crazy over Skittles, usually our least popular item.

2. The prices are ridiculous...and we know it. Selling regular size candy that is probably 75 cents at a convenience store for $4 is just plain wrong. But I blame the crazy customers that fork over that amount of cash more than the managers at the ballpark. If I wasn't working there and getting one free meal per day, I wouldn't be buying much of anything. One scoop of Dip N' Dots for $7? No thanks. One time, a new substitute manager came in and asked me what the best food in the park was. I recommended our barbecue nachos and mentioned they were the best deal too (most food for your money). Later, he came back and told me I was right and they would have to up the price next year. He's right, people will buy it for even more than $9.

3. There is a big difference between French fries and waffle fries. I am not a big fry person myself, but I now know that these things can stir up some big emotions. We changed our type of fries a few times in the year and got big reactions. One guy dumped a whole basket of waffle fries on the ground in front of me and asked for my manager when I told him those were the only kind we had. Evidently they weren't "French fries" as we advertised. Another guy yelled at me because he "came to the game assuming he'd get waffle fries and now he didn't want to be here anymore." No joke.

4. I learned to work with all kinds of people. Not just unhappy customers, but also employees of all kinds. As a stand lead, I knew my job would be completely different every night depending on my crew. Some people handle high stress situations very well. Some have complete meltdowns. Some people are super organized and clean. Others will trash the place before the end of the night. Some need lots and lots of direction and some want to do it on their own (or tell you how to do it). I do think I learned a lot about managing all of these personalities and hopefully this will help me in ventures later in my life.

5. We throw out a lot of food. It was super unfortunate. My job as a lead was to keep an eye on inventory and make sure there wasn't too much waste or that we didn't run out, but sometimes you can't predict these things. There were a few days in which I personally dumped a full pan of hot dogs into the trash. I offered them to everyone I knew first, trust me, but leftover hot dogs aren't the most appealing item.

6. I am so sick of Fairbury hot dogs, Colby Ridge popcorn, nachos, pretzels, and chicken tenders that I think I'll go a year without eating any of them. 

7. I learned to stand up for myself. I'm not very good at telling people when I'm upset or when I need something, but this year I spoke up for myself and was able to get a raise out of the deal.

Did I work way too much this summer? Yes. But I made some money for student loans and learned some lessons along the way.

The Rest is Still Unwritten...

On my way to the first day of school this year, I turned on the radio to find the song "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. I hadn't heard the song in ages and turned it up and sang it on my way. It seemed like such an appropriate song for a first day, with lyrics like "staring at the blank page before you" and "today is where your book begins." It put me in a good mood.

Strangely enough, I have heard that song now two more times on the radio this week. It is a song from 2004, so this is very unusual, but somehow it keeps reminding me that each new day is unexplored and full of possibilities. In a chapter of my life when a lot of things are changing such as friends growing apart and my parents moving to Arizona and my sister going back to college, it sometimes feels like the future is a bit unknown and scary.

But that is the beauty of it isn't it? Anything can happen. I can start a new job, move any place I want, take up a new hobby, meet a new person, learn something new. These things can happen everyday and as long as I "live [my] life with arms wide open." Some things end and some things begin and you don't know when they will. "The pen's in my hand. Ending unplanned." And that's the way we should live.

On a personal note, for my family and friends that keep up with this blog, I have started teaching my second year at Park Middle School. I switched to teaching exclusively Reading instead of both Reading and English. So far, I love the smaller classes and more individualized attention I can give to my students. I am also attending Arizona State University online for a Master's Degree in English as a Second Language starting this fall. I moved up to a townhouse in the Highlands of Lincoln that my parents bought this summer and Bowser and I love it. I am very excited for this year and all the yet unwritten opportunities.

Love Trumps Hate

“Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can.”-John Wesley

This is a sentiment I try to think about every single day. Have I done good for someone today? Am I doing this for my benefit or the good of everyone? How can I make this better? It has been something very important to me for about five years now. As a freshman in college, I had a really hard time. I lived the cliché of "finding myself." I had gone into college as a Journalism major because I thought I was a good writer and should do something that would give me praise and notoriety. You should do things you are good at, right? But I didn't feel good doing it. 

It wasn't until I switched to education and walked into my first classroom that I realized this was where I could personally do the most good for the most people. That felt really good. I make almost all my decisions in my education, my career, and my life based on the mantra above. But that doesn't mean I don't mistakes. I make them all the time.  

Once, when I was a senior in high school I was driving my brother and sister to school like I always did. I was singing along to the radio and Josh reached over and changed the station. And I slapped him. Right across the face. I can make up any excuse I want to, but the truth is I wanted the song I wanted and didn't want to compromise. That side of myself scares me. I think about that moment all the time. I wonder if Josh has always resented me for acting like that with him. And I try to show him and my sister love and generosity every chance I get because of it. I don't always succeed. I talk over them at the dinner table. I get angry and jealous. I lie. I don't call them enough when I'm wrapped up in my own world. 

I was reminded once again of this drive that I want to push me through my whole life as I watched the acceptance speech from Hillary Clinton tonight. She used part of Wesley's quote in her speech. She has dedicated her life to public service and she could easily be retired now, but still want to serve for "as long as ever you can." I try not to be political on social media. It only seems to instigate hate rather than love. And I don't like to bash any candidate because I truly believe there is value in every single person (even Donald Trump.) 

I have to say today, though, that I got very inspired and emotional watching Hillary accept the nomination. Just a few months ago I told my father that I didn't think I would ever see a woman president in my lifetime. It was something every little girl said they would be someday and it was as believable as saying they would become a princess or a superhero. It was a great idea, but it was never going to happen. And now, in a few short months, it just might. Hillary Clinton has made mistakes. Some were big and may have hurt others just like mine. But despite the names she's called every day and despite her falling short of her goals again and again and again, she has kept moving and working and trying. And no matter if she becomes president or not, I hope I can be like her and still working and rising up and loving others enough to help them my entire life. Because love does trump hate.

Best Things About a Rainy Day

1. When you work at a baseball park, sometimes games get cancelled. Yippee!

2. You have an excuse not to leave your house (or your bed) all day. Most relaxing day I've had in months.

3. Netflix or SVU marathon on TV. Such choices.

4. I get to chill with my cat.

5. It makes everything pretty and green.

6. I slept like a baby last night. Love to sleep to the soundtrack and smell of real rain.

7. I went outside briefly and that cool rain felt amazing on my sunburned legs.

8. Splashing in puddles is awesome.

9. There are no bugs bothering you when it's raining.

10. I actually got some things done around the house. Hard to believe.

11. Sweatpants.

12. I actually sat down and wrote something, even if it was silly.

My Summer Reading List 2016

Along with writing in my blog regularly again, I want to start really reading again. My goal is to finish 10 books this summer. I just went through my to-read list (I have over 200 books on this list. It will never end.) and picked out the ones I want to read this summer. Thought I'd share them here. I tried to blend in both nonfiction and fantasy. Two of the books, Gone and A Long Walk to Water, were recommended by my students this year. If you have read any of these, let me know what you thought. If you have any other recommendations, I always accept them.

1. Columbine by Dave Cullen (I'm already half-way through this one and it is AMAZING so far. Great storytelling)

 What really happened April 20, 1999? The horror left an indelible stamp on the American psyche, but most of what we "know" is wrong. It wasn't about jocks, Goths, or the Trench Coat Mafia. Dave Cullen was one of the first reporters on scene, and spent ten years on this book-widely recognized as the definitive account. With a keen investigative eye and psychological acumen, he draws on mountains of evidence, insight from the world's leading forensic psychologists, and the killers' own words and drawings-several reproduced in a new appendix. Cullen paints raw portraits of two polar opposite killers. They contrast starkly with the flashes of resilience and redemption among the survivors. (less)

2. Summer Sisters by Judy Blume

In the summer of 1977, Victoria Leonard's world changed forever—-when Caitlin Somers chose her as a friend. Dazzling, reckless Caitlin welcomed Vix into the heart of her sprawling, eccentric family, opening doors to a world of unimaginable privilege, sweeping her away to vacations on Martha's Vineyard, a magical, wind-blown island where two friends became summer sisters...

Now, years later, Vix is working in New York City. Caitlin is getting married on the Vineyard. And the early magic of their long, complicated friendship has faded. But Caitlin has begged Vix to come to her wedding, to be her maid of honor. And Vix knows that she will go—for the friend whose casual betrayals she remembers all too well. Because Vix wants to understand what happened during that last shattering summer. And, after all these years, she needs to know why her best friend—her summer sister—still has the power to break her heart...

3. Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk by Ben Fountain

Billy Lynn's Long Half-Time Walk is a razor-sharp satire set in Texas during America's war in Iraq. It explores the gaping national disconnect between the war at home and the war abroad.

Ben Fountain’s remarkable debut novel follows the surviving members of the heroic Bravo Squad through one exhausting stop in their media-intensive "Victory Tour" at Texas Stadium, football mecca of the Dallas Cowboys, their fans, promoters, and cheerleaders.

4. Half of the Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

With effortless grace, celebrated author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie illuminates a seminal moment in modern African history: Biafra's impassioned struggle to establish an independent republic in southeastern Nigeria during the late 1960s. We experience this tumultuous decade alongside five unforgettable characters: Ugwu, a thirteen-year-old houseboy who works for Odenigbo, a university professor full of revolutionary zeal; Olanna, the professor’s beautiful young mistress who has abandoned her life in Lagos for a dusty town and her lover’s charm; and Richard, a shy young Englishman infatuated with Olanna’s willful twin sister Kainene. Half of a Yellow Sun is a tremendously evocative novel of the promise, hope, and disappointment of the Biafran war.

5. Here, There Be Dragons by James A. Owen

An unusual murder brings together three strangers, John, Jack, and Charles, on a rainy night in London during the first World War. An eccentric little man called Bert tells them that they are now the caretakers of the Imaginarium Geographica -- an atlas of all the lands that have ever existed in myth and legend, fable and fairy tale. These lands, Bert claims, can be traveled to in his ship the Indigo Dragon, one of only seven vessels that is able to cross the Frontier between worlds into the Archipelago of Dreams.

Pursued by strange and terrifying creatures, the companions flee London aboard the Dragonship. Traveling to the very realm of the imagination itself, they must learn to overcome their fears and trust in one another if they are to defeat the dark forces that threaten the destiny of two worlds.

6. Red Rising by Pierce Brown

Darrow is a Red, a member of the lowest caste in the color-coded society of the future. Like his fellow Reds, he works all day, believing that he and his people are making the surface of Mars livable for future generations. Yet he spends his life willingly, knowing that his blood and sweat will one day result in a better world for his children. But Darrow and his kind have been betrayed. Soon he discovers that humanity already reached the surface generations ago. Vast cities and sprawling parks spread across the planet. Darrow—and Reds like him—are nothing more than slaves to a decadent ruling class.

Inspired by a longing for justice, and driven by the memory of lost love, Darrow sacrifices everything to infiltrate the legendary Institute, a proving ground for the dominant Gold caste, where the next generation of humanity's overlords struggle for power. He will be forced to compete for his life and the very future of civilization against the best and most brutal of Society's ruling class. There, he will stop at nothing to bring down his enemies... even if it means he has to become one of them to do so. 

7. Gone by Michael Grant

In the blink of an eye, everyone disappears. Gone. Except for the young.

There are teens, but not one single adult. Just as suddenly, there are no phones, no internet, no television. No way to get help. And no way to figure out what's happened.
Hunger threatens. Bullies rule. A sinister creature lurks. Animals are mutating. And the teens themselves are changing, developing new talents—unimaginable, dangerous, deadly powers—that grow stronger by the day. It's a terrifying new world. Sides are being chosen, a fight is shaping up. Townies against rich kids. Bullies against the weak. Powerful against powerless. And time is running out: On your birthday, you disappear just like everyone else... 

8. This Star Won't Go Out by Esther Earl

A collection of the journals, fiction, letters, and sketches of the late Esther Grace Earl, who passed away in 2010 at the age of 16. Photographs and essays by family and friends will help to tell Esther’s story along with an introduction by award-winning author John Green who dedicated his #1 bestselling novel The Fault in Our Stars to her.

9. Feed by Mira Grant

The year was 2014. We had cured cancer. We had beaten the common cold. But in doing so we created something new, something terrible that no one could stop. 

The infection spread, virus blocks taking over bodies and minds with one, unstoppable command: FEED. Now, twenty years after the Rising, bloggers Georgia and Shaun Mason are on the trail of the biggest story of their lives - the dark conspiracy behind the infected. The truth will get out, even if it kills them. 

10. A Long Walk to Water by Linda Sue Park 

The New York Times bestseller A Long Walk to Water begins as two stories, told in alternating sections, about two eleven-year-olds in Sudan, a girl in 2008 and a boy in 1985. The girl, Nya, is fetching water from a pond that is two hours’ walk from her home: she makes two trips to the pond every day. The boy, Salva, becomes one of the "lost boys" of Sudan, refugees who cover the African continent on foot as they search for their families and for a safe place to stay. Enduring every hardship from loneliness to attack by armed rebels to contact with killer lions and crocodiles, Salva is a survivor, and his story goes on to intersect with Nya’s in an astonishing and moving way.

12 Things I Learned in My First Year of Teaching

It has been a LONG time since I posted one of these. This is mostly because 2nd semester of the school year kicked my butt. I have never been more exhausted in my life (and I thought finals week couldn't be beat). Hopefully, all of this year has made me a better teacher going into next year. I have certainly learned a lot.

1. Some lessons just have to be improvised. That's the way it works. I always wanted to be ahead of the game and write out detailed lesson plans for the week, but when the printer isn't working or the video won't play or you see a room full of blank faces, the whole week changes. It must. Trying to make a lesson work or wasting 15 minutes on technology malfunctions isn't serving the kids.

2. Middle school mean girls are still alive and well. I vividly remember the reminders about my appearance by other girls in my early teenage years. And they aren't exclusive to kids. If my hair was a mess, my clothes not "in style", or my makeup not done, they were the first to let me know. The big difference now is my self worth isn't tied to my appearance. And I tried my best to show my students that theirs shouldn't be either. I told them they were thoughtful or a good leader or hard-working. But every once in a while I just couldn't resist telling a 7th grader that I loved their shirt/hair/shoes to see their face brighten.

3. You have to pick your battles. Students often would say or do something just to get me off track or make me react. I played into it way more than I would like to admit. I learned that it is so important to shrug some things off in order to do the best for the most kids at that time. Often times a personal conversation later on does a whole lot more good than reprimanded that kid in front of the class anyway. Sometimes ignoring is enough too.

4. Make friends with the custodians. I spent way too many hours at my school, but the biggest benefit of this was the evening conversations I had with the custodians. Once I formed relationships with them, they were much more likely to take time to do extra tasks in my classroom or bring extra supplies.

5. Create routines. And follow through with them. I was terrible at this. One of my top priorities for next year and to really have a system for putting books away and handing papers out and borrowing pencils and using the pencil sharpener and signing out for the restroom and going to the library. These seems mundane, but without a clear, established system, chaos ensues.

6. Reflect. Some lessons succeed. Some fail. But I take note of both. What was it that triggered the success or the failure? How can I use this in my next lesson. Every day is connected to the last and I learned to take a moment to really think or even write these reflections down.

7. Laugh at yourself. I try to show my kids I am human too. When I misspell something on the board or say something ridiculous and would always stop and admit the mistake. I like that they saw I wasn't perfect. Sometimes I would use vocab words and write a silly story about me or the class and I swear they always did better on those tests.

8. I need to ask my students questions. At the end of the year, I asked students to write down one piece of advice for me. Of course, many said we should listen to music more or write less, but some had great ideas about new projects to do or extra puzzles to work on if they finished an assignment early. I also let my reading kids pick their own books based on genres they liked my last semester and I think they opened up a lot more when they had some choice.

9. I need to ask for help. I hate asking for help. I want to do it all myself. I feel like using others is a weakness. But others have more experience, materials, etc. and really helped my sanity whenever I took a chance and asked.

10. Organization is key. I always felt pretty organized when I was in school myself, but with over 100 kids every day, I misplaced piles of papers frequently. It is so important to have designated spots for everything. So, so important.

11. Parents are a great resource. I was terrified of parents coming into the year. I didn't know how to interact with them or what in the heck to say at conferences. I dreaded calling home. But I learned to the connections I made with parents served my students so well. I was able to get assistance for those students who couldn't manage to hand in homework assignments and got insight into how best to deal with disruptive behaviors. I was able to schedule more after school work time that students actually showed up to. Sometimes just the suggestion of a call home was enough to make a student think twice.

12. Celebrate the successes. I went to a workshop mid-school year with a teacher I worked with in a practicum last year. He asked how I was doing and it had been a long day. I sighed and said, "I'm learning." I'm sure he could see the exasperation and defeat on my face. He asked me to tell him one success I had had in the classroom. I honestly couldn't think of anything. I felt like such a failure. We were interrupted and I never answered the question, but in the weeks following, I kept asking myself the same question. What success did I have today/this week/this quarter? Even a minor thing like one student improving or one creative lesson helped me feel better.

My Film Frenzy in February

If you have been a reader of my blog for a while, you probably know that I love awards season. I get so excited in January and February to tune into the Golden Globes and SAGS and Oscars. It isn't because of the dresses. Just because I am a girl doesn't mean I care at all about fashion. I really enjoy watching actors being recognized for accomplishments. I feel like I know these actors from their work and am connected to them.

What frustrates me, though, is that I never have seen very many of the movies. Most award shows go like this. "I have no idea if Leo should win this year because I haven't seen any of the movies in his category." "Why is this movie winning so much? I need to see it!"

So, this year, I decided I would see all the Oscar nominees in every category. Every single one. I wanted to see the best of the best. I wanted to be in awe of the cinematography. I wanted to discover a new favorite actor. I was excited. The problem was that I decided this on February 1st and needed to see over 30 movies in exactly 30 days. At this point, all I had seen was Star Wars, Cinderella, Inside Out, and Bridge of Spies. It wasn't a good start. The task was insane.

I spent every weekend in February in movie marathons. I watched all the short films at the Ross in town. I went to the Best Picture Festivals at the Grand. I drove to Omaha to see four films I couldn't find in Lincoln. I watched online after school many days. I may or may not have obtained a few movies without paying.

But I did it. I saw them all.

So what did I learn?

1. I love movies! Even more than I thought. It was seriously one of the best experiences ever. I want to do it again. (Maybe I'll start earlier though next year).

2. I might be a movie snob. I honestly haven't liked many movies recently. I am so tired of superheroes and sequels. These movies were actually original. Turns out I also really like foreign films. And documentaries. I kept seeing the same people at the movies and thought "these are my people." Too bad my people are mostly retired couples.

3. I love learning. I already knew this, but I didn't realize how much I would learn just watching movies. My favorite movies were about topics I didn't know a lot about. I watched movies about wars and the financial crisis and Turkish culture and musicians and space and border security and the Ukranian revolution. I feel like a more educated person. It was amazing.

4. The Academy doesn't think like me...at all. I loved all of the Best Pictures nominees except one. And that one was the winner. I loved all the foreign films except one...that one was the winner. Seriously? What were you thinking?

5. Netflix is a wonderful thing. You know this of course. I just love that the framework of Netflix is not centered on number of viewers so they can afford to make some great documentaries that everyone can access without budget limitations. It is a great thing for the movie industry. So maybe you can switch it up one day and watch Winter on Fire instead of yet another episode of Fuller House (don't worry, I watched all of that too.)

So...you might be asking, "What was your favorite movie?" The answer is...I can't decide. I loved so many. But here is my short list of recommendations in case you want to watch something new.

1. The Big Short
2. The Revenant
3. Winter on Fire
4. Mustang
5. Brooklyn

Our Final Stops of Nebraska Passport

I realized recently that I had forgotten to let my blog readers know that Hillary and I completed our Nebraska tour by the end of September. We hit all 80 stops all across the state. For our efforts, we each won a Nebraska duffel bag, a Nebraska chip/dip tray, lots of local snacks, and some scratch tickets. But most of all we won the experience of a lifetime. Yes, it was SO many hours in our cars, but we saw all Nebraska has to offer and here are the highlights from the remaining tours.

5. I <3 ART

The Stops: Bone Creek Museum of Agrarian Art in David City, Carnegie Arts Center in Alliance, Love's Jazz and Art Center in Omaha, Lux Center for the Arts in Lincoln, Museum of Fur Trade in Chadron, Petrified Wood and Art Gallery in Ogallala, Red Path Gallery in Seward.

Our Top Picks: We are not big art people, so this is hard for us to judge, but I'd saw it was a toss-up between Red Path Gallery, which had some fantastic art by Nebraska artists. I actually want to go back there again to walk around since it is so close to Lincoln and Petrified Wood and Art Gallery. That museum was run by twin brothers who have been collecting since they were little boys and they had stories to tell. I wish we could have stayed longer there because they were entertaining. Most of these art folks were wonderful people. In David City, a couple gave us a wonderful tour and, in Alliance, two ladies stayed open a few minutes late just because we called ahead. 

6. ONE OF A KIND

The Stops: Hollywood Candy in Omaha, Lee's Legendary Marbles in York, Meadville Store in Ainsworth, Moonstruck Meadery in Bellevue, Sew Blessed in McCook, Solid Rock in Kearney, The Whistle Stop in Basset, Yankee Peddler West in Fremont

Our Top Pick: Meadville Store in Ainsworth was an experience we won't forget. It wasn't really a store, but a bar in the middle of nowhere. This was another time on the trip where we thought we might be stuck in the mud and lost forever with no cell phone service. The only time we stopped to ask for directions was in Ainsworth. But once we got there, we had a drink at the bar and the couple was extremely friendly. I guess a lot of people get married out there in the park. It was definitely "one of a kind." The marbles museum in York was also very unique though. 

7. CHILL & CHAT

The Stops: Balcony House B&B in Imperial, Historic Golden Hotel in O'Neil, Liberty House B&B in Seward, Oft's B&B in Bennington, Pine Valley Resort in Long Pine, The Kaley House in Red Cloud, The Spirit of Brownville, Whispering Pines B&B in Nebraska City

Our Top Pick: Although we really like most of these stops, we stayed the night at Pine Valley Resort and that was amazing. It was probably the most laid-back part of our trip. We got there early and took in the whole place. It was a cozy little cabin. We went and got groceries and made dinner (and snacks and drinks) in our kitchen. We hiked down the the creek and ventured into town. It was so peaceful and beautiful there. We also were able to stay the night at the B&B in Imperial and that was our very first Bed and Breakfast experience, so that was cool too. We even talked about giving the B&B in Nebraska City a try if we ever had a girls' getaway again.

8. NEBRASKA LEGENDS

The Stops: Andrew Jackson Higgins National Memorial in Columbus, Arbor Lodge in Nebraska City, Arthur Bowring Ranch in Merriman, General Crook House in Omaha, John G. Neihardt Historic Site in Bancroft, Ponca Tribal Museum in Niobrara, Senator George Norris Historic Site in McCook, Willa Cather Historic Site in Red Cloud

Our Top Pick: At Ponca Tribal Museum, they invited us to a powwow. I mean how can you beat that? We didn't actually get to go, but the man that runs this place was hilarious. He evidently sits out at this secluded house and makes drums all day and he loved telling us stories. He was absolutely a joy and even though we had to drive way out of our way on the way to Minneapolis, he made us glad we did. 

9. HAPPY HEART

 The Stops: Cowboy Trail (Ainsworth to Long Pine), Platte River State Park in Louisville, Awarii Dunes in Axtell, Fontenelle Forest in Bellevue, Graham Canoe Outfitters in Valentine, Spring Creek Audubon Center in Denton, Hudson-Meng Education and Research Center in Chadron, Pioneers Park Nature Center in Lincoln

Our Top Pick: This was supposed to be an active trip, but we didn't do much activity. I wish we were able to kayak/tube on the Niobrara and really walk through the Hudson-Meng boneyard and the Fontenelle Forest, but since we didn't do any of this stuff, my top pick has to go to Cowboy Trail. We walked this on our night in Long Pine and probably just stood silently on that beautiful old railroad bridge for half an hour. That place will always be special to me. I also want to mention that Spring Creek Audubon Center was our first and last stop since it was closed the first time we went. Worked out perfectly.


10. ONLY IN NEBRASKA

The Stops: Agate Fossil Beds in Harrison, Boys Town, Buffalo Bill Ranch in North Platte, Homestead National Monument in Beatrice, Scotts Bluff National Monument in Gering, The State Capitol in Lincoln, Stuhr Museum in Grand Island, Woodland Trails Art in Winnebego

Our Top Pick: Personally, it was Scotts Bluff for me. We had added Chimney Rock to our trip, assuming that would be better, even though it wasn't on any of our official stops, but after going to Scotts Bluff, I understand why they picked that. So much more impressive. It really looks like a gateway to the west. 

I chose to put this tour last, though, because the experiences surrounding these stops were some of the most memorable. After stopping in Harrison at the fossil beds, we really needed to get Alliance and were short on time. Google Maps indicated a short cut, but we didn't see it. Suddenly, I yelled at Hillary to stop because I thought I saw something. She was sure it was just a driveway or makeshift road between fields, but sure enough it was labeled "Cut Across Road." We laughed about that forever. Also, we accidentally crashed a wedding in North Platte, which led to even more laughs. In the State Capitol, we couldn't find anyone to stamp our passport so I climbed over the counter to stamp myself to the shock of Hillary. In short, this trip was full of laughs and memories that will last a lifetime. If you are considering doing the 2016 tour, we strongly encourage it. Take an adventure right here at home. :)

Battles Beyond What We See

The most utterly important lesson I have learned as a middle school teacher is to think about motivations. What is my motivation for teaching this lesson? What is your motivation for writing this personal narrative? What motivates this behavior (good or bad)? We don't do what we do for no reason at all.

Middle schoolers, though, don't always realize what motivates them. They act out and can't articulate their feelings. At the beginning of the school year, I tried to make them reason. This is laughable now. A student would be yelling in class and I'd pull them out in the hallway and ask what was wrong. The response would be something along the lines of "I hate you" or "This class sucks." I would prod more. "Why does it suck?" And I never once got a coherent answer.

But usually, it had nothing to do with me. It had nothing to do with English class. This was a ricochet from another battle. A battle beyond what I could see. Every once in a while I catch glimpses. One student tells me he doesn't care whether I call home because his mom is probably high anyway. A girl writes a story for class about a "dream" that involves vivid details of an abusive father. I hear a conversation in the hallway where a student says she "will never ever be as smart as her sister." I sit with a boy on the staircase who is crying because of what a bully said to him. A student comes in after class and tells me his cousin was shot in a gang fight and he just wanted to tell someone. So maybe they aren't focused today in class. Maybe they are fighting and yelling. Maybe they curse in your face. Or just don't bring their homework in. But they are motivated by something much deeper.

A friend on Facebook recently shared a post that said "Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always." That is the motto I live by now. I can't always know what motivates them. They sure aren't going to tell me. But kindness is a language they do understand. This is not to be confused with coddling or being a pushover. I have high expectations for my students. But, no matter how mad I am (and I was SO mad today) I have to try to maintain kind responses. I can't be another soldier for the enemy, whoever that enemy might be.