Recently, I have been posting a lot on my blog about moments of success in my job. Moments that bring me joy and give me purpose and motivation to go on. These moments, though, are not my whole day. Not even close. I hold on to these moments and share them because I need to in order to counteract the time I lost my temper and yelled at a student. Or the time that I was lazy and handed out a worksheet just so I didn't have to teach today. The times when a class looks back at me with distant eyes or those 20 minutes I lose regularly just trying to get everyone to sit down and not talk.
I'm sharing this, not because I am in a bad mood or because want to post a negative blog, but because I have encountered many family members and friends in the last month that feel lost. They feel stuck in their career or town and are unsatisfied. I want to show, despite many people's perceptions, I do not have it all together. Very few of us have a obvious purpose and dream job. One day in school, a girl asked me if I always wanted to be a teacher. I truthfully told her no and explained my plans to be a journalist for a while. In actuality, it wasn't just this one phase. Even though I am happy most days at my job, I probably think for a moment at least once a week, "Is this what I want to do with the rest of my life?"
Some days I want to go to law school. Many days I want to stop life and write and write and read and write some more. Over fall break, I had the itch to travel. I wasted hours imagining how I could best do that. I changed from teaching English to teaching Reading in my first two years and am now working to teach English as a Second Language. Maybe I'll switch subject areas 10 more times. Or become a counselor. I don't know. The only thing I am sure of at this moment is that I remain open to every possibility. I have not "grown up" and hit the end point. I love my job. I love that I get to help people every single day. I don't have it all together. So, to every family member and friend that feels the same way, it's going to be okay. Listen to your heart. Never feel stuck. Keep looking forward.
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