Battles Beyond What We See

The most utterly important lesson I have learned as a middle school teacher is to think about motivations. What is my motivation for teaching this lesson? What is your motivation for writing this personal narrative? What motivates this behavior (good or bad)? We don't do what we do for no reason at all.

Middle schoolers, though, don't always realize what motivates them. They act out and can't articulate their feelings. At the beginning of the school year, I tried to make them reason. This is laughable now. A student would be yelling in class and I'd pull them out in the hallway and ask what was wrong. The response would be something along the lines of "I hate you" or "This class sucks." I would prod more. "Why does it suck?" And I never once got a coherent answer.

But usually, it had nothing to do with me. It had nothing to do with English class. This was a ricochet from another battle. A battle beyond what I could see. Every once in a while I catch glimpses. One student tells me he doesn't care whether I call home because his mom is probably high anyway. A girl writes a story for class about a "dream" that involves vivid details of an abusive father. I hear a conversation in the hallway where a student says she "will never ever be as smart as her sister." I sit with a boy on the staircase who is crying because of what a bully said to him. A student comes in after class and tells me his cousin was shot in a gang fight and he just wanted to tell someone. So maybe they aren't focused today in class. Maybe they are fighting and yelling. Maybe they curse in your face. Or just don't bring their homework in. But they are motivated by something much deeper.

A friend on Facebook recently shared a post that said "Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always." That is the motto I live by now. I can't always know what motivates them. They sure aren't going to tell me. But kindness is a language they do understand. This is not to be confused with coddling or being a pushover. I have high expectations for my students. But, no matter how mad I am (and I was SO mad today) I have to try to maintain kind responses. I can't be another soldier for the enemy, whoever that enemy might be.