The Value of Friendship

I've always had a hard time making friends. I think from the time I was born. I have anxiety in social situations and often like to be left alone. But recently, I have been fortunate to surround myself with so many great people. My friend Ashley asked me to be maid of honor in her wedding. We've known each other since elementary school and she's always stuck by me even when no one else has, so I'm honored to be there for her for this exciting time in her life. I spent the weekend in Lincoln with my friends Hillary and Bryant and Devin and had such an amazing time and even made new friends. On the reverse side, I've known these people for much less time and I still feel completely comfortable with them.

The really cool thing about all of my friends (and there are others that I haven't listed) is that they don't see me as introverted or awkward (even though Ashley wishes I would flirt more with boys). When I'm with them, that part of me dissipates. I become confident and I smile and laugh a lot more (even though I hate my laugh). I know I can ask them advice or tell them my accomplishments and I will never be judged. I also trust them with their own honesty which I have found is very important in relationships of any kind.

I know this isn't a profound or creative blog post since everyone talks about the value of friendship but if there's one thing I know, everyone needs recognition sometimes and I wanted to recognize how wonderful my friends are. Thanks for everything guys!

And I'll leave you with another beautiful quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"The only way to have friends is to be one"

A Blog for My Brother

So, I was racking my brain for a topic for my blog today, and realized it was pretty obvious. This past week has been all about my brother Josh. On Saturday he graduated high school as valedictorian and on Monday he golfed at district golf and made it to state. I couldn't be more proud of him. He's grown up so much in the past few years and I look forward to watching him grow and achieve even more in the years to come.

Josh and I have had our disagreements in the past 18 years. I've always been the bossy older sister who embarrasses him and he's been the annoying, spoiled little brother. Most of the sibling bonding we have is silently watching basketball games together or laughing at something one of our pets does, but with Josh, someone who doesn't say more than a few words to anyone, that's enough. Honestly, I often envy Josh's mellow attitude toward life. He rarely stresses like me and has many friends since he is so laid back.

Even though I guarantee Josh won't read this (he claims he hates reading), I just want to share some of the reasons I'm proud of my brother. And it isn't all because he was valedictorian or made it to state golf. What I love is:

-How competitive he is. He is always trying to be the best and never gives up.
-How good of a writer he is. He claims he is terrible, but he wrote his graduation speech in a few hours and it was fantastic.
-How great he is at video games. Even if my dad thinks they are worthless, I'm always amazed by this ability.
-How he actually does like to read. He used to read the Lord of the Rings and the Inheritance series in only a few days.
-How he's a picky eater. It always made my dislikes much more manageable.
-How he was never a tattletale. Josh and I always had a mutual understanding that what happened when our parents weren't home was between us and only us.
-How imaginative he is. We used to play so many games in which he made up characters and battle situations that would have us playing for hours.
-How intelligent he is. It isn't just an ACT score or GPA. I just know he will do great things with his mind someday.
-How much he loves animals. And even when he picks on them, they love him right back.
-How popular he is. Like I said before, his easy going mannerisms help him to make friends (and keep them) very easily.
-How sentimental he is. He keeps everything. I call him a pack rat, but I know that every thing he packs away means something to him.

So, I am so proud of my brother, not only this week, but all of the time. I could have never asked for a better one. :)

Changing What You Are

Have you ever noticed how much television tells us what to do with our lives? Celebrities, journalists, screenwriters, and advertisers tell us what to eat, how to dress, what "beauty" is, gender roles, how to be parent, and on and on and on. I am constantly telling myself that life is about being happy and bringing happiness to others and there isn't a step by step guide to that. But again and again, I find myself swept into societal norms.

For example, in the month of April, I was desperate to lose weight because I had convinced myself I was obese. I was basically starving myself half of the time just so I could fit into a dress for my brother's graduation.  And why did it matter so much? So I could impress my family and friends? I think they  love me no matter what I look like. Or was it to appease those people who think my main goal in life should be finding a man? I wouldn't even want to be with a guy who only likes me if I'm two sizes smaller. So I asked myself, is losing weight making me happier? Nope. Is it making anyone else happier? My roommate and friends can tell you I am a insanely crabby person when running on too few calories or exercising (ick), so definitely not. So, I went and bought a dress (they do come in bigger sizes) and I think I look perfectly fine in it.

As I was writing up this blog, at a very appropriate time, like so many books seem to do, the book I was reading (The Golden Compass) gave me these words of wisdom: “You cannot change what you are, only what you do.”

So, this is what I'm going to do: I'm gonna stop worrying about what other people think. I'm gonna stop being so hard on myself. I'm gonna be happy. Because, as Audrey Hepburn said, "happy girls are the prettiest girls" anyway.

Things I've Accomplished

I've decided to make this a 3 part series. Two posts ago, I talked about personal goals for the year and last time I talked about long term dreams, but as I approach the end of this semester, I decided why not talk about what I have accomplished so far? I'm only 21, and don't have a lot of "big" victories  (and actually lots of failures) but sometimes little victories add up to a lot. Here are some things:

1. Making the dean's list three times/getting in the honors program. I know that sometimes I stress way too much about my schoolwork, but it always feels good to be recognized for hard work.

2. Teaching kids how to swim across the pool or jump off the diving board. This was the best part about my job as a lifeguard. It wasn't just teaching them a valuable survival skill, but giving them confidence in themselves and that's a great thing.

3. Being bullied most of my life and coming out stronger and wiser. From elementary school to freshman year of college, it never really changed. Some people will always try to push you down in order to feel bigger. I know that this has made me not only a stronger person, but a more empathetic friend.

4. My senior yearbook. I know this sounds completely silly, but it is the thing I was most proud of in high school. I worked during lunches, after school, and during many study halls to put together that book. Although it's a trivial thing, it was the first time I really became a leader for a group of people and most of all, I had a lot of fun doing it.

5. Being an ear for those who need one. I know some of you won't believe this one, since I am prone to interrupting people in a conversation, but before my friend Moriah passed away, she used to call me and talk for hours. I remember car rides, dinners, and walks around the lake with her in which I never got a word in, but I think that sometimes that's what everyone needs and I really hope I was able to help her through hard times in her life just by answering the phone or taking time out of my day to meet her for dinner.

6. Overcoming socializing anxiety (to some extent). I have always hated making conversation with strangers. But in the past few years, I have forced myself out of my comfort zone a lot more. As a tour guide, I have built relationships with prospective students in very short periods of time. I have joined groups and activities where I didn't know anyone there and ended up making new friends. I actually met two of my best friends just by joining a game on my floor last year with strangers.

And to end, I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes by the great Ralph Waldo Emerson: "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

I Made a Bucket List

So, my last post about 21 things to do when I'm 21 went over pretty well. I got lots of comments on it and my friends have been holding me to it whenever I veer off. On that note, I thought I'd do something similar this week. This is a bucket list of more tangible things I want to do with my life. These won't happen this year and I expect it to change, but I've always wanted to make one of these. I was actually saving it for a later date, but there have been signs pointing to now. There is a bucket list bulletin board on my floor and I keep looking at the Bucket List DVD on my shelf and I had a friend suggest it last week. So here goes: I am finally making a bucket list.

1. Adopt a pet from an animal shelter.

2. Be conversational in Spanish.

3. Get a Master's Degree.

 

4. Get a tattoo.

5. Go hiking in a rainforest.

6. Learn to dance-It doesn't matter if it's salsa or swing or just not embarrassing myself at a club.

 

7. Go to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

8. Own a home.

9. Go paragliding.

 

10. Publish something-whether it be a work of fiction, an article for a magazine, a review, a cookbook, or a travel book.

11. Go snorkeling/scuba diving.

12. See the ball drop in Times Square.

 

 13. Swim beneath a waterfall.

14. See at least 3 of the Seven New Wonders of the World.

15. Watch an Olympic event live.

16. Write a biography of someone.


17. Visit all 50 States-I'm up to 34 as of now.

21 Things to Do While I'm 21

So it' my 21st birthday today. Yay! So I thought I'd blog about 21 goals for this year. Here they are:

1. Be more optimistic. "Realist" is my word for pessimistic most of the time. I need to look at things on the bright side more often.

2. Forgive. I don't think it does any good to hold on to bad feelings. It only hurts yourself.

3. Go all out for Halloween. It's the only day I still get to play dress up. Enjoy it.

4. Indulge in good food. I know I can't eat junk all the time, but there is nothing wrong with enjoying food when I can. And who set the acceptable times for certain foods? I can eat a sandwich for breakfast if I fee like it.

 5. Go somewhere I've never been. Whether it's as small as a new restaurant or as big as another country. If I can, I want to try it.

6. Keep reading. (I won't have a problem with this one, but I know I never want to stop.)

7. Laugh as much as possible. (even though I hate my laugh, I swear it makes me feel better)

8. Learn to love myself a little more. I am always picking on something about myself. I'm not perfect. No one is.

9. Listen to those around me. Everyone needs to be heard. And I'm not a genius. I can use help.

10. Pamper myself. A pedicure, massage, or haircut is never a waste if it makes me feel better.

11. Remember to be a kid. 21 does not mean I'm "all grown up." Sometimes the swings at the park, blowing bubbles, water balloon fights, or an episode of Spongebob is the best remedy for a bad day.

12. Sing as loud as I want to the radio. Even if it embarrasses the crap out of my brother.

13. Stand up for someone. I have found throughout my life that the silent observer can be just as bad as the bully herself. So I don't want to be afraid to speak up to help. Even if I don't really know the person.

14. Stay up late. I love pancakes in the middle of the night or a movie marathon that lasts for hours. Sleep is very important, but sometimes it can wait. Might as well use that time while I'm young and still can.

15. Take a road trip. Even if it's just for an afternoon.


16. Tell the people I love how much they mean to me. You never know how long you have to say it.

17. Take more pictures/videos. I have some nice cameras, but I always forget to capture the moment.

18. Try my luck. Buy a lottery ticket or gamble once. Never done either and maybe it's a risk worth taking once.

19. Vote. It's important to be an active member of the community I live it.

20. Take some risks. Say things even if I don't know how others will react. Be bold. 

21. Keep writing this blog. I can't be a writer if I don't keep writing.

Becoming Someone Else

Most of my writing is at least loosely based on someone or something I know well. I have found that it makes the stories seem more realistic. My first stories in elementary school were about my own life and some of best work in college has been the same. But now my fiction writing teacher is pushing me out of my comfort zone. All weekend so far, I have been trying to write a story with characters and circumstances absolutely foreign to me. Actually, right now I am having writers' block but I don't want to stop writing so I'm blogging until I can come back to it.
In some ways I am frustrated about this assignment because I think I have found my forte and shouldn't have to change, but in all reality, I've always wanted to write as another person. Like so many kids of my generation, I dreamed of being the next J. K. Rowling. She never went to a school for wizards or fought the Dark Lord, but readers fully believe that her characters did. I even read a news story last semester that fans of Sherlock Holmes constantly send letters to him as if he were real. That's so amazing. So, since I know this blog is not super thoughtful or exciting, I'll share an exercise I worked on this week in order to try out becoming someone else. Thanks to everyone that keeps reading my blogs. It means a lot :)

I had my first beer in the 4^th grade.

            My father had been working cows all day. He plopped down on the brown recliner in the living room and dust filled the room. I wasn’t sure if it was from his shirt or the chair, which probably hadn’t been cleaned since mom was around.

“Could you hand me a beer, Kels?” he asked.

            I paused for a moment, hoping he would say something more. I adored that gravelly voice when he wasn’t hollering about my God-damned whining. Then, I scurried off the couch and opened the fridge. And there they were. Two cans of Bud Lite sitting side by side on the top shelf. Without hesitating, I grabbed one in each fist and carried them into the living room. I handed the first one to him and carried the next to my place on the couch.

            He didn’t say a word. He didn’t even look up from the rerun of Walker, Texas Ranger on the old television set when I handed him the beer. I waited for him to pull on the tab of his can and then I pulled too. A long hiss filled the space between us. He tilted the can up and starting chugging. I saw some drip down onto his beard. I began to mimic his style and let the beer run down my throat. I wasn’t awfully good. I remember grimacing for the first few gulps. Then I looked up and Dad was staring at me. He was silent for a few moments and then he chuckled. We spent many nights after that bonding over beers in that dusty room with cowboys on the TV.