Single and 22

OMG, would everyone stop asking me if I'm "dating anyone?" It's like a tragedy to be my age and not in a relationship. Maybe I should be less picky or more confident. Maybe I should work out more often or actually take time to put some makeup on every day. Maybe I should go out to bars or parties more. Or maybe I should just...

Relax.

It's so easy to get caught up in what everyone else is saying about you. At least that's the case for me. I tend to take everything to heart. Sometimes, though, I just need to breathe and smile and do what I want to do instead of what others think I should do. Except maybe Dr. Seuss.

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss

I enjoy my classes at UNL. I am excited to be a teacher. I get to be the maid of honor in a wedding next week. My family and friends are the best. I'm going to Scotland for goodness sakes! Things are going well for me and I don't need anyone else to make that happen. I'm just going to keep working on being the best ME I can be.

Maybe I'll start "dating someone." Maybe I won't. I have the freedom to decide right now exactly where I want to be and I'm deciding to stop worrying about it. It probably won't last long. Tomorrow I'll be freaking out about something again. But for today, deep breaths. I'm doing alright. :)

Lessons I Learned From My Mother

Along with graduates, there is also someone very important to honor this weekend: my mom. I know that it is no longer mother's day, but I always write better at night and so I'll just be a tad late. Sorry mom. ;) There are so many things I could say about my mom. She has been the greatest mother I could have asked for and is my best friend, but instead I wanted to write down a few things I have learned from my mom throughout the years. As I grow up and become an "adult", I recognize her lessons more and more.

1. Family is the most important thing. My mom was always big on family. She puts us before anything else in her life and expects the same from us. I was lucky enough to have her stay home with me for the first several years of my life. That's not the right thing for every mother, I understand that, but I do know she sacrificed a lot, including her sanity many days to be there for us and I hope I can be there for her too.

2. Stand up for what's right (or against what is not). She is very passionate about what she believes in and is not afraid to argue for what she wants. I am not very good at following this lesson. I'm what she calls a "pleaser" but I strive to be better at this because of her (and my dad). I can't complain about something if I didn't act in any way to change the situation.

3. The value of your life should be placed on experiences, not possessions. When we were younger, my parents set aside money to go on trips. They valued this more than nice clothes or going out to eat or even filling up savings accounts. Because of this, I will always have beautiful memories of my childhood. I will remember trips to Disney World where my mom made us wear matching shirts and feeding chipmunks and Colorado. I have absolutely no recollection of what toys or clothes I had because it didn't matter at all. Materials don't matter as much as people make them out to and my mom taught me that. Also, you never know what will happen before that "later" comes that you're saving for.

4. Education is the most important you can gain in life. My mom has been a huge supporter of our educations since I can remember. She read to all of us as children, took us to the library, practiced math problems with me over and over again (I needed as much help as I could get), and reiterated the importance of our grades and learning every chance she got. Because of this insistence on being an educated person in the world, I have always valued education and was never afraid to make the investment in it for college. I know that my success in school was largely due to my mom and I can't thank her enough for that.

5. Sometimes everyone needs a little help. She always wants to help those who aren't as fortunate. I have seen my mom talk to people that others have written off or look down upon, providing encouragement or sympathy to those who might otherwise be overlooked. She makes me consider every person's perspective. She also started our family buying Christmas gifts for those in need. By "everyone" I also mean animals as my mom has long been an advocate for strays. We have taken in four cats since I've been alive and each my mother cared for extremely well. Two were super unfriendly but loved my mom. One was covered in fleas so my mom bathed it and bought it medicine before finding him a new home. She is so full of compassion for those who need her and I love that.

I love you mom! Thanks for teaching me so much.

To Hillary...

This is a sister post to the one from last night. Another very special friend to me is graduating on Saturday as well. Although I have never lived with Hillary in a technical sense, she has slept on my couch more times than I can count, so she could be considered my other roommate. She is one of the most hard-working people I know and I'm so excited to be a part of her graduation and then see what's in store for her in the years to come. Hillary (hopefully) isn't leaving me and I'll see her just as much as usual next year so I won't say things I'll miss. Instead Hillary deserves some congrats on other life accomplishments ;)

-Congrats on making the best smoothies I have ever tasted in my whole life.

-Congrats on falling asleep faster than any other human being in history.

-Congrats on being amazing at treasure hunting.

-Congrats on always making everyone around you laugh.

-Congrats on sticking out every Husker game with me (and even wearing a mustache)

-Congrats on being the most organized of us.

-Congrats on letting us know every Yahoo news story of the day.

-Congrats on being a mentor for someone that needs it.

-Congrats on dragging my butt to the Rec a few times.

-Congrats on getting out of that parking ticket.

You're amazing. Thanks for being my friend. Can't wait to celebrate with you on Saturday.

Dear Sarah...

One evening in the spring semester of 2012, I knocked on a neighbor's door. I didn't want to watch Netflix in my room for yet another night and my other friends were busy. Sarah opened the door with a smile and invited me in. The two of us spent hours talking, laughing, and even dancing. Six months later, we became roommates. Now, after spending so many times together, good and bad, we part ways. I am proud of Sarah as she graduates college and also sad to say goodbye. So here's a tribute to you my dear Sarah. All the things I will miss having around every day:


-Your adventurous spirit. Never afraid to tackle something new and it has inspired me to try new things too.

-How much you LOVE cheese.

-Your amazing cooking skills. My mouth waters thinking about it.

-The little dance you do when you're really happy or excited.

-You love playing games as much as I do.

-How you always know when I need a Mountain Dew.

-Late nights I spent with you at work.

-How long you take to get ready (but it's always worth it because I've never seen you leave the apartment without looking fabulous)

-That silly little Po app on your phone that you love so much.

-The way you pout like a little kid when you're upset.

-You always know how to put me in my place when I'm wrong without making me mad.

-The many, many, many, many scary movies we have watched together. And how we have started being pansies lately haha.

-Our Thursday nights at Starlite.

So Sarah, here's to you. Celebrating some great years. May we enjoy many more to come. You can always fight Hillary for my couch when you come and visit next year. Congrats on graduation girl!

An Itch for Poetry

Wrote this a while back and realized I never shared it. Enjoy.

I run you across my palm,

tracing the grooves

of an incomplete star.

You resist with a scripscripscrip.

but it doesn’t hurt. Those cells

are dead anyway.

Just like you.

It’s funny how the other

fingernails have been torn, bent, and

chewed without you.  Is it because

I forget you are there on the end of my hand

or because you are determined to live?

To be named “the little fingernail that grew”?

I should really cut you off

before I catch you on my belt loop

or stab someone with a friendly handshake.

Instead I rub you back and forth over my incisor.

It feels like a seesaw inside my mouth;

a steady back and forth.

I feel sleepy and suddenly remember

my mother.

How her long fingernails would graze

through the waves in my hair

while my head rested on her lap.

Will you run through the strands of

a child’s hair? Or sport Husker red

for a football game? Will you scoop up

an innocent drop of butter cream frosting?

Or will I cut your off tonight…with one single

Click.

Confessions From A College Tour Guide

I have been giving tours of the UNL campus for three years now. I have loved walking around campus and telling people from all over the country about UNL, but the time has come to move away from this job as I start student teaching this next semester. And truthfully I haven't loved every tour. As I take on my last 2-3 weeks of tours, I'd like to let it all out. This is the tell-all from a tour guide.

1. Yes, I always walk backwards. If you know me, you might be wondering how many times I've fallen doing this, but my first confession? I have never fallen walking backwards. The one and only time I have fallen on a tour was when I was walking forward up some stairs. Also, people tend to give a wide berth to people walking backwards around campus.

2. Stop asking me about the parties on campus. While movies and television make it sound like that is what college is all about, it isn't. Sure, you can go to parties as much as you want. College allows freedom. But that's not what I'm hired to talk about. And the parents that tell their stories don't help at all.

3. It's hard for me not to laugh when kids that tell me exactly what they are going to be doing in 10 years. Please don't hold on too tight or you might miss opportunities. Explore. Try new things.

4. Sometimes I feel more like a struggling comedian than a tour guide. Smile people! I am trying very hard to reach out to you and if I don't get any response, I don't know how to help you in your decision. I remember I used to be super embarrassed about how much my dad talked on tours, but now I love parents like that that help me to understand what the student likes to do or wants to know.

5. For those of you who are current students, yelling out of your windows as you drive by does not help me at all. I thank you for your efforts, but it just sounds obnoxious.

6. I hate suite style freshmen dorms. I'm sorry. I know they are really nice and big and less people per bathroom, but I can't tell you how many times tour groups have asked me, "Does anyone live here?" Truthfully, I'm not really sure.

7. You shouldn't judge any place by what it looks like in February. Seriously. I hate giving tours on 5 degree days when everything is dead and students look miserable. It's not the campus, it's the weather.

8. If you are making a decision where to go, go with your gut. I think UNL is awesome. I really do. I have tons of great things to tell you about it (and I will if you get me started) but it's not for everyone and I understand that. Don't decide based on statistics and percentages. Or because it's "different" or far away. Go because it feels right. Go because it feels like home.

The End of A Book

The first thing someone said to me today was "You look tired." Which basically means I looked terrible. This was probably because I stayed up too late trying to finish the book I was reading. I've done this a lot in my life, holding on to every bit of energy I can at 2:00 in the morning to find out what will happen next. It's exhilarating. But it's what comes immediately after that gives me that terrible morning-after look. The book is over. Whether you are content or mad at the author, smiling or crying, every book is the same. It ends. And then I have to stay up in bed for the next hour contemplating the life of the characters I might never hear from again.

I know this sounds depressing and I don't mean it to be that way. If it was that bad, I wouldn't read like a hundred books a year. Right now, though, I feel like one of the books of my own life is ending. A lot of people talk about the "chapters" of their lives, but I don't think my life is one big book. Rather, I think it is several books, a series if you will, with different settings, plots, and characters.

After high school, I started a new book. I closed that back cover and could never go back to reading it for the first time. I'm neither entirely glad that book is over and done with nor am I crying over the ending. Like with every book, I moved on, excited for the next one, but I can always go back and reread to refresh my memories or revisit characters of my past even years and years later.

This year, many of my friends graduate. I finish my last "real" classes and start actually teaching. I don't know where I'm going or where they're going. I'm very excited to start reading, but just like the book last night, I am at the moment that I must come to terms with an ending. I have met wonderful people in this book. I couldn't imagine a better cast of characters. Thank you to everyone who has made my last four years an incredible story.