The Art of Solo-tasking

I often hear people bragging that they are "great at multi-tasking." I think this is a skill we believe should be rewarded. We are more efficient because we can do more than one thing at a time. The problem is, we are all multi-taskers. In 2017, everyone is doing more than one thing at a time. People are alternating focus between three electronic devices at once. We have 12 tabs open on their computer. We can't even wait to get to our destination before answering an email on our phone while driving. You might think this is usually a good thing because are more productive people. You may be right. But what I have found is that I may be great at multi-tasking, but I am TERRIBLE at solo-tasking.

Let me give you an example. I first noticed this several months back when I started getting into audiobooks. I put my headphones in one evening and sat down on my couch to listen to a chapter. My phone lit up and I read the text message. I remembered I needed something at the grocery store so I made myself a note. I saw some trash across the room and went and cleaned it up. I decided I was hungry and wandered into the kitchen. 20 minutes had gone by and I couldn't remember anything that happened in the story.

You may think the story must have been bad if it didn't keep my attention, but I have listened to many different books, many very good and still struggle every time. I have to walk on my treadmill or doodle in my notebook just to maintain focus on the words coming out of my headphones. I just can't sit in one spot and listen. Isn't that terrible?

So I've been working on being better at this by creating spaces and activities that allow for only one task at a time. When I do homework, I do it in a room without a television and I leave my phone somewhere else. When I go hiking, I purposefully drain my phone battery to about 30% just so I'm not tempted to open up Facebook or Spotify as often and I just focus on the sounds of nature and the act of walking, one foot in front of the other. Today, I went for ice cream. I sat by myself outside in the sun and just ate ice cream for like 15 minutes while watching people walk by. For someone who usually plans lessons or does homework while cramming food down my mouth at lunch, a person who would be in and out of the dining hall in college in 10 minutes at times, this was a big deal. I go to movies at the theater by myself because I am forced to only watch the movie for a 2 hour block (Sidebar: People act like it is sad to go to the theater alone, but are you actually talking to someone while you watch a movie? Movies aren't social events, so I don't understand...but that's a subject for another blog). Last night I even made it through 30 minutes of my audiobook without losing focus. One step at a time.

8 Memories for my Grandpa's 80th Birthday

I spent the last week in approximately 115 degree weather in Arizona in order to celebrate my Grandpa Dick's 80th birthday. I wanted to do something in honor of this occasion all week, but couldn't think of what exactly to write about. My grandpa has always been a dynamic character in my life. He changes his mind on the turn of a dime and can make you so frustrated, but he also cares deeply about his family and listens even when he doesn't seem to be. Since I think it's impossible to list 80 of anything, I just chose 8 moments that stand out to me when it comes to Grandpa.

1. Thanksgiving on Beach Chairs--One year I decided to go down by myself and spend Thanksgiving weekend with Grandpa. We ended up eating lunch on the day of Thanksgiving with family (most of whom I had never met before). As I may have mentioned, I am terrible in social situations, especially when I don't know everyone and after eating I was awkwardly wandering around the house, just wanting to go home. Grandpa put his hand on my shoulder and asked me to come outside with him. We lounged on the beach chairs in the sun, not saying a word for at least the next 30 minutes. I'm not sure why he pulled me out there, but those silent, sunny minutes were the most peaceful of the day.

2. Fireworks Stand--For several years, my family set up a fireworks stand in Franklin to earn extra money for college. Although I was old enough to run the stand myself, Grandpa insisted on being there every day. And he also insisted on providing lunch every day. Which always consisted of either Casey's pizza or hot dogs. I was so sick of those things for that week, but he was so proud to have contributed.

3. Stargazing--Grandpa is always trying to teach me some kind of lesson, whether its about history or politics or just life in general. I admit that many of them are ignored, but one thing I always remember him teaching me is how to find the north star on any given night. Whenever I'm sitting outside at night, I feel the need to point it out so he knows I excelled in this lesson.

4. Convenience Store Runway--One summer when I stayed with my aunt and uncle in Columbus, I would often go to my grandpa's convenience store. He always let me pick out an iced honey bun on the shelf to eat. One year, though, after I was finished eating breakfast, he set me to the task of walking back and forth on a straight line between tiles on the floor. Back and forth. Back and forth. He said it was to practice being a model. It was probably because I was so clumsy and he was tired of watching me trip over my own feet. Whatever crazy motive, I remember the weird runway walk.

5. Interstellar--One of the last times I stayed with my grandpa, I asked him to drive me to the movie theater. He, like usual, insisted on going along. It was a 10:00 movie and it was long. I tried to convince him otherwise, but he went to see Interstellar with me. And he was utterly confused. He turned to me at least every 5 minutes the entire movie asking me "Who is that?" "Why did he do that?" "Where are they now?" and so on. I explained everything I could (it is a bit hard to follow the first time) and afterwards, he couldn't stop telling me that I was so smart to figure out the movie. The next morning when I woke up, he had written 3 more questions he forgot to ask the night before.

6. Cookies--When I stayed over Thanksgiving, Grandpa took me to the store to pick out drinks and snacks for the weekend. He told me I had to pick out cookies to go in the cookie jar. I picked out Chips Ahoy Chunky ones and watched the entire day as the cookie level got lower and lower as each of us grabbed one on the way through the kitchen. The entire box was gone in less than 24 hours. I still think of him when I buy those cookies.

7. Story-telling--I remember telling my grandpa when I was younger that I was going to be a famous writer. Instead of being practical or blowing me off, he told me to tell him all about the story I was going to write. We walked around the blocks of Franklin while I chatted his ear off about characters and plot twists and he listened the whole time and even asked questions. It made me feel as if he really thought I could do it.

8. Double Solitaire--Although whenever I think of the game of double solitaire, I think of my parents battling it out, I also remember teaching the game to my grandpa once. Neither of us was nearly as fast as my parents, but we made for a good, slow rivalry for several games.

Why Cats are Misunderstood

I feel like most of the time when people find out I have cats, they make a lot of assumptions about them. In general, people view cats as standoffish animals with bad attitudes. It is true they have distinct personalities like any animal, but they are no less friendly and loving than a dog. I love dogs of all kinds, but I truly believe cats can just as easily be "man's best friend."

Lie #1: Cats are not loyal.

When I was a kid, any time I was sick at all and lying in bed, my cat Comanche would snuggle up next to me. She didn't demand anything from me. She was just a constant presence. It is as if she could sense my illness and wanted to be there by me. All day long. That was loyalty. My cat now, Bowser, waits by the door for me to get home. He may not squeal or wag his tail when I arrive home, but he purrs and purrs and rubs against my leg and I can tell he missed me every single time.

Lie #2: Cats don't play with you.

This is crazy to me. Cats are so playful. I play hide and seek and fetch with Bowser all the time. Max is 16 years old and he still likes to toss toys in the air and swat my hand when I run it back and forth under a blanket. Whenever I'm gone for a long time, my cats bring me toys because they were bored and now need some play time.

Lie #3: Cats are dirty.

Cats are the only pet I know that clean themselves...constantly. Sure, they use the bathroom in the house, but that makes less inconvenience of letting them out for you and it's not that hard to clean up. Bowser is so clean that he actually cleans up after me. I'm not kidding. One time I dropped pasta on the floor and as I went to get something to clean it up, he had already pushed it all to the side, covered it with a  nearby paper, and was licking up the sauce stuck to the carpet. He hates messes.

Lie #4: Cats always want to be alone.

Sometimes I wish my cats would leave me alone. Just for one minute. They follow me EVERYWHERE.

Just Say "Thank You"

Have you ever complimented someone and then regretted the compliment after their reaction?

Here, I'll give you some scenarios:

Scenario #1...
Me: You look really nice today.

Them: Yeah, well I've been working out every morning at such and such gym. I've always been a morning person. My parents were morning people, so it just runs in my family I guess. I don't understand how people can sleep in. Such a waste of a day. And I stopped drinking pop, even diet soda. Do you know how bad those are for you?

(Shut up. I didn't want a lecture. I didn't even ask a question.)

Scenario #2....
Me: You look really nice today.
                      
Them: (looking down at the ground and shaking their head) Oh, that's not true. I'm the same as always. I'm just wearing a boring t-shirt today.

(If it wasn't true, I wouldn't have said it. Don't hand back what I gave to you. That's like giving back a gift because you didn't like it.)


This reception of compliments has always been a pet peeve of mine, but if I'm honest with myself I lean toward the second scenario myself. Although I do thank people when they give a compliment, I tend to do it with a shrug or rolled eyes or a chuckle as if I'm not totally accepting their comment. It's ridiculous and devaluing to myself.

I know a lot of people (especially girls) who struggle to accept positive comments even if it's about something simple. I always tell one of my best friends I love her hair and she usually replies, "Ugh. I didn't even brush it this morning." Recently, I told a coworker that she was so patient and she said, "Oh, it's not that big of a deal."

This idea is coming up because I faced my own moment the other day at my job at the Haymarket. A newer employee said to me, "You are the youngest one at this stand and you are in charge. You must be a good worker." My immediate, knee-jerk reaction was to dismiss this. I wanted to say that it was a just lucky or that I wasn't sure that was true or to laugh, but I stopped myself. I looked him in the eyes and smiled and said "Thank you." And it felt good. I am a good worker. I work hard and am responsible and reliable and organized and any excuse I give is just a way to lower instead of build my self-esteem.

So, the next time you get a compliment, take it. It's yours. You deserve it. Just say "thank you."

The Language of Flowers

I recently read a book called The Language of Flowers. It was fabulous. You should read it. But that book isn't necessarily what this post is about. The important piece is that, throughout the story, the main character, who struggled to open herself up to others or share thoughts or feelings, used flowers and their inherent meaning (according to what she learned) to communicate with others. She would hand someone a peony symbolizing anger to let out her frustration for example.

While I found that there are a million different meanings online for every flower, so the world isn't as concrete as Victoria (the main character) tried to make it be, I became very in tune to flowers and how they made me feel. I was surprised by how many flowers I encounter in an average week, whether in pictures or in offices or in my neighborhood.

I've always said I wasn't a "flower person" because I'm not that thrilled with the idea of receiving a bouquet as a gift and watching it die, but I do think fondly of the sweet scent of lilacs in May and the breeze blowing over cherry blossoms on campus, and the bold colors of tiger lilies in July. Flowers are not only beautiful, but memorable and tie us to different moments and feelings easily. I can definitely understand why Victoria was drawn to them.

Something to do With My Hands (or Brain)

In the school year full of slime, flipped water bottles, rubber bands, and fidget spinners, I've heard my fair share of "I just need something to do with my hands." Of course, I tell my students most of this time that this is just an excuse for being obnoxious, but it seems that we are now in an era where focus on one task is hard to come by. I know I struggle to watch an entire television show without eating or playing on my phone or doing some other task during the show. This week without Internet or television drove me completely crazy.

While I'm not exactly a "fidgeter", I prefer to be busy and always doing something. I think that is part of the reason I tend to overbook myself, working several jobs and taking grad classes and volunteering when I can. I don't need the extra job at the Haymarket, but there is something totally satisfying to me about a 6 hour shift in which I never had any down time. I'm exhausted at the end, but feel like my hours went to good use. When I don't have grad papers and reading to do after school (like now when I'm on a short break), I actually make myself lists of things to do like alternating between reading a book and doing dishes and writing lesson plans and going to the gym, just so I don't have to sit and let my mind wander to overthink something stupid instead.

Of course, there are times when no plans and no obligations and relaxation is important. I'm sure I could use some more of that. But for now, I'm okay with keeping my body and brain busy.

Books From the Last Five Years

For someone who read over 60 books last year, you would think I would be the source to go to for what the hot book is right now. I'm actually not. Although I see books that are getting attention on Amazon and Goodreads, I don't usually read them right away. If they look interesting, I add them to a list and someday I'll read them, but not when they are "hot." I actually do the same thing with movies and shows and podcasts. I have lists full of Stranger Things and S-Town and all the other trends and recommendations over the past years. There is just so much to consume. I'm always trying to discover classics that I missed or books my students might read or just reading something from a new genre (or a loved one). I take one at a time, usually at random, without looking up descriptions or having someone tell me about them first.

I do read some recent books though. I've been trying to do more, so always feel free to suggest something new. I made a list of recent books that I have read (published within the last five years) that I loved just in case you're looking for a summer read.

General Fiction (and one memoir)

A House in the Sky (memoir)-Amanda Lindhout

Gone Girl-Gillian Flynn

The Husband’s Secret-Liane Moriarty

Life After Life-Kate Atkinson

And the Mountains Echoes-Khaled Hosseini

Young Adult Fiction

Monument 14-Emmy Laybourne

The Darkest Minds-Alexandra Bracken

Second Chance Summer-Morgan Matson

Infernal Devices Series-Cassandra Clare

Graceling Series-Kristin Cashore

Poetry

Father, Child Water-Gary Dop

Brown Girl Dreaming-Jacqueline Woodson