I tried to move away from this topic. I really did. But it's like anything: If you start thinking about it, you can't stop thinking about it. If you think about happiness, you are happier. When you start feeling sorry for yourself, you find more ways to feel sorry for yourself. When you start thinking about how hungry you are, you are suddenly 10x more hungry. Dang it. Now I'm hungry.
Since I've posted the last blog about my woes in dating, so many people have talked to me about it, that I can't thinking about everything that is wrong (with me or the state of dating). I want to make it clear that I never rejected any person based on their online profile. I was using an example of a guy I met, but I was never interested in "getting together" with said guy. I think I made that unclear. We never exchanged information. I never even seriously thought about hanging out with him again. We were drinking with a large group of people, not really getting to know each other. Coworkers, friends, and family members have lectured me about this, so I wanted to be clear. He was an example to prove a point, nothing else.
So here goes. Round 2.
Why is it different now than it ever was. Dating always sucked, right? Probably. But it has also changed in the following ways.
1. People don't "date." I can count on one hand the amount of times someone told me they went on a date with someone who wasn't their girlfriend/boyfriend. People "hook up" or "hang out" or "talk" (meaning texting, not actually talking). You don't make plans with someone together. That's a date and not what we do. Instead, we make plans with friends (going to a bar, going to a house party, going to a concert) and then casually ask someone to come along. Or just meet someone else randomly there. My generation hates defining things. It's like "boyfriend" is a scary word. Once again, we're just "hanging out". We're just "talking."
2. Online dating is the opposite and too easy to get into the tough subjects. After reading about the political and religious views, the education and experience, the height, the "what I want in a match", it's hard for me to actually see anyone as a real person. I'm pre-judging and I hate myself for that. I don't like to categorize people, but I also don't want to judge just on the picture and those are my only two options for sorting, right? Maybe I should just "like" everyone, but the thought of the countless "How was your day?" "So your a teacher?" conversations that never move anywhere makes sorting a necessity.
3. There are all these stupid technology rules. How long you should you wait between messages? Should you send a text or a snapchat? Is it appropriate to tag him/her in this post on Facebook? I can't tell you how many times my best friends thought I was mad at them or ignoring them just because of a miscommunicating text message or too much time for a reply. And those are people I know and love. Imagine how complicated this is for someone you just met.
And now that we know what sucks about the world of dating, here's what sucks about me in particular:
1. I have literally no idea what I want. In that "What you are looking for in a partner" section, I have no idea what to put. I definitely don't want to be centered on a certain appearance. I kept thinking we needed to have similar interests, but most couples I know have very different hobbies and they work out fine. Then, I thought I should limit it to college-educated guys, but I have plenty of friends without Bachelor's degrees that I get along with. I like people who voted for different candidates than I did. I actually like learning about the religions and beliefs of new people. I love learning from people who work in entirely different professions. I don't even care that much if they are out-going or shy. So what am I looking for? I just want a good person. But what makes a good person? I honestly think there are criminals and drug addicts that are essentially "good people", so this is a difficult thing to define.
2. I never meet anyone in person. Ever. This is because I have a very limited network of friends. I'm not super close to my coworkers. I know lots of people that I could probably hang out with, but I'm either 1. always busy with school and work and am too tired to make plans or 2. I'm too scared to reach out because I'm afraid of rejection (even with my cousins or people I've known for years).
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