Things You Learn When Living Alone

"Aren't you going to get lonely?" That's what everyone asks when I tell them I'm living alone this year. It is a valid question. Many people go their whole lives without living alone with their families, roommates, and significant others always around. I have only been officially living here for 3 weeks now, but so far, the answer is no. I love it. But here are a few things I have learned already.

1. I can't wear necklaces or dresses with zippers in the back. No one is there to help you latch or button things up. If you can't independently dress yourself, living alone may be a problem. I had no idea I owned so many difficult outfits and accessories until this month honestly.

2. The fridge is always going to look empty. It sometimes looks pathetic but when I am just cooking for myself, I don't need a stocked fridge.

3. I do miss conversations with roommates or family members. I don't miss having to be quiet when they're sleeping.

4. Coming home to silence is amazing. One of my favorite feelings in the world actually. I love the peace in a quiet apartment.

5. I can walk around in whatever clothes (or lack of them) that I want. I don't even have to close your bathroom door. It's sort of liberating.

6. It's not cheap. No splitting utilities or using your roommates dishes. It's up to me to pay for everything.

7. My bathroom gets ridiculously dirty for one person. Like I said, I've only been here 3 weeks and I was staring at my shower today wondering how in the heck a shower gets dirty. Doesn't it clean itself?

8. There is not very many cheap options for food. Food goes bad quickly and it is always too much for one person. Ramen has become my best friend.

9. No one is there to judge you. I can pile up dishes for weeks or play Guitar Hero for a ridiculous amount of time instead of homework or take an hour nap at 7 pm for the heck of it and I don't have to explain my odd behavior to anyone.

10. I am super proud of my place. For the most part (not including dishes), I have kept this place cleaner and more organized than any other place I have lived. It is my space and I feel pride in how it looks even when I'm the only one who sees it.

11. I've learned problem solving. My TV wasn't working so I had to call around myself to get it fixed. The smoke alarm went off so I learned to disarm it as well as turn on the vent for future cooking.

So that's all for now. There may be a 2nd part to this blog post once I've lived alone longer. So far, so good. :)


(Note: There is a new addition to my blog this week. There should be a bookshelf image at the bottom of the page and it will always show the book(s) I am currently reading.)

Remembering Grandpa

Just in case anyone wanted to read this, this is the speech I wrote up and read at my Grandpa Jack's funeral service on Saturday.

I want to start with a short passage from an article that my uncle Rich read to us last night from a recent issue of the Kearney Hub.

“Too often it is those unexpected surprised--good or bad--that turn our lives upside down. We get so caught up in our daily lives and schedules, we don’t believe we have time for anything else, until that “something else” happens. We get so comfortable with our lives that something out of the ordinary can throw us for a loop. We get confused, frustrated and depressed when things don’t go as planned, especially if we end up dealing with serious problems. How long this state lasts, depends on our attitude and our basic life values. Those who live by principles of faith and family have a grounding that helps them through tough times. We choose how we’ll deal with situations that hurt emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.”

Our family has recently been through some very tough times that have hurt in all of those ways. But right now I hope we choose to deal with that hurt through love, faith, a positive attitude, and determination, traits Grandpa Jack was never short on.

It’s so funny how in death announcements and obituaries and programs it often shows birth and death dates. In between those dates is a dash. A dash to represent an entire life. In my grandpa’s case, that dash should be long because my grandpa lived a long life. He saw the flood of ’35 and dust storms so dark he thought it was the end of the world. He told Zach several times that he was glad he lived in the time he did. He was so privileged to live with all those old characters in Riverton. And he lived long enough to meet his first great-grandson, Austin. Although, for some reason, he always called him little Pedro.

That dash should also be incredibly wide. Grandpa squeezed a lot of these into all those years. In that line of life, he sat on an island decoding messages in World War II (and also writing letters to a pretty girl named Velma back at home). He worked hard and started up businesses that not only supported his family, but also helped the community and eventually provided jobs for his sons and grandson. He also raised five pretty wonderful children (although I may be a bit biased.)

Grandpa Jack had so many experiences in his life that there’s no way one person could tell all his stories. I learned new things about him up to the week of his passing. So I knew if I was going to speak about him at all today, I’d have to listen first, just like he was always so good at doing for us. Last night, a large group of his family, including all ten of his grandkids gathered in his home and told stories. We laughed and we cried (or at least I did). And we remembered a man that all of us were lucky enough to have in our lives. This is what we remember.

We remember Grandpa’s humor. It was rare that he wasn’t smiling or joking. Although sometimes his jokes were pretty ornery. Grandpa was very close to Zach and told him many stories. One that Zach shared was when grandpa was a kid. He was so ornery as a kid that his family tied him to a clothesline on a leash. The neighbor would come over and taunt him with candy. “I still don’t like that guy” he’d say. But this experience didn’t stop him at all. In high school, he’d ride his Model T around and lay back so it looked like no one was driving. Even as an older man he was still playing pranks on his sons, especially Steve, and lighting fireworks under tractors to scare people.

We remember Grandpa as a provider. He took many of the grandsons to Hastings to get haircuts with him and insisted on buying each of the boys suits for graduated which is probably why they all look so sharp today. He always wanted to pay for absolutely everything he could. He’d rather not eat than have you pay for him. Toward the end, as he sat in the hospital he’d always ask, “Who owns this place? Who do we gotta pay?” When someone would order food, he’d sit up in his hospital bed and look for his wallet.

We remember that Grandpa loved children. Many children of this church remember him slipping us M&Ms during the service. He’d also slips nickels or quarters to kids at bull sales. Even before he had his own children, he told the story of taking a little boy in the Azores to go get ice cream. He also loved animals. He loved to feed the dogs and would even bring chocolate milk and donuts out to the farm for them. I remember watching him through dirt clods in the barn and Steve’s dog would chase after them and a smile never left Grandpa’s face.

We remember Grandpa as a role model. He made a big impression on his entire family. He loved to read, especially in the winter months and both his daughter Nancy and his son Todd learned to love reading too. He took the family on many vacations and inspired my father’s love of travel. On a much smaller scale, I learned to wink because of Grandpa. He always winked at me and it frustrated me that I couldn’t wink back. I finally taught myself and in the very last memory I have of my grandpa he winked at me and I winked back and he smiled and said, “That’s my girl.”

We remember Grandpa as selfless. In training for the air force, they had to wear masks, but the mask didn’t fit one boy with a thin face. He was getting gassed out so Grandpa held it for him while still carrying all of his own supplies. One story I like to tell is how one time after he had heart surgery in Lincoln and several of us grandkids were taking turns visiting him. He and I were sitting watching 60 Minutes together and out of the blue, he turns to me and says “Rox? If you ever need anything extra up here at college, you’ll let me know right?’ I assured him I would and he patted my hand and said. “Watch out for the other yay-hoos too. You let me know if anyone needs anything.” The man just went through major surgery and he was sitting in bed worried about his grandchildren.

We remember Grandpa as a hard-worker. When he was young, he handpicked corn at 4:00 in the morning when his grandpa woke him up. He’d chop the coca burrs because Grandpa Alec didn’t like them. He milked cows and delivered milk before school in the morning. 10 cents for a quart. 5 cents for a pint. He used all that hard-earned money and bought himself a Model T for the grand total of $10. He also had a garden of radishes to sell. He watered it with the belt of that Model T. He never lost that work ethic. He drove the combine until he was 84 years old. He was proud of his work. After a job of moving bales or mowing he’s say, “Seldom do you see a job that good.” Even when checked into the hospital, they asked him if he had any concerns and David heard him say he was concerned they wouldn’t get done with harvest.

We remember Grandpa as an advocate for our education. He only went to college one year but wanted that experience for every one of us. Kassie remembers him always telling her to stop worrying about him and start studying. My dad always tells the story of how he came back from college after his first semester and told his dad he wasn’t going back to school and Grandpa said “Oh yes you are.” Never gave him a choice in the matter. He didn’t want to settle for anything but the best for his kids. Although he did warn us all about that dreadful chemistry class. He “scraped out of there with a D.” Evidently Jacob didn’t listen since he’s a biochemistry major.

But most of all we just remember him as Grandpa. He was always very proud of that role. He was very close to his own grandfather and wanted to be what Grandpa Alec was for him to his own grandkids. He enjoyed being a grandpa more than almost any other role in his life. One example of this joy is when my brother Josh was little Grandpa asked him a question and Josh responded “Me don’t know Grandpa.” After that, anytime Grandpa didn’t know an answer to a question he answered the same way, “Me don’t know Grandpa,” tickled by his grandson’s response. We enjoyed him just as much. Many of us remember going on rides in the combine with him. He loved to take us on rides. Going on any kind of ride with Luke driving was a different story. He gave us all beautiful memories that we can carry with us for years to come. Matt remembers going fishing with him as a kid. Shane remembers playing the card game “I Doubt It.” Brigitte remembers when he’d slip money into her palm when he thought no one was looking and tell her to “buy something nice.”

Many nights as the sun set, my grandpa would look up at the sky and count the airplanes. As the sun sets tonight and we put my grandpa to rest we will not be counting only airplanes but also counting our blessings. We could have never asked for a better man to call our grandfather. We love you Grandpa. 

My World of Birds

Sitting in the green grass
of my grandmothers back yard.
I watch birds flit
in and out
in and out
of the birdhouse I made for her.
They aren't cardinals like those on the calendar in her kitchen,
but I hope she likes them just the same.

"There they are,"
My mom points toward the passenger window.
We stop screaming at each other
and our sticky mouths gape open.
The fields are stirring with cranes.
One shoots up and uses her gigantic wings to
float.

Someone is hammering in the back yard.
I am looking for the source.
No one is out here.
I look in the lilac bushes and around the pool.
Then I catch its bright red head high on the pole.
Dad says it's a woodpecker.
"Like Woody?"
He laughs.

We begged mom to take us to the "big hill."
On top are the crazy birds.
They are emus, not ostriches.
They kind of scare me,
but they are so funny when they run.

Grandma Donna watches the birds too,
but not out a window.
We sit together and stare at the computer screen
as if we are sitting diligently on the nests
that house those baby eagles
or hummingbirds.
We giggle at the babies' open mouths.

A wren has laid a nest in mom's flowers.
She waters around them
and worries about the wind that rocks the hanging basket.
There are three eggs.
I see her eyes wonder back to those
itty bitty eggs.
Even after we go inside.

My parents keep a bird feeder in the back now.
Every time I go home, I watch the hordes
or multi-colored birds that have landed there.
They flit back and forth,
back and forth.
And I am at home in my world of birds.

The Orphaned Protagonist

I read a blog post recently about the lack of mothers in children's movies and television. She was ranting about this misrepresentation in media. Although I didn't agree with all of her points, I was initially as baffled as her. Why are there just single fathers in Beauty and the Beast or Finding Nemo? How about Aladdin, Pocahontas, Despicable Me or Little Mermaid? Even Bambi and The Fox and the Hound? The list goes on.

But the reason is actually fairly clear to me. It is not an issue of Disney or other producers hating mothers. I think it is an issue of stereotypes. Let me explain. If any young character is going to have an adventure or become a strong character, they must be left to their own devices. This means the character must be orphaned in some shape or form. While they do kill both parents off in many movies, sometimes they leave the dad, thought to be the worse of two parents and just make him kind of clueless, letting their kids get into trouble.

You're thinking of examples now aren't you? Interesting isn't it? You probably have some exceptions. I did. In many TV shows that I watched as a kid (Wild Thornberrys, Jimmy Neutron, Fairly Odd Parents) they had both parents. But they were the worst parents ever right? My sister and I used to make fun of them all the time.

This theme isn't just in animated movies or TV shows, although those are the easiest to illustrate. It's very common in young adult literature which is something I know a lot about. I just finished reading Divergent today. The whole thing is about her leaving her parents. If she had stayed in Abnegation do you think there would have been any story? Of course not. Katniss had to leave her mom and sister in the Hunger Games. Harry Potter was an orphan from the start. In the Giver, the parents are like robots. Would there be The Outsiders if the boys' parents were still alive?

So I guess the lesson here is nothing exciting will happen to you when your parents are around. Haha just kidding. But I am fascinated with this topic. It's been right under my nose my entire life and I never really thought about it. Hope maybe you learned something new too.

The Honor of Being a Maid of Honor

It has been a while since I have posted on this blog, but with such a hectic summer, I realize I have missed posting about a major piece of my summer. On May 31st, I had the honor of being the maid of honor in my friend Ashley's wedding. For those of you who really know me, you probably know I'm not a wedding person. I don't anything about flowers or invitations or decorations. I can't plan a party or a shower. I've never had grand plans for my own wedding. So, when I was asked to take on this big role for Ashley, after the initial excitement, I was worried about not being good enough to do the job.

But the job of maid of honor is all about party planning and decorating. It is the job of being a friend. Instead of trying to be perfect, I just tried to have fun. And I did. In fact, it was one of the most fun experiences of my life. We laughed and danced and enjoyed each other's company. We shared old memories and created new ones. I may not have remembered every detail of planning that I should have as the maid of honor but this is what I do remember.

I remember putting together bouquets at midnight the night before the wedding and laughing too much while playing with water bubbles because we were over tired. I remember cramming into a tiny room and seeing Ashley put on her dress for the first time. I remember Darrin squeezing Ashley's knee as we settled into the bus after the wedding and being filled with joy for them. I remember how the party bus took us like 20 minutes in the wrong direction. I remember dancing barefoot on the sticky floor. I will remember happiness from everyone. It was a wonderful night.

I know my mom posted this speech I gave earlier on Facebook but it was frozen so hopefully this version is better. Thank you Ashley. It was an honor to be your maid of honor.

Aunt Nancy

Earlier today my grandpa woke up from an afternoon nap. Sometimes he is disoriented or confused asking where he is or who I am. But on this particular occasion, he remembered all too well.

"We lost our Nancy," he said.

And my heart shattered into a million pieces. I will forever remember that moment and the utter heartbreak that weighted down his whole body and made my father cry. The world has lost a wonderful woman. She was a caring and patient daughter, an amazing big sister to four ornery brothers, a loving wife of 44 years, and an outstanding and dedicated mother who raised two incredible young men that I'm lucky to call my cousins.

I'll always remember Nancy as a storyteller. No one else could retell an event with such charisma. I always looked forward to talking to her at every family gathering for this reason. She had a contagious smile and she laughed all the time. I could even recognize when she was on the phone with my dad because there was always a smile in his voice when she called.

She wasn't ever dominating the conversation either. Each time I saw her she greeted me with a warm hug and asked me about exactly what I was doing in my life. It never felt like small talk but genuine caring. The last time I talked to her, she was so excited about my Scotland trip and my future as a teacher. I am so sad that I won't ever be able to chat with her about those experiences.

She was also a great gift-giver. I know that might sound silly but, as a kid especially, it was so exciting. When others would give you money or gift cards, she always hand-picked something unique like a scarf or a jewelry holder. They always meant so much because I knew she had thought through exactly what I might like.

Of course, these are only a small part of the woman that my aunt Nancy was. We will all miss her and love her and remember her in our own way. But none will miss her more than her husband and sons. Those three were her whole world. My heart goes out to them all at this time.

I love you Nancy.

You Can't Capture Scotland in a Picture

This is going to be my third and final installment of pictures and videos from my Scotland trip. I head back home on Saturday. Although I've tried to capture as much as I could for memory's sake, I know that my experience is too big for any picture. There is a feeling about Scotland that I can't describe in words or images. I will remember this month for the rest of my life. It has been beautiful. 

The restaurant/bar we went to. 

You can kind of see the parade coming down the hill. This was called Pipefest. 

Battle of Bannockburn reenactment.

They had really cool camps set up around the battlefield.

They are making chair legs with string.

This was at the battle memorial. Thought it was sweet. 

We went on a Tree Top Adventure!

Taking pictures of each other I guess haha

I was at the back of the pack so most of my pictures are from behind, sorry.

She was scared to death at this point. Jacky took the easy way out and went across on the net to the left.

She hit her head on the first zip line. 

Enjoying local delicacies after a long day in the trees. (Fish and Chips and Fried Mars bars). You can tell by my face, I wasn't really a fan. 

My first trip on a double decker bus. I sat right up front.

In front of The Elephant House where J.K. Rowling wrote.

An ancient lighthouse top. 

It's Dolly the Sheep.

Telephone booth selfie!

Edinburgh Castle

Edinburgh from above.

In front of the castle.

It's really blurry but this is the guard that marched after the Queen and Prince William. We tried but couldn't actually see the royalty. 

We were like children in the optical illusion buidling. The video a little further down shows a display in the hologram gallery.

We ate at Frankenstein's Pub.