Were you ever told to "think of the poor children starving in Africa?" Or "at least you have a home/food/clothes/etc." That "things could be worse?" We are always trying to "put things in perspective." It is as if comparing our struggles to those of other will lessen our pain or worries or anxiety. I think that is crap.
The truth is that you never, ever know what someone is going through. Just because a life seems good... just because someone seems happy... just because they have things they need, does not mean a person isn't hurting. We are all born different. Our brains produce different emotions. We handle situations differently. We have different capabilities. That doesn't make us weaker or stronger. It makes us human.
Sure, resilience is a good quality and one I try to instill in my students, but I also work very hard to help them understand that what is good for one is not good for all.
In my classroom, I write one student's summaries for him because he has a learning disability and I see his frustration at getting those great thoughts down on paper. I let one student lay her head on her desk many days because she told me about her terrible headaches. I give some students more encouragement than others because I know they have anxiety or low self-esteem. My students notice these things. They compare and question. And when they question me, I always tell them, "Everyone is different." Then, I usually give them something personal I know about them. "I know you have a hard time sitting still, so I send you out with deliveries sometimes." Or "I know you hate fiction, so I make sure there is always a newspaper for you to read at personal reading time." Or "I know you struggle to make it from P.E. to my class so I give you a pass to put your bag away sometimes."
If I sit down and think about, I know I have done something different with each one of my students. I am fortunate to have very small classes so I have time to listen to all of their perspectives and dilemmas.
Just yesterday, I could tell one of my students was very upset as he was walking out of class. I pulled him aside and asked him to sit down with me before going to his next period. I asked what was wrong. He told me about a student that closed his computer before he could save his progress and now he was sure his assignment would be late. He then told me that he felt everyone was picking on him. Honestly, I was very surprised. From my perspective, this student is very well-liked. He is funny and people are always wanting to work with him and I figured the computer incident was accidental or a bad joke. I didn't tell him this though. My observations are not his point of view. I do not live his life. So, all I could do was say I was sorry he felt that way. I asked what I could do and when he said "nothing," I gave him an extension on the assignment anyway.
So just because you would have done something differently or you see things a different way or there are worse problems in the world, doesn't mean any one person's perspective is invalid or bad. The world isn't so black and white. It isn't just good vs. bad or right vs. wrong or strong vs. weak. We are all living a different life. We all have a different perspective on the world.
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