Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself

My parents are very fond of retelling the story of the Mamba. Whenever I mention a roller coaster or amusement park, my dad starts, "You used to hate roller coasters. You cried the whole line to the Mamba." And I did. The closer we got to the actual ride, the more I completely panicked. I couldn't breathe. I was shaking. I couldn't even move after I actually got into the car.

I was afraid of heights and that fear was completely debilitating. Fear can be that way. In my life, fear has stopped me from enjoying the view of the Grand Canyon, got me stuck in a Burger King playpen (only in my mind), and has deterred me from going to the doctor. Although I hate to hear the story of me bawling like a baby on a fun ride, the Mamba experience was a big moment for me. I loved the ride. And since that time, I have enjoyed many, many other exhilerating rides.

Facing the fear head-on, no matter how embarrassing enriched my life in a small way. As a kid, I was so afraid of heights I couldn't go on the slide at the park. Now I can ride on a airplane and be (mostly) calm. I have also faced my claustrophobia through lots of crowded elevators and my fear of needles by giving blood. I have tackled social anxiety by becoming a tour guide and talking to strangers every day.

I am still afraid of heights . I definitely have to leave crowds with lots of small talk after a while. When I gave blood last week, I still shook. Everyone is afraid of something. I understand my examples are little fears. Many of us are afraid of big things. Fear of death. Fear of failure. Fear of being alone. Fear of not being enough. But I am not allowing fear to control my life. I will face it, challenge it, and most of all accept it. I am afraid. I must not let fear affect my joy.