Cry Me A River

Do you remember the last time you cried? I don't mean when you saw a sweet love scene in a romantic comedy and got a little emotional. I mean real tears that roll down your cheeks because you can't keep those drops of feeling inside. Personally, that was probably yesterday for me. I'm a crier. Always have been. It's actually really pathetic. I'll cry when I'm lonely or when I'm frustrated. I'll cry at movies or just thinking of a memory. It's very inopportune sometimes and I need to get a handle on it before I get into the "real world."
But this week, I've thought a lot about crying. I went and saw the movie The Impossible and I sobbed. I actually had to catch my breath. And remember when I said The Fault in Our Stars wasn't weepy? Sorry to ruin this for anyone, but I was mistaken. Honestly, though, it is a book about cancer. If I, of all people, didn't cry, it probably wasn't any good. It was a stressful week and I haven't been sleeping well because I'm always either stressing or I can't sleep because my back hurts.
I have a distinct memory of sitting in the backyard of my Grandma Marj's house, crying in the grass. I'm sure I was being a spoiled brat and pouting about something one of my siblings did. My grandma walked up to me and looked down and said, "Crying will get you nowhere in life." This wasn't the first time I heard that sentiment, but I never cried in front of Grandma again. And I can't tell you how many times my father told me that "crying won't solve anything."
I love my grandma and dad, don't get me wrong, but I have recently decided I respectfully disagree. I think crying will not only solve problems, but also might get me somewhere in life.
 First of all, when I cry, it often feels like I'm cleaning my body out. I have cried myself to sleep countless times and, let me tell you, those are the best sleeps of my life. I wake up refreshed and revitalized for whatever situation led me to cry in the first place. As a person with insomnia, this is a benefit.
Second, John Green said in Will Grayson, Will Grayson that "crying is totally avoidable if you...don't care too much." Tears scream honesty to me. They also scream empathy. I am much more likely to trust people that I've seen express emotion than those who haven't. I think the social norm that men shouldn't cry is dumb. I don't think I am a bad person or even a weak person because I cry. I think it shows I care. Sometimes it's inconsequential things like grades that I care about, but it's also sometimes about other people. I care when a family member is upset or when I've hurt a friend's feelings. I care about others' pain or loss, even if it's fictional. I think maybe that will get me somewhere in life. Everyone wants to be cared about.

The Fault in Our Stars

First of all, I love John Green. His writing might be YA fiction that has no scholarly significance, but it has wit and heart. His characters stick with me forever. His book called Looking for Alaska was one of my favorite in high school. I remember reading it on a flight to Arizona and the flight was much too short. I continued to read all of his other works, but none of them spoke to me quite like that one, until now. I am reading The Fault in Our Stars now. It is about two teens with cancer who meet at support group. Cancer books and movies, from what I have experienced, are almost always melodramatic and weepy. But this book isn't. It is smart and sometimes funny.
I really connect to Hazel, because she is an avid reader. One very interesting topic that they talked about since it was a book about mortality was the idea of keeping people alive in books. I have heard from writers a lot that they are trying to capture someone in their writing. But people remember the authors, they don't remember the people they base their books on. In a letter from Hazel's favorite author, he says, "You do not immortalize the lost by writing about them. Language buries, but does not resurrect." It can help survivors cope, but you have to know the person to remember them. They live on in minds and hearts, not words.
The title of the book comes from Shakespeare from Julius Caesar, "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars/ But in ourselves." I haven't read that particular play, so I don't know what Shakespeare is talking about in this instance, but I think it speaks about fate vs. free will, a very controversial subject. I think these characters must face a fate that isn't fair at all, like life often is. The fault is in our stars. But these characters choose how they deal with their fate. Some times are hard, but most of the time, they choose happiness. They choose love. And that's powerful.
So that's what I have been thinking about this week. I haven't finished the book, because I've been busy, but I still recommend it already. Hopefully it doesn't end disastrously. I'll leave you with my favorite quote of the book so far. Have a great weekend!
 
"As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once."

My Limited Vocabulary

Today, I had an assignment in my Linguistics class in which I had to read a list of words and check the ones that I knew the definition of. Seems simple enough, until the first section of "simple" words gives you words like valetudinarian and leitmotiv. What?

So my results came out that I know approximately 19,000 English words and the average is 20,000-25,000. Right now I'm pouting about the whole situation. As an avid reader and writer, this is a huge hit to my confidence.  My constant losses in absolutely every Words with Friends game should have given me a hint that I wasn't up to par.

So I face the dilemma, how do I learn more words? Most people say this is through reading, but I am constantly reading. I can't remember the last time I wasn't reading a book. My solution (for now, I am hoping some of you might have other suggestions) is to have a Word of the Day every day. So, be on the lookout for new words in my blogs in weeks to come so I expand my vocabulary inchmeal.

See? Inchmeal was Merriam-Webster's word of the day and my autocorrect is underlining it! I just don't understand...

Some More Moments of "Life"

So, I've started a new semester of classes. It looks like it will be another challenging one, but I'm up for it. Two creative writing courses, so that should be interesting. I didn't have anything specific to write about this week so I thought I'd play off of my older post reflecting on moments that I was really "living" this week. So here they are. Hope everyone is having a wonderful 2013 so far. More to come in the following weeks.

1. The moment I woke up on Monday morning actually excited about my new classes. 
2. Turning the radio up really loud on my trip back to Lincoln.
3. Seeing my friend again and telling stories over a smoothie.
4. The "mystery gifts" that Stephanie and I keep finding that Sarah left us in the apartment.
5. Finding out I have a new baby cousin.

Imprints in the Snow

This is a poem I wrote back in April after my friend Moriah passed away. It's not my best poem, but I thought it was appropriate to share now because there is so much snow on the ground. It was a cold night like tonight that I had in mind when I wrote this down.

IMPRINTS IN THE SNOW

Have you ever looked back at your footprints

in the snow? They have ridges and swirls. Some

rough and windblown. Some clear where your foot

pressed deep. Firm. It’s not just snowflakes that are

one of a kind.

I look back now in the hollowness of dusk. Inhale

icy air. Exhale warm clouds. I’ve set down a long

line of imprints. Feet in the streets of New York.

Feet stuck in muddy roads of Nebraska. Along side my 

mother. Holding hands with my father. Other steps alone.

Some make me hear the wind echo with laughter,

Sweeter than any melody by even your precious

Death Cab for Cutie. Other prints hold holes filled with 

icicle tears.

I see your imprints back there too. Stopped much too short.

Your new grey fuzzy boots. Size 6.

Suddenly a street light brightens the night

like a warm smile. I turn my face skyward and

stick out my tongue. Receiving each white flake 

as a gift that melts into my heart.

The untouched snow before me is beautiful.

Frightening and fragile.

I don’t want to mess it up.

But you have to take

 a step somewhere.

Even on the lonely nights.

Movies of 2012

So, it's officially 2013. Happy New Year everyone! I know I broke my promise and didn't post for over a week. But it's the holidays. I'll post again this week to make up for it. The holidays are ending, which is very sad, but we are moving onto to another exciting time of year...award season. I know this sounds ridiculous but I love watching all the  award shows in January and February. So in honor of that, I am going to review what I thought were the movies highlights of the year. This is not to say that they will receive any awards. The academy and I are usually at odds about these things.

The Dark Knight Rises-I already talked about this in one of my first blog posts. The cinematography was beautiful and it was perfectly cast. (Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anne Hathaway were incredible) In comparison with the other superhero movies of the year (The Amazing Spider-Man, The Avengers), it brought up real emotion instead of action sequences.

21 Jump Street-One of the most laugh-out-loud movies I've watched in quite some time. I just went to this one with friends when we had nothing else to do and loved it. I hope Jonah Hill continues to write scripts, because he created an amazing one on his first shot. Channing Tatum is hot this year, but I think this movie showed he has more than a hot body. He actually has great comedic timing.

Animated Movies- I love animated movies. I saw some great ones this year too. I think Madagascar 3 was the best of the series. I laughed not just because it was cute but because it was genuinely funny. Recently I saw Rise of the Guardians and that was fantastic too. A great take on the characters every child knows and had great animation. Sweet for Christmastime too.

Alan Arkin in Argo-This movie was an amazing story and I'm glad I saw it, but it wouldn't have been half as entertaining without Arkin. He contrasted the serious events with dry humor to make it great. He was perfect for the character.

The Hobbit- I just saw this a few days ago and was very very impressed. I loved that book because it was about a quiet reader who lives out his adventures. I think Peter Jackson did it justice even though I was occassionaly irritated because things were different than the book. I cannot think of a better Bilbo Baggins than Martin Freeman. Just his facial expressions were fantastic. The scenery was beautiful and exactly how I imagined. I can't understand how Jackson is able to create that every time. It was amazing overall.

I know there are many things missing. First of all, I did not see The Hunger Games or The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I have stated before my pet peeve about great books made into movies and haven't convinced myself to give them a chance yet. I do love Jennifer Lawrence and bet she did wonderfully though. Also, I still have not seen Les Misérables or Silver Linings Playbook or Hitchcock and cannot comment on that yet, but they will hopefully be seen before the Oscars so I can have solid opinions. I don't want to see Django or Zero Dark Thirty. I just hate gory movies or war movies and I expect them both to be just that.

Once again Happy New Year everyone!