While all the talk and attention this season has been about the series finale of Game of Thrones, the same week a series finale of a show I have watched for a LOT of years aired: The Big Bang Theory. And while no series finale can please everyone, I really enjoyed this ending. While a light-hearted comedy throughout, this show oftentimes bumped up against important life themes like friendships, relationships, and compromise.
In the last episode, Sheldon gives a heartfelt speech to show his appreciation for the important people in his life. This was out-of-character for a guy who viewers often ask "Why are they even friends with him?" after he insults, belittles, or infuriates them. The speech came after his wife, Amy confronts him in this scene:
Sheldon: How can you call them friends when they are abandoning us?
Amy: They're abandoning us because you broke their hearts.
Sheldon: I didn't mean to.
Amy: I know. You never mean to. That's the only reason people tolerate you.
Something about that really hit Sheldon hard...and it stuck with me as well. Friends and family can hurt us the most because we care about them and their opinions and reactions the most. But actions or words don't always reflect intentions. Advice from a parent may make you feel embarrassed or annoyed when really the fact that they are there to give their input is an extraordinary act of caring. A friend might not listen to you when you really want them to or may hurt your feelings, but you know that in an emergency, they would drop everything to help. If you know that about someone...they care. In Big Bang Theory, Sheldon annoyed the living hell out of everyone, but he was always there for people. While his help wasn't always ideal, showing up is caring. I say the wrong thing all the time, but I hope the people I care about know that those in-the-heat-of-the-moment words don't reflect my heart.
There's a million ways to show you care about someone. Try to look past the small moments and look at the bigger heart of people. And, like Sheldon, also take time to be explicit and say the words sometimes too.
Sunday, June 23, 2019
Thursday, May 23, 2019
What I Learned in My First Four Years of Teaching
Today marks the last day of my 4th year teaching at Park Middle School.
Three years ago, on this final week of my first year, I was a mess. My classroom was a literal mess of broken pencils and graffiti on the tables. My kids were out of control. My mental stability was hanging on by a thread. I felt like the kids hadn't learned anything and I was a terrible teacher.
This year, during this last week, I watched students work hard to perfect their final projects and clean up after themselves without asking. I easily organized my classroom to pack it up. The kids smiled and laughed and cheered each other on during final games and activities without ever disrupting other classes. I am confident that every single student has improved in one aspect of reading. I don't think I'm a great teacher and I definitely haven't slept much this week, but I definitely don't feel depressed and over-stressed either.
So what happened in the last three years to improve the quality of my final days? What have a learned? The answer is A LOT. But, if I had to break it down, here are the most important things I have learned as a teacher:
1. Get to Know Your Students. While this is always something I tried to do, I didn't realize how important it was at first. When you greet students by name and mention something you know about them or ask them personal questions, they begin to feel respected and safe in the classroom. When students feel safe, they relax and don't react in volatile ways as often. When they feel respected, they give more respect in turn. The authentic relationships you build are amazing too!
2. Find a Balance. In my first year...or two... Who am I kidding? Even this year, I found it hard to separate my personal life from my teacher life. I would lug piles of papers home and spend nights in bed typing lessons or creating presentations. I found myself worrying about a student issue in the middle of a conversation with a friend or family member. I know now that is essential for my mental well-being to separate myself and take a break. By leaving papers to grade and my work computer at school most days this semester, I have forced myself to stop and do things for myself. This makes me calmer and, just like my students, I have less impulsive responses to situations at school when I have had a break.
3. Be Honest with Students. So many people gave me advice my first year to be strict and firm for the beginning of the year and not show signs of weakness. Actually, my second year I worked even harder at "acting tough" because I figured that is where I went wrong. I don't act at all anymore. I am myself. I don't deny students and give consequences "because I said so" or to exude power and control. Whenever I can, I explain my decisions. While the response: "You can't go to the bathroom right now because you'll miss the instructions and they are important. Can I have your attention for a while and then we'll come back to this if you still really need to go?" is a lot longer than "No!" I guarantee it gets better results. Students generally want to work with you and like when you explain things. I also admit my mistakes. If I do react harshly, I will tell them why I was upset and apologize. Some may say that shows weakness. I believe it models how to correct your mistakes.
4. Don't Let Tests Be "The End." Tests are supposed to show us what students know or don't know. They should be used to better our students not just label them with a letter. When almost everyone in my class failed a test, I used to be upset with them for not listening. Now, I take time to figure out how to reteach or approach the material differently. I think this also helps with management because students get out-of-hand when they are frustrated or give up. I don't give up on them and I tell them I expect them to never give up on themselves either. That common understanding that there is no "end" to any lesson has changed my classroom dramatically.
5. Tell Kids the Positive Things. I know. This can be hard. Especially, when "that kid" tests your patience again and again. I work every day to notice good things though. "Hey, I really appreciated you sitting down before the bell rang today" can change a bad day to a good day. It really can. I also make more positive phone calls home than I did before. My kids are amazing. They should know it. Their parents should know it. Confident kids work to be better. Self-conscious kids act out in different ways.
6. Classroom Set-Up Matters. My first year, I set up my room with rows of desks because that is what I had my entire career as a student. That is how classrooms look, right? Why do these kids deserve any different? Now, I spend literally hours before a school year thinking about access to materials and ability to work in groups and how I am going to move around the classroom. I did a mock walk-through this year. I'm serious. I sat in every chair to make sure they could see important posters with class rules and all of the white boards. It was time well-spent because my classroom worked this year. I was able to actively monitor. My kids didn't need to move all over the room. Plus, the pops of color made my room more welcoming...which gives a feeling of safety (See #1).
7. Ask for Help. I am still SO bad at this, but I at least know it and am trying. My first year, I didn't know where the teacher's lounge in my school was for two whole weeks and didn't want to ask anyone. I'm serious. So silly. I figured out online grade books and printing and fire drills and material orders all by myself. I felt like if I asked, I would be judged. Who cares? It is such a waste of my time and mental energy to do things myself that others could do more efficiently. Sometimes a co-worker has extra materials that will make your life so much easier (Thank you Heidi and Karla!). Sometimes, that computer problem is a one-second fix with help and a one-hour job alone. Oftentimes, talking through a problem with another teacher or administrator will give you a new perspective you could have never seen on your own.
I am going to miss Park so much! But, I have learned some great lessons here that I know will help serve me in every teaching experience I have to come.
Three years ago, on this final week of my first year, I was a mess. My classroom was a literal mess of broken pencils and graffiti on the tables. My kids were out of control. My mental stability was hanging on by a thread. I felt like the kids hadn't learned anything and I was a terrible teacher.
This year, during this last week, I watched students work hard to perfect their final projects and clean up after themselves without asking. I easily organized my classroom to pack it up. The kids smiled and laughed and cheered each other on during final games and activities without ever disrupting other classes. I am confident that every single student has improved in one aspect of reading. I don't think I'm a great teacher and I definitely haven't slept much this week, but I definitely don't feel depressed and over-stressed either.
So what happened in the last three years to improve the quality of my final days? What have a learned? The answer is A LOT. But, if I had to break it down, here are the most important things I have learned as a teacher:
1. Get to Know Your Students. While this is always something I tried to do, I didn't realize how important it was at first. When you greet students by name and mention something you know about them or ask them personal questions, they begin to feel respected and safe in the classroom. When students feel safe, they relax and don't react in volatile ways as often. When they feel respected, they give more respect in turn. The authentic relationships you build are amazing too!
2. Find a Balance. In my first year...or two... Who am I kidding? Even this year, I found it hard to separate my personal life from my teacher life. I would lug piles of papers home and spend nights in bed typing lessons or creating presentations. I found myself worrying about a student issue in the middle of a conversation with a friend or family member. I know now that is essential for my mental well-being to separate myself and take a break. By leaving papers to grade and my work computer at school most days this semester, I have forced myself to stop and do things for myself. This makes me calmer and, just like my students, I have less impulsive responses to situations at school when I have had a break.
3. Be Honest with Students. So many people gave me advice my first year to be strict and firm for the beginning of the year and not show signs of weakness. Actually, my second year I worked even harder at "acting tough" because I figured that is where I went wrong. I don't act at all anymore. I am myself. I don't deny students and give consequences "because I said so" or to exude power and control. Whenever I can, I explain my decisions. While the response: "You can't go to the bathroom right now because you'll miss the instructions and they are important. Can I have your attention for a while and then we'll come back to this if you still really need to go?" is a lot longer than "No!" I guarantee it gets better results. Students generally want to work with you and like when you explain things. I also admit my mistakes. If I do react harshly, I will tell them why I was upset and apologize. Some may say that shows weakness. I believe it models how to correct your mistakes.
4. Don't Let Tests Be "The End." Tests are supposed to show us what students know or don't know. They should be used to better our students not just label them with a letter. When almost everyone in my class failed a test, I used to be upset with them for not listening. Now, I take time to figure out how to reteach or approach the material differently. I think this also helps with management because students get out-of-hand when they are frustrated or give up. I don't give up on them and I tell them I expect them to never give up on themselves either. That common understanding that there is no "end" to any lesson has changed my classroom dramatically.
5. Tell Kids the Positive Things. I know. This can be hard. Especially, when "that kid" tests your patience again and again. I work every day to notice good things though. "Hey, I really appreciated you sitting down before the bell rang today" can change a bad day to a good day. It really can. I also make more positive phone calls home than I did before. My kids are amazing. They should know it. Their parents should know it. Confident kids work to be better. Self-conscious kids act out in different ways.
6. Classroom Set-Up Matters. My first year, I set up my room with rows of desks because that is what I had my entire career as a student. That is how classrooms look, right? Why do these kids deserve any different? Now, I spend literally hours before a school year thinking about access to materials and ability to work in groups and how I am going to move around the classroom. I did a mock walk-through this year. I'm serious. I sat in every chair to make sure they could see important posters with class rules and all of the white boards. It was time well-spent because my classroom worked this year. I was able to actively monitor. My kids didn't need to move all over the room. Plus, the pops of color made my room more welcoming...which gives a feeling of safety (See #1).
7. Ask for Help. I am still SO bad at this, but I at least know it and am trying. My first year, I didn't know where the teacher's lounge in my school was for two whole weeks and didn't want to ask anyone. I'm serious. So silly. I figured out online grade books and printing and fire drills and material orders all by myself. I felt like if I asked, I would be judged. Who cares? It is such a waste of my time and mental energy to do things myself that others could do more efficiently. Sometimes a co-worker has extra materials that will make your life so much easier (Thank you Heidi and Karla!). Sometimes, that computer problem is a one-second fix with help and a one-hour job alone. Oftentimes, talking through a problem with another teacher or administrator will give you a new perspective you could have never seen on your own.
I am going to miss Park so much! But, I have learned some great lessons here that I know will help serve me in every teaching experience I have to come.
Monday, May 13, 2019
What Mom Gave Us
My mom often tells the story of how blue my eyes were when I was a baby. She says my Grandpa Jack made comments about me having my mom's eyes. But after many months, those blue eyes faded away, unable to combat the dominant genes. None of the three of us inherited my mother's beautiful eyes. Unfortunately, we didn't get her artistic abilities either. Although you may not be able to see my mother in these prominent ways in her three children, you can definitely see her in other ways. I can't look in the mirror at myself or look at my siblings without seeing her.
I see her in my sister's tenacity and the way they both never let go until they have made things right.
I watch my brother's grin mirror my mom's every time he greets a animal.
I feel her when I'm worrying about a friend or family member.
I see my mom's work ethic in all of us. We always do our very best, no matter who is watching.
I see my mom's heart in my sister. While most of us build up walls of protection, they fearlessly hand over their whole hearts to all those they care about.
She is there in the way Josh immerses himself entirely into a television series or movie.
I hear her in my voice when I sing along to the radio (especially if it happens to be Shania or Tim McGraw or the Dixie Chicks)
My mom is in each of us. Look us in the eyes. They may not be blue, but our mom is definitely there. Thank you for helping us become the people we are, Mom.
I see her in my sister's tenacity and the way they both never let go until they have made things right.
I watch my brother's grin mirror my mom's every time he greets a animal.
I feel her when I'm worrying about a friend or family member.
I see my mom's work ethic in all of us. We always do our very best, no matter who is watching.
I see my mom's heart in my sister. While most of us build up walls of protection, they fearlessly hand over their whole hearts to all those they care about.
She is there in the way Josh immerses himself entirely into a television series or movie.
I hear her in my voice when I sing along to the radio (especially if it happens to be Shania or Tim McGraw or the Dixie Chicks)
My mom is in each of us. Look us in the eyes. They may not be blue, but our mom is definitely there. Thank you for helping us become the people we are, Mom.
Wednesday, May 8, 2019
Fighting Frustration with Laughter
Everyone says laughter is the best medicine and I never knew how true that was until this week. Monday was a bad day. I have no idea why, but I was upset all day. I cried several times for no logical reason. I lashed out and got angry about trivial things. Most likely, I was overtired from a long (but good) weekend. I didn't get much sleep on Monday night so expected Tuesday to go just as badly, but it didn't. And that's because I laughed.
I laughed at a movie. I laughed during conversation with friends. I laughed with my students. And each moment of laughter erased the anxiety and the built-up frustration and the sadness. By the end of the day, I felt like I could breathe again.
Did you know???
-We laugh up to 30 times more when in the company of others. It really is a contagious act. The act of laughter actually makes us feel a bond with other people. The best way to make new friends is to laugh with them.
-Real laughter (different than fake sounds that sound like laughter) actually builds up your immune system helps your body fight off harmful diseases.
-Laughing helps wake you up. It's very similar to a boost of caffeine.
-In several surveys of appearance, people who laughed were almost always rated more attractive.
-What population laughs most? Girls under the age of 13.
(Facts found in Time Magazine and on helpguide.org)
I laughed at a movie. I laughed during conversation with friends. I laughed with my students. And each moment of laughter erased the anxiety and the built-up frustration and the sadness. By the end of the day, I felt like I could breathe again.
Did you know???
-We laugh up to 30 times more when in the company of others. It really is a contagious act. The act of laughter actually makes us feel a bond with other people. The best way to make new friends is to laugh with them.
-Real laughter (different than fake sounds that sound like laughter) actually builds up your immune system helps your body fight off harmful diseases.
-Laughing helps wake you up. It's very similar to a boost of caffeine.
-In several surveys of appearance, people who laughed were almost always rated more attractive.
-What population laughs most? Girls under the age of 13.
(Facts found in Time Magazine and on helpguide.org)
Sunday, April 28, 2019
Sharing Memories of Moriah
Today, for whatever reason, I was browsing through old Facebook messages. I came across a message from my friend Moriah. It was before a trip to Arizona for Thanksgiving. It said, "While you're there, hang out by some golf courses and find a hot golfer. Marry him, stay in the sun, and invite me to hang out by your pool." It made me laugh until I cried. I didn't meet a hot golfer, Moriah, but, 8 years later, I am moving there and I wish so much that I could invite you to lay out by my pool.
Moriah died 7 years ago this month. That's so hard to believe. She had so much life in her short 20 years and I still miss that light all the time. I think the hardest part about losing a best friend is that my relationship with Moriah was so isolated. With the losses of my grandfathers, I have always had other people around me that shared the same memories with them. We are able to tell stories together and bring them up all the time. With Moriah, that was never the case. The majority of the experiences I had with Moriah were just her and me. The two of us shopping together. The two of us studying together. The two of us having dinner. We were a duo and half of that duo was ripped away. I was never able to say "Remember when...?" because I'm left alone to carry all of those wonderful memories.
I think it's important to remember. Although the memories weren't shared at the time, I can share them now. I will always remember Moriah calling me. She didn't like texting. She felt more connected when she could talk aloud. She called me the day before she died and started the conversation with "Hey girl! I just wanted to hear your voice." I will always remember our "study sessions" that involved absolutely no studying, but a whole lot of gummy worms and gossip (usually about boys.) I will always remember how she insisted on eating at Selleck dining hall even though it was far for both us to walk because the had the BEST cheese pizza. I will remember whenever she was happy, she would ask me to go to the mall where she picked up and modeled every purse in Dillard's that neither of us could actually afford and we laughed and laughed. I will remember when she was sad and we'd leave all the lights off in her dorm room and just lay on the rug and talk and cry. I will remember that her favorite scary movie was Cry Wolf and we watched it at least 10 times. And how much she loved cats and holidays and swimming and, most of all, her family. Although I know it sounds silly, every time I hear Cardi B on the radio, I think of Moriah because she would haved LOVED Cardi B. With Moriah, I was always comfortable talking because we both talked a lot (even at the same time sometimes) and that was okay. I could always be myself.
I was lucky to have a friend like Moriah. Thanks for letting me share a little bit of her today.
Moriah died 7 years ago this month. That's so hard to believe. She had so much life in her short 20 years and I still miss that light all the time. I think the hardest part about losing a best friend is that my relationship with Moriah was so isolated. With the losses of my grandfathers, I have always had other people around me that shared the same memories with them. We are able to tell stories together and bring them up all the time. With Moriah, that was never the case. The majority of the experiences I had with Moriah were just her and me. The two of us shopping together. The two of us studying together. The two of us having dinner. We were a duo and half of that duo was ripped away. I was never able to say "Remember when...?" because I'm left alone to carry all of those wonderful memories.
I think it's important to remember. Although the memories weren't shared at the time, I can share them now. I will always remember Moriah calling me. She didn't like texting. She felt more connected when she could talk aloud. She called me the day before she died and started the conversation with "Hey girl! I just wanted to hear your voice." I will always remember our "study sessions" that involved absolutely no studying, but a whole lot of gummy worms and gossip (usually about boys.) I will always remember how she insisted on eating at Selleck dining hall even though it was far for both us to walk because the had the BEST cheese pizza. I will remember whenever she was happy, she would ask me to go to the mall where she picked up and modeled every purse in Dillard's that neither of us could actually afford and we laughed and laughed. I will remember when she was sad and we'd leave all the lights off in her dorm room and just lay on the rug and talk and cry. I will remember that her favorite scary movie was Cry Wolf and we watched it at least 10 times. And how much she loved cats and holidays and swimming and, most of all, her family. Although I know it sounds silly, every time I hear Cardi B on the radio, I think of Moriah because she would haved LOVED Cardi B. With Moriah, I was always comfortable talking because we both talked a lot (even at the same time sometimes) and that was okay. I could always be myself.
I was lucky to have a friend like Moriah. Thanks for letting me share a little bit of her today.
Tuesday, April 16, 2019
Writing for an Audience
"What do you want me to write?" a boy asked me this morning. Anxiety played across his face. He wanted desperately to be "right." And I wouldn't give him the "right" answer. How terrible am I?
Want to know what he was writing? A journal.
I told this student, "Don't write the journal for me. Write it for yourself."
I say that a lot. Today, though, it dawned on me how silly that is. I write all the time...and I rarely write "for myself." That is not to say that I don't enjoy the act of writing or that I see everything I write as an assignment. I just find writing meaningful if I have an audience in mind.
When I began this blog, I was writing to Moriah. She always wanted me to write a blog, so each post kept her in mind and what she would enjoy or want to know about me. As time went on, I started writing to my students and I wanted them to know but couldn't tell them or to my family or to specific friends. I didn't write directly to them, but I would imagine these people reading my work and it changed how I wrote. Authors have a demographic in mind when they write books. It's a natural thing. Writing is meant for reading so the two acts intertwine.
So, after a few minutes at my desk, as I watched my student continue to struggle, I walked back over to him. I said, "This is about falling and standing back up, right? Why don't you write it as if you are telling your mom. Tell her something that would make her really proud. Or your younger brother, what advice would you give him?" He was quiet for several minutes, thinking, but was able to finish the whole journal... and it is a REALLY good story. I'm glad he found someone worth writing for.
Want to know what he was writing? A journal.
I told this student, "Don't write the journal for me. Write it for yourself."
I say that a lot. Today, though, it dawned on me how silly that is. I write all the time...and I rarely write "for myself." That is not to say that I don't enjoy the act of writing or that I see everything I write as an assignment. I just find writing meaningful if I have an audience in mind.
When I began this blog, I was writing to Moriah. She always wanted me to write a blog, so each post kept her in mind and what she would enjoy or want to know about me. As time went on, I started writing to my students and I wanted them to know but couldn't tell them or to my family or to specific friends. I didn't write directly to them, but I would imagine these people reading my work and it changed how I wrote. Authors have a demographic in mind when they write books. It's a natural thing. Writing is meant for reading so the two acts intertwine.
So, after a few minutes at my desk, as I watched my student continue to struggle, I walked back over to him. I said, "This is about falling and standing back up, right? Why don't you write it as if you are telling your mom. Tell her something that would make her really proud. Or your younger brother, what advice would you give him?" He was quiet for several minutes, thinking, but was able to finish the whole journal... and it is a REALLY good story. I'm glad he found someone worth writing for.
Friday, April 5, 2019
27 Things I've Accomplished in 27 Years
Yesterday, I turned 27. It's very easy for me to dwell on things I haven't done in those years. It's easy to look to the future and think about what I want to do. I think there is great value, though, in taking a moment to appreciate what I have accomplished in my 27 years. When I am asked what my biggest accomplishment is, I really struggle. I don't believe my minor life stories are good enough. I may not have been the best at anything. I may not have done something heroic. But I have done something.
1. I have completed a Bachelor's and Master's degree, complete with an honors thesis and Master's thesis.
2. I have traveled to two different countries on my own.
3. I have helped over 100 students improve their reading comprehension scores enough so they didn't have to take reading support classes in high school.
4. I designed and led production of a high school yearbook and college yearbook.
5. I have shown up for people when they needed a ride or a loan or just an open ear.
6. I have worked very hard to make myself healthier by being conscious of my activity level every day for the past 3-4 years.
7. I have donated over 3 gallons or blood and became a bone marrow donor candidate.
8. I started a blog and stuck with it for over 6 years now.
9. I made it to state speech competition in high school and and once got an Outstanding Actor award.
10. I took the initiative to learn about areas of need for my students and developed many lesson plans on my own to meet those needs.
11. I became the head of the reading department in my 3rd year of teaching.
12. I've conquered my fear of heights.
13. I've worked 8 different jobs including being a custodian, lifeguard, waitress, tour guide, speech judge, teacher, cashier, and most recently a delivery driver.
14. I worked to create spreadsheet and system to automatically track progress and place over 800 students at my school into classes.
15. I hiked over 25 miles of trails last summer and saw some amazing places.
16. I have learned what looks good on my in terms of clothing and makeup.
17. I have given speeches at one wedding and two funerals for people I loved.
18. Along with many failed recipes, I have learned to make a lot of really yummy things too.
19. I have volunteered at several events to make my community a better place.
20. I changed a tire by myself.
21. I came to basketball games to support students when their families couldn't.
22. I have tried zip-lining and indoor skydiving.
23. I have made some absolutely amazing friends.
24. I have walked away from people that didn't treat me the way I deserved to be treated.
25. I have become a much more organized person.
26. I have read over 600 books in my life.
27. I have, and continue to work to, become a better person each and every day.
1. I have completed a Bachelor's and Master's degree, complete with an honors thesis and Master's thesis.
2. I have traveled to two different countries on my own.
3. I have helped over 100 students improve their reading comprehension scores enough so they didn't have to take reading support classes in high school.
4. I designed and led production of a high school yearbook and college yearbook.
5. I have shown up for people when they needed a ride or a loan or just an open ear.
6. I have worked very hard to make myself healthier by being conscious of my activity level every day for the past 3-4 years.
7. I have donated over 3 gallons or blood and became a bone marrow donor candidate.
8. I started a blog and stuck with it for over 6 years now.
9. I made it to state speech competition in high school and and once got an Outstanding Actor award.
10. I took the initiative to learn about areas of need for my students and developed many lesson plans on my own to meet those needs.
11. I became the head of the reading department in my 3rd year of teaching.
12. I've conquered my fear of heights.
13. I've worked 8 different jobs including being a custodian, lifeguard, waitress, tour guide, speech judge, teacher, cashier, and most recently a delivery driver.
14. I worked to create spreadsheet and system to automatically track progress and place over 800 students at my school into classes.
15. I hiked over 25 miles of trails last summer and saw some amazing places.
16. I have learned what looks good on my in terms of clothing and makeup.
17. I have given speeches at one wedding and two funerals for people I loved.
18. Along with many failed recipes, I have learned to make a lot of really yummy things too.
19. I have volunteered at several events to make my community a better place.
20. I changed a tire by myself.
21. I came to basketball games to support students when their families couldn't.
22. I have tried zip-lining and indoor skydiving.
23. I have made some absolutely amazing friends.
24. I have walked away from people that didn't treat me the way I deserved to be treated.
25. I have become a much more organized person.
26. I have read over 600 books in my life.
27. I have, and continue to work to, become a better person each and every day.
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