No One Is Looking At You...

     I read in a book recently (I can't remember which one unfortunately) that most people are worried of what others are thinking of them while the other people are only worrying about themselves. At first, I rejected this idea. It seemed self-centered and I felt that not everyone was self-obsessed. Also, everyone is always judging everyone around them, right? 

    Yesterday, I walked into a gym to do a cycling class. I hadn't done one of those classes in a long time and knew that I was out of shape and would be terrible. To amplify my insecurities, the bikes lit up based on your pace and effort. While others had red lights flashing for the entire hour, I struggled to move my light from green to yellow. I felt really embarrassed, but then I remembered that book I had read. I took a quick glance around the room. Guess what? Besides me, no one was looking at anyone but themselves in the mirror or down at their bike. Every person was on their own journey. They were only worried about themselves. In fact, I remembered when I walked in. how the entire back row was taken first. Most likely those cyclist felt insecure as well. And even if someone had noticed my slow progress, they probably didn't think twice about it. Why would a stranger's abilities matter to them?

    Moments like this happen to me too often. A few weeks back, the jumpsuit I was wearing to work starting to come apart at one of the seams. The entire day, I had anxiety about if people were looking at it. It was layered, so it wasn't like you could even see skin. I just compounded my own anxiety about my weight and made a huge deal about a little tear. Then I thought, when have I ever studied one of my coworker's outfits? I couldn't tell you what anyone was wearing yesterday. Our work stations are 20 feet apart, for goodness sakes. And even if I had seen a rip in someone's outfit, I wouldn't have ever thought that rip was an indicator of their weight. Rips happen.

    Every person in the world has their own problems. Their own workload and families and goals and plans. Even if it seems self-absorbed, we as humans think of ourselves more than anyone else thinks of us. I need to be much less worried about others looking at me and much more concerned about how I look at myself. I may have many flaws, but there are a lot of good things to see too.