Appreciate Others, Appreciate Yourself

I have long believed one of greatest desires in human nature is the desire to be appreciated. Dissatisfaction at work or in relationships almost always stems from someone feeling unappreciated. Sometimes that feeling pushes us to try harder, hoping to prove our worth in some way. At other times, it causes a total shut-down. We stop giving our best effort to those who don't value it.

Even though we all crave recognition and appreciation in our lives, it can be easy to forget to give it in return. This doesn't just mean saying "thank you." It goes beyond that. Appreciating others means really noticing who in your life is putting forth effort. Who is creating happiness in your world? Who is making your life easier? Tell them! I have gotten a lot better at this since I started teaching at my school. We have a behavior reward system called Panther Paws and when we give these out, we are supposed to give specific praise. The act of doing this each and every day makes me notice and appreciate my students so much more. Today, these are some of the things I told my students:

-Thank you for coming into the room and being prepared. It makes things so much easier and we can get more done.
-I'm so glad you participated in the conversation. I learned something new from you.
-Thank you for writing in full sentences. It makes me feel good when you follow my instructions.
-I appreciate that you always have your work done on time.

This has become a daily routine in my classroom, which transcends out of the classroom as I appreciate my friends who give motivation and encouragement toward my goals or my parents who listen to my problems on the phone or my coworkers that give advice and input on specific assignments.

While it is easy for me to recognize those around me that deserve recognition, it is much more difficult for me to recognize the efforts I put forth myself that deserve appreciation. Out of the options in the first paragraph, I definitely fall in the realm of overworking myself in order to demonstrate my worth.  When I feel unappreciated at work, I tend to blame myself, and assume I'm not doing enough. When I don't feel like friends care, I try to do more for them.

And you want to know something? Working myself to death at work doesn't make me a better teacher. It doesn't earn me any more appreciation. It just makes me tired. Killing myself in order to be liked by other people doesn't help me make more friends or even better friends. I just lowers my self-worth. I used to think that doing whatever others wanted or needed, saying yes to every request, and making an huge effort in every aspect of my life made me a person to be admired, but I think, instead, it's made me lose myself. I appreciate people that are wholly themselves. So that's who I need to be, even if it means walking away from things I'm currently comfortable with.

Many times in my life, people have told me I was loyal. I have always taken this as a compliment. I still do. I think my loyalty to those I love and appreciate is important, but loyalty can't become something unhealthy. I saw this quote today. I don't know who said it, but I felt like it spoke to me on a very personal level:

"Don't let your loyalty become slavery. If they don't appreciate what you bring to the table, let them eat alone."