The title of this post was inspired by what someone I follow recently shared on Instagram, referring to how to avoid unhealthy relationships. I've been thinking about those words for several days. It seems like good advice. Obvious advice even. I think, though, it is very easy to ignore patterns. We would rather believe in potential or promises or apologies. We want to believe in loopholes or exceptions. I am always expecting people to change or grow.
The truth is, sometimes people do change. Sometimes they live up to their promises. Sometimes they really mean it when they apologize. That's what makes it tricky. When those small moments of exception happen, we think we can count on more. Usually we can't. Usually, the friend who cancels on you every week will cancel again. Usually, the guy that doesn't answer your texts will continue to not answer your texts. Your coworker still won't listen to your input. Your boss will still make you feel stupid. Patterns hold.
So, instead of hoping for an incongruity, switch to a better pattern. Be friends with someone who always shows up. Date someone who always make you feel important. Work with people who continue to work with you instead of against you. More than likely, the pattern will hold and you won't be disappointed.
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