Worrrying About Yourself

This video came out four years ago, but it never fails to make me laugh. I actually showed it to my students on the first day of school this year to teach the lesson that they should each worry about their own behavior and their own work and not those of others in the classroom.

It turns out I wasn't very good at taking my own (or this little girl's) advice. I very rarely worry solely about myself. Instead, I'm always paying attention to the actions and reactions or others. Always.

For example, this is why I absolutely always am the designated driver whenever we go somewhere. Even when I know I can get an Uber and I know I have nothing to do the next day, I'm worrying about whether everyone is having a good time. I'm worrying about everyone being together. I'm worrying about how much someone has had to drink. Sometimes I'm actually worrying that I am not acting happy enough and am bringing my friends down. I spend so much time gauging the emotions of all of my friends that I often forget to enjoy myself. I watch them all night, smile to show them I really am having a good time, make sure everyone gets food and water in their bellies, and put everyone to bed.

The same thing goes when I'm hosting someone (Do they like what we are eating? Am I boring them? How should I entertain them?). Or when I'm at work (Am I letting them talk? Is she getting enough help?). I worry over texts (Am I bothering/smothering him? Is she upset that I haven't texted back?) I sometimes even sit and worry about my spoiled rotten cats and if they are getting enough attention or exercise or too much food.

Lots of my friends call me the "mother" of the group, making sure everyone is happy and taken care of. It seems ironic that I am the one that has never ever wanted kids. I think that this worrying is a big reason that contributes to that though. I spend an entire day worried about what people think and feel(sometimes even people I don't actually like), so I can't imagine the weight of worry you would have from your own child. I prefer to go home and try my best to worry about my own needs for a few hours.

I have been thinking about this lately because I really want to take a trip on my own somewhere this summer. It doesn't have to be far (although if I had the money I would definitely be going abroad), but it has to be just for me. I haven't decided exactly what that will look like yet, but as the little girl said, "You drive! Worry about yourself. Go!"