Setting Boundaries

I think probably the most important thing I learned this year (my 2nd) in teaching so far is the art of setting boundaries. Obviously I always knew there should be clear rules and expectations. My classroom was never a place of complete chaos and no limits. I have rules posted on my wall and I go over what I expect of my students often. What I hadn't established (and am still in the process of) is continuing to the "or what?" game plan. I would yell and, unfortunately, sometimes even shame students when they disobeyed rules or behaved disrespectfully. As a result, I was constantly frustrated, exhausted, angry, and ashamed of myself.

What I'm realizing is that reprimanding a student every day for not doing their work or leaning back in their chairs is just making everyone tired. Instead, I starting saying calmly, "That is your warning. Change your behavior or sit in the break seat." Sometimes that is all it takes. The boundaries are set. They are sure. Sometimes, I get loud and angry resistance. But I try not to argue. I don't explain myself. I just ask them to move to the break seat. If they don't follow this, I hand them a pass to the office. No exceptions.

This seems so simple. So why wasn't I doing it before? Why was I wasting my time and energy and my students' learning time for discipline? I think the answer is that I wasn't confident in myself. When a student challenged me, I was worried I might be overreacting. I didn't want to be judged by other teachers or administrators for not being able to handle my students. Shame and self-doubt are terrible, awful, soul-eating feelings. But that email I nervously wrote to my principal yesterday asserting that a student was not allowed back in my room  without an apology and a plan for better behavior was worth it. The boundary was clear. He couldn't jump the fence, but had to use the gate.

I think this lesson might bleed over into other areas of my life. I am constantly worried about what others might think or not confident in my decisions, so I easily give in to changes suggested by others. I want to have boundaries in my life. I want to be confident that my first decision was the right one. This will take time, but I think, like with my disruptive student, building that fence will be worth it.