Teachers are always talking about that "lightbulb moment." I've heard about it so much that it seems cliché at this point. Teachers love when students "get it" for the first time. It validates us in our professions and shows growth in those kiddos we love so much. I like that moment too and have used it in the traditional "Why do you want to be a teacher?" interview question. It's not my favorite moment though. My favorite moment is a moment that has nothing to do with learning, but everything to do with life. I love the moments when students know they have been seen.
I have complimented my students in many ways as a teacher over the past five years. I tell them they are hard workers or I compliment their efforts on a test. I let them know about their improvement or give out smelly stickers that say "Great job!" My kids like all of those things. Who doesn't like positive attention? None of those reactions is quite as wonderful as the reaction to "I was thinking of you today/last night/yesterday/this morning..." along with something personal like a reference to a movie they like or sport they play. In those moments, it isn't just a quick "aha" or smile. Their entire body relaxes as if they lost their anxiety of the day and that classroom just became their home.
Middle school is a tough time. I remember how much I struggled with it. Not only are peer relationships tough, when you move from class to class, sometimes it's easy to avoid building any relationships at all with teachers too. All kids want to feel special, but they don't need to be creative or talented or smart or funny or pretty to be special. They are special without having to do anything. As Mr. Rogers used to say, "There's no person in the whole world like you. And I like you exactly as you are."
This isn't just true for middle school kids. Can you remember a time when a friend or family member messaged you out of the blue to bring up a shared memory or inside joke? It's an amazing feeling to know you were on someone else's mind even just for a minute. I know I think of other people randomly throughout my day as I hear a song on the radio or a certain shade of purple. I bet they would like to know they were special enough to trigger that moment in my day.
Right now, some people in the world have a heck of a lot more time on their hands. If you are one of those people, make those extra minutes count and reach out. Call someone. Text someone. Send them a hand-written letter. The world is a better place when we think of others.
Thursday, April 23, 2020
Saturday, April 18, 2020
Finding a Path to Love Yourself
Lately, I've had a hard time liking anything about myself. I look in the mirror in the morning and I immediately start picking apart my features; hating my skin, battling my hair, admonishing myself for not eating better or working out more. I go to bed at night, irritated with myself for not accomplishing anything. I lie there thinking about what I could do to be "better."
I understand that this social distancing is intensifying the problem. During the school year, I am able to create a lesson that makes me feel accomplished. I am able to feel good about myself as a teacher/hard worker/advocate for kids. I like myself in that role. I doubt my worth without it.
So I hike.
Friends and family members keep up with my hikes on social media and seem to think I'm good at it. I am not. I let everyone pass me. I have to stop and wheeze. I don't think I'm getting any better with practice. But each time I set foot on a new path, I have a mission in front of me. It's not a competition. I don't care about times or distances. I care about battling my self-doubt and making it to the top. When I make it to the top, I feel instantly good about myself.
Today, when I finished my hike, I looked in the rearview mirror of my car. I was covered in dirt and sweat. Neither my weight or my skin had improved in the slightest since my examination this morning. Regardless, I felt more beautiful. I felt strong. I liked myself. Even though I just walked a trail that thousands of others have walked before me, as I lie in bed tonight, I feel accomplished.
I hope all of you are able to find your own mountain to conquer during these disorienting times. I have seen some people that have planted some impressive gardens. Some of you have finished a book for the first time in years. Maybe your day was just spent cleaning your kitchen and that makes you feel great. It isn't the merits of the action that count. It could be as simple as putting one foot in front of the other like me.
I understand that this social distancing is intensifying the problem. During the school year, I am able to create a lesson that makes me feel accomplished. I am able to feel good about myself as a teacher/hard worker/advocate for kids. I like myself in that role. I doubt my worth without it.
So I hike.
Friends and family members keep up with my hikes on social media and seem to think I'm good at it. I am not. I let everyone pass me. I have to stop and wheeze. I don't think I'm getting any better with practice. But each time I set foot on a new path, I have a mission in front of me. It's not a competition. I don't care about times or distances. I care about battling my self-doubt and making it to the top. When I make it to the top, I feel instantly good about myself.
Today, when I finished my hike, I looked in the rearview mirror of my car. I was covered in dirt and sweat. Neither my weight or my skin had improved in the slightest since my examination this morning. Regardless, I felt more beautiful. I felt strong. I liked myself. Even though I just walked a trail that thousands of others have walked before me, as I lie in bed tonight, I feel accomplished.
I hope all of you are able to find your own mountain to conquer during these disorienting times. I have seen some people that have planted some impressive gardens. Some of you have finished a book for the first time in years. Maybe your day was just spent cleaning your kitchen and that makes you feel great. It isn't the merits of the action that count. It could be as simple as putting one foot in front of the other like me.
Sunday, April 12, 2020
Respecting Things We Don't Like
This week, I have been reading a book of short stories called Exhalation by Ted Chiang. It originally caught my eye when I saw it on Obama's 2019 reading list since he rarely chooses works of fiction. When I saw it again on The New York Times 10 Best Books of 2019, I had to buy it. The truth is I didn't really enjoy it. This wasn't a surprise. I dislike short stories generally. I am not typically a science-fiction reader. Here's the kicker though....I still whole-heatedly believe it is one of, if not the best book of 2019.
I've probably lost a lot of you at this point in the blog. You thought this is just a book review and you don't care. You've clicked away. But if I still have your attention, here is what I want to say. Things we like and things we respect do not have to be the same. As with this book, I can dislike something and still feel deep respect for it. I feel that we have fallen into a society of "us" versus "them." Anything that is different from us is automatically pushed away, disregarded, or actively attacked.
I fall into this cycle ALL THE TIME. For example, many members of my family like to watch UFC fighting. I very much dislike this sport. When they start talking about it, I have been known to: show a face of disgust, leave the conversation immediately, say "I am not a UFC person", or make a comment to bash the sport entirely. What do any of those actions accomplish?? They just make those people talking about the subject (one that excites them) feel upset, annoyed, guilty, or defensive.
People want to share things that bring them joy. People want to share what they are passionate about. I don't have to change my opinion, but I think listening to what people are sharing without using the types of actions I listed above is so, so, so important. I may not care at all about my friend's fitness routine, but if it matters to them, why not encourage them and show I respect the effort they are putting in? I have hated every fishing experience I have ever had and will almost definitely never go hunting, but if someone wants to tell me about a hunting or fishing trip, listening costs me nothing, brings the sharer joy, and might teach me something I didn't know before.
I read a book this week in a genre and a format I don't like. I have no regrets and have great respect for the art and intelligence put into that book. I also respect activists that stand up for what they believe even if I completely don't support their viewpoint. I respect artists who pour their souls into their craft even if I don't like or understand the things they create. We are all different and we enjoy different things. That's okay.
I've probably lost a lot of you at this point in the blog. You thought this is just a book review and you don't care. You've clicked away. But if I still have your attention, here is what I want to say. Things we like and things we respect do not have to be the same. As with this book, I can dislike something and still feel deep respect for it. I feel that we have fallen into a society of "us" versus "them." Anything that is different from us is automatically pushed away, disregarded, or actively attacked.
I fall into this cycle ALL THE TIME. For example, many members of my family like to watch UFC fighting. I very much dislike this sport. When they start talking about it, I have been known to: show a face of disgust, leave the conversation immediately, say "I am not a UFC person", or make a comment to bash the sport entirely. What do any of those actions accomplish?? They just make those people talking about the subject (one that excites them) feel upset, annoyed, guilty, or defensive.
People want to share things that bring them joy. People want to share what they are passionate about. I don't have to change my opinion, but I think listening to what people are sharing without using the types of actions I listed above is so, so, so important. I may not care at all about my friend's fitness routine, but if it matters to them, why not encourage them and show I respect the effort they are putting in? I have hated every fishing experience I have ever had and will almost definitely never go hunting, but if someone wants to tell me about a hunting or fishing trip, listening costs me nothing, brings the sharer joy, and might teach me something I didn't know before.
I read a book this week in a genre and a format I don't like. I have no regrets and have great respect for the art and intelligence put into that book. I also respect activists that stand up for what they believe even if I completely don't support their viewpoint. I respect artists who pour their souls into their craft even if I don't like or understand the things they create. We are all different and we enjoy different things. That's okay.
Friday, March 13, 2020
8 Unexpectedly Good Things About the Coronavirus Situation
Hey everyone! It's been a long time since I posted. I honestly have nothing to blame that on, but my own lack of motivation, but I'm gonna blame it on that whole coronavirus fiasco. Anything you aren't doing can be blamed on this crisis, right? While I am not trying to make light of a serious situation for some, I do like to flip things on their head. So, in these dire times, what can possibly be the "positive side"? Here are a few things!
1. If you're one of those people stuck at home, you can get to things you've been putting off. I deep cleaned my shower tonight, which I've been telling myself to do for weeks. Take that, germs!
2. Pets don't have to be alone so much. Their owners are staying home. Yay for kitty cuddles and puppy play time!
3. You learn more about the people around you by how they deal with stressful situations. I have gained a huge amount of respect for many of my friends who have proved to be reasonable, intelligent, and calm when social media hysteria can easily lead to spread of false news and unreasonable panic. I am reassured that I gravitate toward really amazing people that I can count on any time.
4. You might be able to branch out into new TV viewing selections. Around this time of year, my television is predominantly set to basketball games. While I miss that form of entertainment very much, I am now discovering new channels and shows.
5. Weird buying habits might not be so weird after all. My obsession with Bath & Body Works is finally coming in handy! I, for some reason, have like 8 hand soaps and only two sinks. I always have a coupon or I fall in love with a new scent. Now, they can be used. I also always buy toilet paper in bulk from Amazon, so that's a nice cushion.
6. You might be able to do your work without so many distractions. I'm personally planning on having 10 weeks worth of lesson plans done by Tuesday (even though the kids might not be in school for that many more weeks). I know a lot of people that say talkative coworkers can make it difficult to get things done. Even if your workplace has not moved to working from home, you can always use the fear of contact as an excuse to keep away from those distracting presences and actually work in peace.
7. Some people are able to take trips they would never usually be able to take. I know, I know, they probably shouldn't be traveling. But it's starting to feel very apocalyptic out there. A lot of people my age are dealing with huge student loan payments and working more than one job to get by and rising cost of living. It's so difficult to experience the things we want to experience. With prices way down and time off for many people, as long as they are safe and not in contact with the susceptible population, take some time and see something you've always wanted to see. Do something you never get to do. Bonus: Currently our student loans are not accruing interest.
8. In many ways, it is a learning experience for the nation. We learn what things are important for our survival. We learn better hygienic practices. In education, we are exploring the possibilities within online learning. I am sure the medical world is learning so much.
Times may be scary, but keep your heads up out there. There's a lot of good in the world. It may be hard to see over the fear and upheaval, but it's there. Take it one day at a time. Come together with those you love and trust to help you remember what's important (just maybe not too close.)
1. If you're one of those people stuck at home, you can get to things you've been putting off. I deep cleaned my shower tonight, which I've been telling myself to do for weeks. Take that, germs!
2. Pets don't have to be alone so much. Their owners are staying home. Yay for kitty cuddles and puppy play time!
3. You learn more about the people around you by how they deal with stressful situations. I have gained a huge amount of respect for many of my friends who have proved to be reasonable, intelligent, and calm when social media hysteria can easily lead to spread of false news and unreasonable panic. I am reassured that I gravitate toward really amazing people that I can count on any time.
4. You might be able to branch out into new TV viewing selections. Around this time of year, my television is predominantly set to basketball games. While I miss that form of entertainment very much, I am now discovering new channels and shows.
5. Weird buying habits might not be so weird after all. My obsession with Bath & Body Works is finally coming in handy! I, for some reason, have like 8 hand soaps and only two sinks. I always have a coupon or I fall in love with a new scent. Now, they can be used. I also always buy toilet paper in bulk from Amazon, so that's a nice cushion.
6. You might be able to do your work without so many distractions. I'm personally planning on having 10 weeks worth of lesson plans done by Tuesday (even though the kids might not be in school for that many more weeks). I know a lot of people that say talkative coworkers can make it difficult to get things done. Even if your workplace has not moved to working from home, you can always use the fear of contact as an excuse to keep away from those distracting presences and actually work in peace.
7. Some people are able to take trips they would never usually be able to take. I know, I know, they probably shouldn't be traveling. But it's starting to feel very apocalyptic out there. A lot of people my age are dealing with huge student loan payments and working more than one job to get by and rising cost of living. It's so difficult to experience the things we want to experience. With prices way down and time off for many people, as long as they are safe and not in contact with the susceptible population, take some time and see something you've always wanted to see. Do something you never get to do. Bonus: Currently our student loans are not accruing interest.
8. In many ways, it is a learning experience for the nation. We learn what things are important for our survival. We learn better hygienic practices. In education, we are exploring the possibilities within online learning. I am sure the medical world is learning so much.
Times may be scary, but keep your heads up out there. There's a lot of good in the world. It may be hard to see over the fear and upheaval, but it's there. Take it one day at a time. Come together with those you love and trust to help you remember what's important (just maybe not too close.)
Saturday, February 8, 2020
Oscar Picks 2019
As is tradition for me now, I went and saw all the Oscar-nominated movies. This year, I've decided not to venture guesses about who might win. The Academy has favorites and I'm not here to guess who those people might be. I'm just here to record what my favorite movies and performances for the year of 2019. (I have not seen any of the shorts yet, so those categories are not included.) I won't be right, but I want to cheer for those that I loved. Here they are.
Best Picture: Ford v Ferrari --Of all the best picture nominees, this is the only one I honestly would see again. I haven't met anyone yet that didn't like this movie. Out of all the movies I saw in the theater, I felt like this one had the best feeling in the theater after the movie was over. And isn't it good to see a movie and feel good when leaving?
Best Lead Actress: Saoirse Ronan (Little Women) This is the third year in a row that she's impressed me with a performance and each of her characters is distinct and different. She deserves a win.
Best Lead Actor: Joaquin Phoenix (Joker) I don't think any other performance comes close. He commanded every single scene.
Best Supporting Actress: Margot Robbie (Bombshell) Margot has been dominated the movie world for the past few years. This movie made me ugly cry because of her performance.
Best Supporting Actor: Brad Pitt (Once Upon a Time in Hollywood) When you can steal the show from Leonardo DiCaprio, you deserve an award.
Best Director: Todd Phillips (Joker) His creativity impressed the hell out of me.
Best Animated Movie: Toy Story 4 Unpopular Opinion-This is my favorite one since the first one.
Best Foreign Movie: Parasite It wasn't my favorite movie, but it got so much buzz, it should win this category for sure.
Best Documentary: The Cave I think this man is doing a great service to the world by documenting the horrors going on in Syria. I have learned so much from this documentaries and this one has a lot of heart.
Original Screenplay: Marriage Story Honest and moving.
Adapted Screenplay: The Two Popes Writing is always a category that means a lot to me and both the scripts I picked are from Netflix movies. I think that shows that Netflix is giving some wonderful opportunities to wonderful story tellers.
Best Original Score: 1917 Very recognizable music.
Best Original Song "I'm Standing With You" from Breakthrough I'm not a big fan of religious movies generally, but I can honestly say I enjoyed this movie and I enjoy this song.
Sound Mixing: 1917
Sound Editing: 1917 Have I mentioned how much the sound in that movie impressed me? Haha.
Cinematography: The Irishman This one was really was tough. I think 1917 is the obvious choice, but I read up on the cinematographer for this movie (Rodrigo Prieto) and the majority of the de-aging for these actors was done solely through camerawork (not makeup). This guy used like 3 different types of cameras for every single scene and filmed hundreds of hours. And, for the most part, he did it alone. It's an impressive feat. Rodrigo has been Scorsese's go-to guy for a long time and has paid his dues.
Visual Effects: Avengers:Endgame The amount of effects for this movie is insane and nothing else compares.
Costume Design: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood It was very distinctive and a major asset to this movie.
Production Design: 1917 Even when watching, I kept making comments about how elaborate the set was.
Film Editing: Ford v Ferrari This movie has so many shots that had to be combined and you don't even notice how elaborate it really is. That's a sign of success.
Makeup and Hair: Maleficent: Mistress of Evil There is good makeup work in a lot of movies, but nothing is to the scale of this movie and all those beautiful fairies.
Best Picture: Ford v Ferrari --Of all the best picture nominees, this is the only one I honestly would see again. I haven't met anyone yet that didn't like this movie. Out of all the movies I saw in the theater, I felt like this one had the best feeling in the theater after the movie was over. And isn't it good to see a movie and feel good when leaving?
Best Lead Actress: Saoirse Ronan (Little Women) This is the third year in a row that she's impressed me with a performance and each of her characters is distinct and different. She deserves a win.
Best Lead Actor: Joaquin Phoenix (Joker) I don't think any other performance comes close. He commanded every single scene.
Best Supporting Actress: Margot Robbie (Bombshell) Margot has been dominated the movie world for the past few years. This movie made me ugly cry because of her performance.
Best Supporting Actor: Brad Pitt (Once Upon a Time in Hollywood) When you can steal the show from Leonardo DiCaprio, you deserve an award.
Best Director: Todd Phillips (Joker) His creativity impressed the hell out of me.
Best Animated Movie: Toy Story 4 Unpopular Opinion-This is my favorite one since the first one.
Best Foreign Movie: Parasite It wasn't my favorite movie, but it got so much buzz, it should win this category for sure.
Best Documentary: The Cave I think this man is doing a great service to the world by documenting the horrors going on in Syria. I have learned so much from this documentaries and this one has a lot of heart.
Original Screenplay: Marriage Story Honest and moving.
Adapted Screenplay: The Two Popes Writing is always a category that means a lot to me and both the scripts I picked are from Netflix movies. I think that shows that Netflix is giving some wonderful opportunities to wonderful story tellers.
Best Original Score: 1917 Very recognizable music.
Best Original Song "I'm Standing With You" from Breakthrough I'm not a big fan of religious movies generally, but I can honestly say I enjoyed this movie and I enjoy this song.
Sound Mixing: 1917
Sound Editing: 1917 Have I mentioned how much the sound in that movie impressed me? Haha.
Cinematography: The Irishman This one was really was tough. I think 1917 is the obvious choice, but I read up on the cinematographer for this movie (Rodrigo Prieto) and the majority of the de-aging for these actors was done solely through camerawork (not makeup). This guy used like 3 different types of cameras for every single scene and filmed hundreds of hours. And, for the most part, he did it alone. It's an impressive feat. Rodrigo has been Scorsese's go-to guy for a long time and has paid his dues.
Visual Effects: Avengers:Endgame The amount of effects for this movie is insane and nothing else compares.
Costume Design: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood It was very distinctive and a major asset to this movie.
Production Design: 1917 Even when watching, I kept making comments about how elaborate the set was.
Film Editing: Ford v Ferrari This movie has so many shots that had to be combined and you don't even notice how elaborate it really is. That's a sign of success.
Makeup and Hair: Maleficent: Mistress of Evil There is good makeup work in a lot of movies, but nothing is to the scale of this movie and all those beautiful fairies.
Saturday, January 4, 2020
Look Through My Eyes
On the last weekend of 2019, I decided to take an impromptu road trip. While the purpose was technically to deliver some items to a friend in Dallas, my hope for the trip was to focus on myself. I tend to be a person who is continually gauging the emotions of everyone around me. "Is she upset?" "Does he want to be here?" "Did I say the wrong thing?" "What can I do/say to make this more enjoyable for ____?" While this kind of monitoring has served me well in many situations, it often makes for miserable trips because I spend so much time worrying about those around me that I forget to enjoy myself.
In so many ways, my trip was a success. I stopped when I wanted to stop without hesitation. I really slowed down and took things in. I enjoyed my own company.
I wasn't all by myself though.
Once, a song came on the radio and I started tapping along to the beat on my steering wheel. Suddenly, I was overcome by a memory of my friend Bryant, who recently passed away, singing along to a song and drumming enthusiastically on his steering wheel as I was laughing easily in the passenger seat. It was such a beautiful, happy memory, but it caught me off guard. I started to cry and couldn't stop. I pulled over at a scenic rest stop in southern Arizona and gazed at the mountains through my tears. I felt like Bryant sat there with me, arm around my shoulder.
On a whim, before I left my house, I had grabbed my necklace that holds my Grandpa Dick's ashes. Every time I adjusted the chain or looked down and caught a glimpse of the necklace, I would delve into thoughts about his numerous solo road trips between Arizona and Nebraska. I wondered what things he thought about or what sights took his breath away. I could almost imagine his sitting there next to me as he gave me a thoughtful lesson on history or astronomy. I also imagined sharing my road trip snacks with Grandpa Jack. As I walked barefoot through the Texas sandhills, I imagined Moriah walking next to me just like our beach walks at Harlan.
Recently, I read a book called Lost Stars, that takes place in the Star Wars universe. In the book, the main character loses her twin in infancy. In accordance with her culture's traditions, she tries to live for both of them, so whenever she encounters great moments of beauty, she takes a snapshot and says the words, "Look through my eyes" as if to let that person she lost see what she sees for moment. While I took many actual photos during my trip, they can't capture everything I saw. So I started taking mental snapshots. I would stare at the sunset or city lights. I would study an incredible museum display or a magnolia tree. Then, I would take a deep breath and blink once slowly and say, "Look through my eyes." For me, all those people I lost were experiencing it with me. No matter what, I will never be alone.
In so many ways, my trip was a success. I stopped when I wanted to stop without hesitation. I really slowed down and took things in. I enjoyed my own company.
I wasn't all by myself though.
Once, a song came on the radio and I started tapping along to the beat on my steering wheel. Suddenly, I was overcome by a memory of my friend Bryant, who recently passed away, singing along to a song and drumming enthusiastically on his steering wheel as I was laughing easily in the passenger seat. It was such a beautiful, happy memory, but it caught me off guard. I started to cry and couldn't stop. I pulled over at a scenic rest stop in southern Arizona and gazed at the mountains through my tears. I felt like Bryant sat there with me, arm around my shoulder.
On a whim, before I left my house, I had grabbed my necklace that holds my Grandpa Dick's ashes. Every time I adjusted the chain or looked down and caught a glimpse of the necklace, I would delve into thoughts about his numerous solo road trips between Arizona and Nebraska. I wondered what things he thought about or what sights took his breath away. I could almost imagine his sitting there next to me as he gave me a thoughtful lesson on history or astronomy. I also imagined sharing my road trip snacks with Grandpa Jack. As I walked barefoot through the Texas sandhills, I imagined Moriah walking next to me just like our beach walks at Harlan.
Recently, I read a book called Lost Stars, that takes place in the Star Wars universe. In the book, the main character loses her twin in infancy. In accordance with her culture's traditions, she tries to live for both of them, so whenever she encounters great moments of beauty, she takes a snapshot and says the words, "Look through my eyes" as if to let that person she lost see what she sees for moment. While I took many actual photos during my trip, they can't capture everything I saw. So I started taking mental snapshots. I would stare at the sunset or city lights. I would study an incredible museum display or a magnolia tree. Then, I would take a deep breath and blink once slowly and say, "Look through my eyes." For me, all those people I lost were experiencing it with me. No matter what, I will never be alone.
Monday, December 2, 2019
Stop Discounting the Before Picture
Just this month, I have probably seen over 50 "before and after" photos on my social media. Friends share their weight loss or bodybuilding successes. Advertisements highlight the effects of a certain pill or diet. Paparazzi catch celebrities with their post-baby bodies. I absolutely hate this landscape of before vs. after. Obviously, I absolutely want to celebrate people in their growth to become healthier or more confident. The problem I have is the disgust we as a society seem to have for the "before."
Think about every before picture you have ever seen. The person always looks sad. Often, they are slouching, looking unconfident. Many times, they even change the lighting or filters to make it looks more depressing. I think people get caught in this "before" stage. They think, "Things are bad now, but someday, when I'm thinner/richer/fitter/married/more successful, I will be happy."
I could do a lot of things differently in my classroom, but that does not mean I'm not a good teacher right now. I'd really like to lose 25 pounds, but that does not mean I'm repulsive at my current weight. I could be in much better shape, but that doesn't mean I'm not strong as I am. I don't want to think of myself as the before picture. I want every image I have of myself to one with a positive filter.
A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post about hope. I truly believe hope is an incredible force that helps us move forward and grow as human beings. We can always do better. We can always believe there will be better. Hope, however, can cross the line into unattainable expectations. I have great hope for the future for those I love and the world and myself. The world right now, though, is beautiful. The me I am right now is important.
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