The Art of Staying Calm

A few years ago, a distressed student threw a laptop at me. I moved out of the way, walked over and picked it up, and checked to see if it was working without much reaction at all. After 5 years of teaching middle school, I have found that my gut reaction to absolutely any event is a poker face. It doesn't matter if there's a physical fight, a messy break-up, a temper tantrum, an incident involving blood or vomit, or a school wide lockdown. I immediately stop and think "it's not that big of a deal."

I started attempting the technique to avoid showing weakness in a classroom where I obviously didn't have control. I continued practicing it even after I had good classroom management because I felt that I was able to bring a sense of calm to the classroom, a very important thing for the turbulent lives of adolescents. This doesn't mean I didn't break down when I separated myself from the incident. During my first year of teaching, I cried in the car on the way home from work at least once a week.  I still remember asking another teacher to watch my classroom for a few minutes while I broke down in a bathroom. But the more I have practiced the "Stop. Don't react." approach over and over and over, the more it has served to minimize stress in so many aspects of my life.

I bring this up because I think friends and family think I'm either 1. Not taking important issues seriously or 2. not very sympathetic. I hope you all know that I care very much. My "nonchalant" attitude toward the coronavirus pandemic isn't because I don't care about people. It's because, like a crisis in my classroom, my best way to cope was to tell myself repeatedly that it isn't a big deal and exude calm at all times. And when my best friend or family member is crying and telling me about their current crisis, whether it's in a fight in a relationship, a career frustration, or they just ruined their favorite jeans, it makes me very upset. If I am not showing that in my expressions or voice, it is only because I have gone into crisis mode. I am telling myself it's a solvable problem and am thinking about the next step to fix/alleviate that problem.

This is not a blog to give advice. I just want everyone reading this to know that I care. I may not know the right thing to say. I probably don't have a solution. I might not show my sympathy very well. If you need me though, please reach out. I can be calm. I can listen.