Sharing Memories of Moriah

Today, for whatever reason, I was browsing through old Facebook messages. I came across a message from my friend Moriah. It was before a trip to Arizona for Thanksgiving. It said, "While you're there, hang out by some golf courses and find a hot golfer. Marry him, stay in the sun, and invite me to hang out by your pool." It made me laugh until I cried. I didn't meet a hot golfer, Moriah, but, 8 years later, I am moving there and I wish so much that I could invite you to lay out by my pool.

Moriah died 7 years ago this month. That's so hard to believe. She had so much life in her short 20 years and I still miss that light all the time. I think the hardest part about losing a best friend is that my relationship with Moriah was so isolated. With the losses of my grandfathers, I have always had other people around me that shared the same memories with them. We are able to tell stories together and bring them up all the time. With Moriah, that was never the case. The majority of the experiences I had with Moriah were just her and me. The two of us shopping together. The two of us studying together. The two of us having dinner. We were a duo and half of that duo was ripped away. I was never able to say "Remember when...?" because I'm left alone to carry all of those wonderful memories.

I think it's important to remember. Although the memories weren't shared at the time, I can share them now. I will always remember Moriah calling me. She didn't like texting. She felt more connected when she could talk aloud. She called me the day before she died and started the conversation with "Hey girl! I just wanted to hear your voice." I will always remember our "study sessions" that involved absolutely no studying, but a whole lot of gummy worms and gossip (usually about boys.) I will always remember how she insisted on eating at Selleck dining hall even though it was far for both us to walk because the had the BEST cheese pizza. I will remember whenever she was happy, she would ask me to go to the mall where she picked up and modeled every purse in Dillard's that neither of us could actually afford and we laughed and laughed. I will remember when she was sad and we'd leave all the lights off in her dorm room and just lay on the rug and talk and cry. I will remember that her favorite scary movie was Cry Wolf and we watched it at least 10 times. And how much she loved cats and holidays and swimming and, most of all, her family. Although I know it sounds silly, every time I hear Cardi B on the radio, I think of Moriah because she would haved LOVED Cardi B. With Moriah, I was always comfortable talking because we both talked a lot (even at the same time sometimes) and that was okay. I could always be myself.

I was lucky to have a friend like Moriah. Thanks for letting me share a little bit of her today.

Writing for an Audience

"What do you want me to write?" a boy asked me this morning. Anxiety played across his face. He wanted desperately to be "right." And I wouldn't give him the "right" answer. How terrible am I?

Want to know what he was writing? A journal.

I told this student, "Don't write the journal for me. Write it for yourself."

I say that a lot. Today, though, it dawned on me how silly that is. I write all the time...and I rarely write "for myself." That is not to say that I don't enjoy the act of writing or that I see everything I write as an assignment. I just find writing meaningful if I have an audience in mind.

When I began this blog, I was writing to Moriah. She always wanted me to write a blog, so each post kept her in mind and what she would enjoy or want to know about me. As time went on, I started writing to my students and I wanted them to know but couldn't tell them or to my family or to specific friends. I didn't write directly to them, but I would imagine these people reading my work and it changed how I wrote. Authors have a demographic in mind when they write books. It's a natural thing. Writing is meant for reading so the two acts intertwine.

So, after a few minutes at my desk, as I watched my student continue to struggle, I walked back over to him. I said, "This is about falling and standing back up, right? Why don't you write it as if you are telling your mom. Tell her something that would make her really proud. Or your younger brother, what advice would you give him?" He was quiet for several minutes, thinking, but was able to finish the whole journal... and it is a REALLY good story. I'm glad he found someone worth writing for.

27 Things I've Accomplished in 27 Years

Yesterday, I turned 27. It's very easy for me to dwell on things I haven't done in those years. It's easy to look to the future and think about what I want to do. I think there is great value, though, in taking a moment to appreciate what I have accomplished in my 27 years. When I am asked what my biggest accomplishment is, I really struggle. I don't believe my minor life stories are good enough. I may not have been the best at anything. I may not have done something heroic. But I have done something.

1. I have completed a Bachelor's and Master's degree, complete with an honors thesis and Master's thesis.

2. I have traveled to two different countries on my own.

3. I have helped over 100 students improve their reading comprehension scores enough so they didn't have to take reading support classes in high school.

4. I designed and led production of a high school yearbook and college yearbook.

5. I have shown up for people when they needed a ride or a loan or just an open ear.

6. I have worked very hard to make myself healthier by being conscious of my activity level every day for the past 3-4 years.

7. I have donated over 3 gallons or blood and became a bone marrow donor candidate.

8. I started a blog and stuck with it for over 6 years now.

9. I made it to state speech competition in high school and and once got an Outstanding Actor award.

10. I took the initiative to learn about areas of need for my students and developed many lesson plans on my own to meet those needs.

11. I became the head of the reading department in my 3rd year of teaching.

12. I've conquered my fear of heights.

13. I've worked 8 different jobs including being a custodian, lifeguard, waitress, tour guide, speech judge, teacher, cashier, and most recently a delivery driver.

14. I worked to create spreadsheet and system to automatically track progress and place over 800 students at my school into classes.

15. I hiked over 25 miles of trails last summer and saw some amazing places.

16. I have learned what looks good on my in terms of clothing and makeup.

17. I have given speeches at one wedding and two funerals for people I loved.

18. Along with many failed recipes, I have learned to make a lot of really yummy things too.

19. I have volunteered at several events to make my community a better place.

20. I changed a tire by myself.

21. I came to basketball games to support students when their families couldn't.

22. I have tried zip-lining and indoor skydiving.

23. I have made some absolutely amazing friends.

24. I have walked away from people that didn't treat me the way I deserved to be treated.

25. I have become a much more organized person.

26. I have read over 600 books in my life.

27. I have, and continue to work to, become a better person each and every day.