In one of my favorite quotes, Buddha compares happiness to a candle. If that is the case, my candle has been somewhat dim. I'm burning out. My lessons at work are dragging. My energy level at the end of the day is nonexistent. My tolerance for any minor inconvenience is so low. Honestly, I haven't liked the teacher/friend/coworker/sister/daughter I have been over the past month and to all the people in my life reading this, know that I am working on it.
I thought this year would be easier for me to keep my light shining. I have no more grad school work and less work at school. What I have come to realize (very recently) is that writing research papers and learning new curriculum, while mentally tiring, were actually activities that lit my fire. Personal growth is something that I like to and want to continue doing. When I created a new lesson plan or made a new connection in the text, I felt accomplished and my candle sparked a little brighter. Fire-lighting accomplishments don't have to be work or school related. I can create a tasty new recipe or clean something in my house.
The one thing that doesn't work to keep that candle lit? Trying to take care of everyone else all the time. Let's loop back around to the quote I mentioned at the beginning...
I always thought this quote meant we should always be working to make others happy; that we should strive above all else to light thousands of other candles. After rereading it a few times, though, Buddha never suggests we create fire in others. He suggests we share our happiness. If you've ever lit a candle (I did my fair share of this at church as a child), you know how frustrating and difficult it is to light a candle when your original source isn't a good flame.
So, friends, I'm going to keep working on bolstering up my own flame. I am going to set goals and accomplish things for myself. And as I shine bright, I hope the fire will spread. Thank you for being there even when it's dark.
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