Turn the Camera Around...Or Just Turn It Off

Over spring break, I took on the task of cleaning out my parents' very cluttered computer. I trashed hundreds of documents, but I didn't touch a single photograph. Photos are amazing. So are videos. They capture moments of our life and people who mean the most to us.

Luckily, we live in a time when we all have cameras at our fingertips to collect these moments. But we also live in a time where we can find photos of almost anything on the Internet. So photos can lose their value unless they are personal.

For example, I went to an NBA game a few weeks ago. Since most of my students are big LeBron James fans, I made a point of taking many, many photos and videos of him playing. Do you know what there favorite photo was? The one of me in front of the court. They can see LeBron play every single day from their phones or computers. They don't know anyone personally who has watched him play. So they wanted to see me there. They wanted to hear my stories. They wanted to know exactly where I sat and how many people were there and how it felt and what surprised me.

Last week, I went to a concert. It was entertaining and exhilarating and an all-around good experience. But, at any given moment, my view of Andy Grammer was blocked by at least 5 cell phones recording the concert. Are those people really going to go back and watch a grainy reproduction of that concert? If they want to see him perform, go to Youtube. Do they prefer to watch him in that small screen when they could see it live in front of them? I doubt it. They just wanted to capture a moment that seemed meaningful. I'm not saying I didn't have my phone out. But most of the time, I turned the camera around. I filmed my friends and their smiles. I filmed us dancing and singing. I believe those are the photographs that I'll come back years from now and will make me smile. Those are the ones I will clog my phone or computer up with because they are worth it.

Like I said, photos are magical things. I wish all the time that I had more than one photo with Moriah. Or more with my grandfathers. So take pictures of people that matter. You'll want those. But the mountains or celebrities or buildings or sports teams? You can skip it. Use your eyes instead.

To Be Needed

I think we don't acknowledge nearly enough the importance humans place in being needed by others. We try to "take care" of our significant others or family members or friends because when we feel they need us for something, it fills a piece of ourselves. While my mother calls me a "pleaser", I think my pleasing of others is a much more selfish act that it might sound. I work extra shifts at my second and third jobs not because I want to help people out, but because it feels good to be needed in those roles. Many people have pets (or even children) because having something or someone dependent on you gives you purpose.

Recently, I've had really bad anxious energy. I feel the need to be doing something all the time...but can't settle on just one thing. I write two sentences for my graduate thesis and get up and grab an unsatisfying snack and then decide to go to the gym but never really finish a full workout. I call people up with nothing to say and read without remembering. I have been planning lessons for school that have no coherent flow at all. I'm jumping from task to task and never feeling satisfied. My Fitbit has tracked a total of 2 hours of "deep sleep" for the entire week. 

It wasn't until I was lying here, on another sure-to-be sleepless night, that I realized these feelings might be connected to this feeling of need. As an oldest child, I always wanted to take care of my siblings, but they are now fully capable adults that don't need me. As I gain my tenure at the end of this school year, I no longer have to work quite as hard to show administrators how much they need me. As I trudge through a final quarter of teaching, I feel like I could be just as easily replaced with any teacher and the kids don't need me. I'm meeting all my professional and personal goals in life and so are all my friends and family around me (which is seriously awesome!) and it should be an amazing, incredible time in my life (I'm graduating with a Master's and going to Italy this year!), but I think I often believe I could leave the country and not be missed at all. No one would need me to come back. And that scares me.

I know I'm not alone in this feeling. I believe it is part of the human condition to feel this way. So, if you need people, don't be afraid to tell them. Even if it's for little things. "I really need you to look over this paper for me. You have a good eye." "I really need to talk to you. You are a great listener." Or make it big. "I need you in my life. You are important to me." You may think they already know, but you might be surprised. 

Where Were You Yesterday?

I think it always feels good to be missed. Whenever I miss work or a class and someone asks me about it, I feel important. I feel noticed. So, I absolutely always make an effort to acknowledge a student who has missed my class, even for a day. These quick, private conversations at the beginning of class always start with, "We missed you yesterday." Sometimes they smile and go on their way. Sometimes, they explain. You might expect an explanation to be a doctor's appointment or an illness. My background tells me that these are reasons to miss school. But I've learned there is a whole lot more than that. These are some reasons my students missed school just this year...

"I had to take care of my little brother. My mom couldn't pay for daycare until she got paid again." 

"Sorry I was gone so long Miss Siel. I was really sick and the flu medicine cost too much for us. I'll try to catch up"

"I spent all day at the hospital. My little cousin was born too small and is sick. No one at the hospital speaks Karen, so I had to translate for the doctors."

"We moved again" (4 times this school year)

"My dad just got out on bail and my mom didn't want him to find us. So we had to go away for a while." 

"The gas guy came to the house and my mom couldn't take off work to let him in. Now we have heat." 

These kids are 12-14 years old. Breaks your heart doesn't it? In the words of my wise 13-year old student, "Everyone has their stuff going on so you've got to be understanding."