Opening Up Your Heart

If you know me well, you know that Survivor has been (for 16 years now!) my favorite show on television. I love the challenges of endurance and teamwork and puzzles. I love the blindsides and the social play. I love the fire-building and shelter-making. I love the hunts for immunity idols. But most of all I love the authenticity. 

Survivor is, without a doubt, the most authentic reality show out there. These people aren't putting on an act. They aren't performing for an audience. They are stripped of their possessions and their families and friends. They are utterly themselves. This means they break down and cry. They scream at each other and have temper tantrums in which they throw rice. They form meaningful bonds with each other and ultimately grow as people. I can vaguely remember 3-4 contestants on The Voice, but I feel as if I personally know dozens of Survivor contestants.

I guess, my point is, I wish life were more like a Survivor island. I wish we could stop hiding and putting on performances and just be human for a second. I get so exhausted from acting certain ways around certain people. I'm trying to always be the teacher I think my principal will respect when he walks in the room. One of my students told me the other day that she had never seen me laugh and that made me feel miserable. I set up dating profiles as if they were a stage for a play rather than just an outpouring of who I am because I know that honesty scares people away.

I just want to hug someone without feeling awkward or share something personal without fearing judgment. I want to laugh out loud and not just politely smile and nod the rest of my life. I lock up my heart and do what is expected and tell everyone the same limited phrases like "I love my job" and "my new place is in a great location" and "grad classes are going well" because that's all anyone really wants to hear. I'm reading the book Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close right now and the emotions of the characters in that book are so raw and beautiful. They share their anxieties and firm beliefs and big questions and fears. The world doesn't always treat them kindly because of it. I hope to be that kind of person anyway. My heart is bursting at the seams. I just need to find my island and let it free.

Why I'm a Wannabe Nerd

Words like "nerd" or "geek" are stereotypically thought of as derogatory terms, but I find that most people that fall into these social categories use them with pride. I would too, if I could claim either. Being a geek means you are passionate about something and have found a niche. Being a nerd shows intelligence and great precision. I honestly find these types of people to be amazing and love to talk to all kinds of social categories, whether they are band geeks, science nerds, Star Wars geeks, chess nerds, technology geeks, literary nerds, or a combination of many types. These are the type of people that are innovating and building and creating to make our world a better place. Their knowledge and passion is inspiring and exciting. 

Unfortunately, I never found a spot on either side of this geek/nerd classification. I like learning about new technology, but when someone starts talking to me about different types of monitors or amounts of gigabytes, I am unable to converse or offer any insight at all. I have watched all the Star Wars, Star Trek, Marvel, Harry Potter, and LOTR movies and enjoyed them, but can't list all the characters or remember all the scenes in any of those movies. I enjoy video games, but I don't own several systems or go out and buy the latest games. I don't even know what the latests games are. Even in what people consider my area of expertise, literature, I am no nerd. I actually blew a job interview once because I couldn't tell the interviewers anything about James Joyce or Leo Tolstoy. I know the names and that's about it. So, I'm not even a qualified English nerd. 

But I really want to be. That's crazy huh? Everyone wants to be the "cool kids" and I just want to be geek or nerd. I wish I was so excited about a new season that I talked about it for weeks. I wish I was doing my own research or experiment or project, not for work or school, but for the enjoyment of it. I really just want to hold a conversation about some specific topic (whether its bikes or iPhones or plays or beer) without ever being lost or out of place. I guess I'll just have to settle for reading and watching and playing listening to a variety of things and loving them all without geeking out about anything in particular. 

My Top 10 Christmas Movies

One of the best parts about this time of year is the plethora of Christmas movies on TV. There are so many of them, so I know everyone has their own favorites, but these are definitely my top 10.

10. The Polar Express. I just watched this one today. The animation bothers me a little, but the magic of the bells sticks with me from the first time I watched it in theaters as a kid.

9. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. This one isn't on television as much as it used to be and it makes me sad. I always like the little elf that wanted to be a dentist.

8. The Holiday. This is more of romance, but this is probably one of my favorite Jack Black performances of all time. (I like this much better than Love Actually honestly).

7. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. Although not as good as the first, I can watch this one every Christmas season without growing tired of it.

6. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000). I know it's more popular to like the animated version, but I always laugh when watching Jim Carey's crazy antics.

5. Elf. "Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?" Will Ferrel's character is wonderfully innocent. This was also my first time ever seeing Zooey Deschanel in a movie.

4. Santa Clause is Coming to Town. This is by far my favorite of the classic animated Christmas movies. The best thing about these classics is the music. But this one has a good story too.

3. The Santa Clause. Tim Allen is just awesome in this movie and it is such a creative concept. It is one of the best writing in a Christmas movie too.

2. A Christmas Story. I have to watch this at least once every Christmas season (luckily TBS plays it for two days straight so it's not hard). It has so many memorable and hilarious moments.

1. Home Alone. Not only is this roll on the floor funny, it also hits on the importance of family despite our differences. The moment at the end when he realizes his mom is home is just the best.