What It Means to be an Extrovert

Recently, I have seen a large amount of links on Facebook to articles about introverts. "Do You Know What It Means to Be an Introvert?" "23 Signs You're Secretly an Introvert" "10 Myths About Introverts." I even read a book (a good one) for class called Quiet: The Power of Introverts.  It's like we're some kind of rare breed that people want to read about in science magazines. The truth is the world is about 50/50 introverts and extroverts. Nothing rare about us.

I understand introverts just fine because I am one. And yes, sometimes I feel judged because want time alone and at a disadvantage because I am not as social, but I don't think I'm any more "misunderstood" than an extrovert. In fact, I have misunderstood extroverts for most of my life. Why does my dad have to have someone in the room with him all the time? (I'm judging him.) Why can't my students work in silence by themselves? (The "social" ones don't have the advantage here.)

I still don't always know how "the other side" works. But because I'm trying to balance out the playing field, I am going to make my own list. Here's to the extroverts. What does it mean to be you?


1. Extroverts recharge from the energy of others. I heard this metaphor once that we are all phones but we are divided kind of like androids vs. iPhones with different kinds of chargers. Introverts need to be alone to charge and extroverts need to be with others. This doesn't mean that extroverts are weak, or needy, or can't do things themselves. It just means they like having others around and that's not a bad thing.

2. Just because someone is quiet doesn't mean they are an introvert. I think lots of extroverts aren't all that chatty. But when they've had a bad day, they want to hang out with friends or go out somewhere, not sit alone at home. That would just drain them more.

3. Extroverts sometimes just want to talk on the phone. We have come to an age in which we do most of our communicating without our voice at all. To me, that's just fine because I can express myself in words, but this can be frustrating to some extroverts. I had a friend who used to call me all the time and I'd she'd talk and talk and talk. I used to wonder why she didn't just text me, but when I think back I realize she probably went to classes and hadn't talked to anyone all day and she needed that connection.

4. Extroverts don't use small talk just to make introverts uncomfortable. I have read several times in these articles I mentioned that small talk drives introverts crazy. I agree and feel very uncomfortable in these situations, but I really do believe that the guy on the bus that was asking me about what music I was listening to and what class I had that day was genuinely trying to be friendly, not awkward. Extroverts LIKE to get to know new people and they are better at it and I think that's a great quality (even when I'm embarrassed as my dad talks to a random stranger at DisneyWorld.)

5. "Extroverts are commonly found to be more easily bored than introverts on monotonous tasks, probably because they require and thrive on high levels of stimulation." That came straight from a research article people. So when my students are bored to death with an activity that I thought was interesting, it might just be a difference in personality types. 

6. Extroverts aren't always great public speakers. Talking "with" people and talking "in front" of people are two very different things and I know lots of incredibly outgoing people who freeze up in this kind of situation. Public speaking is a performance of sorts and not a social encounter and therefore very different.

7. Extroverts are definitely  not any less intelligent than introverts. The brooding intellectual stereotype that introverts have is not true either obviously but just because a person is more social and less into quiet study time does not mean they are stupid or don't care about their education. At all. This is a stupid stereotype.


And most importantly, it doesn't matter which side you're on. It's better to work together. In fact, according to Psychology Today, the majority of marriages are between one extrovert and one introvert. We each have different skills and personalities and we can strengthen each other.