Joyful, Grateful, and Kind

 In January, everyone wants to be something new. The month is like a big reset button. I think that's great. I'm the kind of person who actually likes Mondays because of that "new beginning" feeling. Over that past year, I've done a lot of reflecting on who I want to be. I think that comes with the territory of quitting a career you thought you'd spend a lifetime doing. I know what matters to other people. As a people-pleaser, I'm always attune to what others are talking about the most: money, appearance, job title, home's appearance, etc. The problem is I've spent my life trying to be what everyone else admired that it was difficult for me to specify what means the most to me. 

My parents have always put a lot of weight into being successful. Our grades were important and we were always encouraged to our best on every assignment. Honors programs and awards were praised, and now degrees and promotions are touted. 

In the community I grew up in, involvement was important. I remember how often I heard adults in my life publicly talk about kids that weren't on the football/basketball/volleyball team in disgust. Since sports weren't my forte, I tried desperately to hit the right involvement percentage by joining clubs and plays and student council and even videotaping sporting events so I didn't seem lazy. 

To my friends, loyalty has always been important. I want to always show up with open ears and arms. I want to be on their side no matter what. I have dropped everything else at their request. 

My bosses always respect a go-getter attitude. I constantly volunteer for extra tasks or responsibilities. I stayed after school doing all kinds of tasks to show initiative. "Whatever you need me to do" became a common mantra. I never wanted to be disagreeable. 

And I can't deny that I've tried to be what several guys wanted in my life. For the guy always speaking up in class, I wanted to be intelligent. How many nights I spent poring over the reading so I'd have something insightful to say! For another, I tried to be helpful, always offering my time and energy to drive him to the airport or help him move or bring him a treat after a bad day. 

I want to be clear. None of the previous examples are bad. I am so glad I worked hard in school and was involved in so many activities. I'm glad I have been a loyal friend and a good employee. But I think our ideas of who we want to be change throughout the stages of our lives. These qualities served me well in the past, but I have new priorities.

There are people I know that always have a beautiful house and are great hosts. Some that always look beautiful, with hair and makeup and clothing meticulously thought-out. Some that are in great shape. Some that are amazing leaders and are moving up in their careers. I have idolized all of those kinds of people. I could strive to be any one of them and with enough effort, I could probably be successful. But, right now in my life, I don't think any of those is the person I hope to be.

In 2023, I want to be 3 things: joyful, grateful, and kind. 

Joyful comes first for a reason. Life isn't worth living if you aren't prioritizing joy. I want to always be laughing (even if it's loud and obnoxious). I want to be the person who finds the joy in situations that lack hope. I want to continue seeking adventures and consuming stories and seeing the world and not taking life so seriously. I've seen too many people, 20+ years my senior, worrying about the number on a scale or the number of steps they've taken that day or the number in their investment account. We don't remember numbers of anyone when they leave us. We rarely dwell on their mistakes or inadequacies. We remember the memories of joy. So, I hope I have created a lot of them.  

Grateful is next. Over the past few years, gratitude has helped me a lot. I try to think about 3 things I am grateful for every day. It helps me to not fall into feelings of despair. It honestly helps me sleep...or get out of bed in the morning. I also think it's important for me to express my gratitude to others vocally. I think we can assume that those we love know we are grateful for them, but sometimes they need to hear it. We all want to be appreciated.

Kind will always make my list. The world can always use more of it. It is probably the thing that I am attracted to most in others as well. I will be kind to a waitress even if the service hasn't been superb. I don't know what her day has been like. I will be kind to coworkers because we work better if we are working together. I will be kind to strangers, but also to family, who have the power to frustrate me the most. To me, this is essential to who I am.

I hope your 2023 is everything you want it to be.