Stop Labeling The Things You Are Not

 I remember the first time I made a declaration about what I could not do. I was standing in right field at softball practice, dragging the toe of my shoe through the dirt. I hadn't hit a single ball and couldn't seem to line my glove up with a ball, even in warm-ups. I saw the looks in my coaches' eyes as they tried to find a place for me out of the way. And I thought, "I'm not good at sports." 

Later, I was not good at making friends. I wasn't good at video games. I was not a singer. I was not coordinated. I was not musical. When Algebra came along, I was not good at math. I wasn't artistic. I wasn't organized. I wasn't funny. The list kept growing. When I was in college, I was once asked to write a paper about myself and I suddenly felt like I was defined more by the things I was not rather than the person I was. 

I wish I could tell you I started focusing on my strengths and I have much more self-worth, but I've since learned that self-love is a lifelong process. However, in this process, I have learned that labels aren't so black and white. I may not have excelled in Algebra, but I am good at logic puzzles and sudoku. And honestly, I think I could have been good at math if I hadn't stopped trying in 7th grade when I believed that I wasn't good at it and never could be. Also, our perceptions of our self can be way off. Didn't a boy in my class always try to cheat off me in my junior year? Why did he do that if I was so bad? 

I may not be good at softball or basketball or any of the sports I was asked to do as a kid, but that doesn't mean I can't or don't want to be active. I love swimming laps, no longer worried about keeping my time. I feel energized when taking a hike when I'm not comparing my speed to those around me. I really enjoy yoga. My family still likes to tease me often about how uncoordinated I am, but honestly I don't feel that way anymore. Did I drop things and run into things and struggle with hand-eye-coordination growing up? Absolutely. I was growing into myself. Like with a lot of things on my "You Are Not" list, with time, practice, and patience with myself, I got better. 

I am not saying we can all be good at everything. We are each unique and that's what makes us beautiful. But some things like art and video games don't have to be a competition and I can find enjoyment without being "great." Some things, like organization, can get better as I learn about myself more and what works for me. Some things, like humor or beauty, are all a matter of perception.

Recently, the thing I am "not" has been a writer. For years, I haven't even attempted to write anything beyond this blog and I even stopped writing in here for the past 3 months. My self-talk said, "I am not a real writer. No one wants to read what I write. I don't have any good ideas." Is that the point though? Writing is a way of expressing and letting out feelings we have inside. I can write a story and it doesn't have to be publishable to be something I can be proud of. 

I hope all of you can focus on what brings you joy, pride, and/or satisfaction without labeling all the things you are "not." You ARE many amazing things. Those are the things that count.