Do you remember Easter egg hunts as a kid? When you rushed around the park or the back yard snatching up brightly-colored eggs? When it didn't matter what was inside the plastic shell as long as you filled up your basket? Or those moments of terrified panic when you no longer see any eggs anywhere but your basket only has two eggs in it? I loved those adrenaline-packed hunts. I really did. Lately, though, I feel as if I've been living my entire life like a full-time egg hunt. And it's exhausting.
I was a terrible Easter egg hunter for two reasons: 1.
I always panicked. When
your brain is under stress you don't make good decisions. I was never
looking around and problem solving. I was staring at just one area,
usually the ground and I was freaking out and then not finding anything.
I would even settle for the broken eggs that had been stepped on by
other hunters. 2.
I was too worried about everyone else. I would
be comparing my basket to those kids near me which led to more of problem #1. I
would hear others shouting, "Look up!" or "Over there!" and I was trying
to listen to everyone instead of taking a breath and thinking about my
own game plan.
To counteract this rushed, stressed egg-hunt mentality in my life, I've been working instead to empty my basket out. It started out small. I organized my classroom, ridding myself of the clutter of books or materials I had kept "just in case." KonMari's decluttering method suggests we ask "Does this bring me joy?" about all items we are holding onto in our lives. I'm not sure that all the remaining items in my classroom bring me great joy, but I can guarantee the organization now present in that room does. In fact, it brought me so much happiness that I continued the process in my home. I started throwing things in the trash. I starting selling items online. I gave things away. The empty spaces those joyless things once occupied made me feel lighter. I wasn't aware how much they had weighed me down until I untangled myself from them.
Then I moved away from material things. What is weighing me down mentally? The conclusion I came to was that the heaviest egg in my basket was my job. While teaching at my school has brought me so much joy in the past few years, it is like an egg that no longer contains my favorite candy. My tastes have changed and I no longer get excited to open it up each day. So, I resigned.
I believe the best teachers are happy teachers. The best teachers are passionate teachers. I need a new environment to become the best teacher I can be. Is it terrifying to have no job right now? Absolutely. Is it also the most freeing feeling in the world? I have never felt lighter.
One of the most memorable Easter egg hunts of my childhood happened inside the house. It wasn't the bright-colored plastic eggs, but real eggs that we had dyed the day before. My siblings and I were each responsible for finding the eggs we had personally dyed. I couldn't find my last egg anywhere. As my siblings collected their last eggs, I was left searching alone. Instead of panicking, though, I changed my mindset and made it into a challenge. I was determined. I climbed on chairs and crawled on the floor. I ended up recruiting my little sister to help me. Although I'm sure my perception of time at that age is exaggerated, I believe it took me over 30 minutes to find. I remember my dad making jokes about the egg going rotten. But when I did find it, it felt amazing.
Right now, I can't see the perfect egg in front of me. I don't know where I'm going. But my basket is ready for something new and I'm determined to find it. I know it will be amazing.
