I have been stalling on this post all day. The honest truth is, I don't have a clear favorite in absolutely any category for the Oscars tonight. I saw a lot of good movies. I didn't see any that blew me away. There are always years like that. But I wanted to throw my predictions out anyway. Here they are for every category:
Adapted Screenplay:
Who Will Win--BlacKkKlansman (it's a compelling true story that relates to current events)
My Favorite--The Ballad of Buster Scruggs (This is a screwball movie on Netflix, but it perfectly captured the feeling I have when I read short stories. I liked the format.)
Original Screenplay:
Who Will Win--Green Book (his son wrote this about his father--that's a special thing)
My Favorite--Green Book
Visual Effects:
Who Will Win--First Man (this is the most critically acclaimed of the nominees)
My Favorite--Avengers: Infinity War
Sound Editing:
Who Will Win--Bohemian Rhapsody
My Favorite--The Quiet Place (so unique!)
Sound Mixing:
Who Will Win-- Bohemian Rhapsody
My Favorite--A Star is Born
Production Design:
Who Will Win--Roma
My Favorite--Roma (He recreated his childhood home with props from his family. It was so believably 1970s Mexico.)
Original Song:
Who Will Win--Shallow from A Star is Born
My Favorite--All the Stars from Black Panther
Original Score:
Who Will Win--Mary Poppins Returns
My Favorite--Black Panther (I just thought the music made the movie special.)
Makeup and Hairstyling:
Who Will Win--Vice
My Favorite--Vice
Foreign Language Film:
Who Will Win--Roma
My Favorite--Roma (It is on Netflix. Beautifully made. Very possibly will win Best Picture, but is guaranteed this category.)
Film Editing:
Who Will Win--Bohemian Rhapsody
My Favorite--Green Book (Honestly, I don't really understand this category haha).
Live Action Short:
Who Will Win--Skin (It is the only American-made movie and hits on current ideas about race.)
My Favorite--Fauve (This was the only nominee I cried at this year.)
Animated Short:
Who Will Win--Bao (More people saw it since it was aired before Incredibles 2 and it was quality)
My Favorite--Weekends (Something about this stood out to me. It felt honest.)
Documentary Short:
Who Will Win--Period. End of Sentence. (This is the only one I've heard buzz about. I actually missed watching any of the documentaries, long or short, this year.)
Documentary Feature:
Who Will Win--Free Solo
Directing:
Who Will Win--Alfonso Cuaron for Roma
My Favorite--Alfonso Cuaron
Costume Design:
Who Will Win-- The Favourite (Sandy Powell is the BEST costume designer in the industry. Period. She is nominated for both this and Mary Poppins Returns (she did both projects at the same exact time--incredible!) but is more likely to win for The Favourite.
My Favorite--The Favourite (The costumes were the best part of that movie in my opinion.)
Cinematography:
Who Will Win--Roma
My Favourite--Roma
Animated Feature:
Who Will Win--Spider Man: Into the Spider-Verse
My Favorite-Spider-Man (unique animation and a good story)
Supporting Actress:
Who Will Win--Regina King for If Beale Street Could Talk
My Favorite--Emma Stone for The Favourite (I couldn't find Beale Street in theaters so unfortunately haven't seen that yet, so Regina will probably be my favorite based on the reviews I've heard, but Emma was my favorite performance of the others.)
Leading Actress:
Who Will Win--Glenn Close for The Wife (based on age and number of previous nominations)
My Favorite--Olivia Coleman for The Favourite (based on her comedic timing and priceless expressions)
Supporting Actor:
Who Will Win--Mahershala Ali for Green Book (although he won last year...the Academy loves him, for good reason)
My Favorite--Mahershala Ali (that man can act!)
Leading Actor:
Who Will Win--Rami Malek for Bohemian Rhapsody (He has won all awards so far and did really capture Freddie Mercury, no small accomplishment)
My Favorite--Bradley Cooper for A Star is Born (He impressed the hell out of me and even Rami couldn't outdo him in my opinion. Plus, I think Cooper was screwed out of the Oscar for Silver Linings Playbook in 2013).
And...drumroll please....
Best Picture:
Who Will Win--Green Book (It is between this and Roma, but I'm going to lock it in with Green Book)
My Favorite--Black Panther (It won't win based on genre, but it is the one I enjoyed the most of all of them. I will only be disappointed if Vice or BlacKkKlansman wins. Those were my least favorites...so they probably will win. That's usually how it works haha.)
Sunday, February 24, 2019
Monday, February 18, 2019
The Trouble with Advice
There have been times in all of our lives when we need help. We need to pick the brain of someone more experienced or see a situation from an outside perspective. When we are lost or confused, we often react by reaching out and asking those we trust for help. That's a wonderful thing. Here's the trouble...
Just as often as we need help, we also need those we love to "not help." How many times have you had an extremely frustrating day and called your mom, best friend, boyfriend, brother, wife, daughter etc.? And in those moments, when you feel shitty or tired or angry or sad, do you really want the person on the other end of the phone to start spewing advice, to give a lecture, or to be completely logical? I know I sure don't. I want that person to listen, not talk. I want that person to assure me that everything is going to be alright. I want them to tell me I'm justified in feeling the way I am feeling. More often than I'd like to admit, I simply want them to say, "I'm so sorry you had a bad day. I love you."
This doesn't mean that those giving advice are in the wrong. Obviously, when our friends or family are in distress, our natural instinct is to try to fix the problem for them. We want to jump in and do something or, at the very least, arm them with something so they can tackle the problem in the future. In that venture, though, we often unintentionally highlight their insecurities.
Let me give you an example of a situation that I have found myself in several times. A friend is complaining about her boyfriend to me. This boy has said something that really hurt my friend. This instantly makes me protective and angry. So I tell my friend, "You can't let him treat you like that. You need to stand up for yourself and tell him how you feel." In my head, this is a caring comment that shows I'm on her side. Right? But, now, not only is she upset about the treatment from her boyfriend; she's also insecure about her own actions. She might be thinking, "Am I letting people walk all over me?" or "Does Roxie think I'm weak?" This may cause her to shut down and not tell me the next time something happens because she doesn't want me to judge her. This may cause her to get defensive with me to defend herself. Either way, this well-meaning advice has compounded her problem.
Instead, I should have listened and asked questions to show I was engaged in her feelings. I should have reflected those feelings back with responses like "I'm so sorry he made you feel that way" or "I can understand why you would be angry."
A friend recently told me, "No one should ever tell you how you 'should feel' about something. Everyone has the right to feel in their own way." That seems like solid, obvious advice, but after he said it, I remember thinking of all the times I have been told "You should be happy that..." or "It's not the end of the world." People, while trying to calm me down or make me feel better, were dismissing my anxiety as something trivial, when I was seeking validation for emotions that were very upsetting to me.
All of this is not to say we should never give advice. Recently, though, I have made a goal for myself to listen to cues to understand if the people in my life are seeking advice or support. Phrases like "What do you think?" or "Do you think I should..." or "I'm not sure what to do" are all big, flashing signs that you definitely should offer some suggestions. In those moments, just saying "I believe in you" are not remotely helpful. But, if someone is venting or just telling me how they feel about a situation, I try not to interject.
Your emotions are legitimate. I'm listening.
Just as often as we need help, we also need those we love to "not help." How many times have you had an extremely frustrating day and called your mom, best friend, boyfriend, brother, wife, daughter etc.? And in those moments, when you feel shitty or tired or angry or sad, do you really want the person on the other end of the phone to start spewing advice, to give a lecture, or to be completely logical? I know I sure don't. I want that person to listen, not talk. I want that person to assure me that everything is going to be alright. I want them to tell me I'm justified in feeling the way I am feeling. More often than I'd like to admit, I simply want them to say, "I'm so sorry you had a bad day. I love you."
This doesn't mean that those giving advice are in the wrong. Obviously, when our friends or family are in distress, our natural instinct is to try to fix the problem for them. We want to jump in and do something or, at the very least, arm them with something so they can tackle the problem in the future. In that venture, though, we often unintentionally highlight their insecurities.
Let me give you an example of a situation that I have found myself in several times. A friend is complaining about her boyfriend to me. This boy has said something that really hurt my friend. This instantly makes me protective and angry. So I tell my friend, "You can't let him treat you like that. You need to stand up for yourself and tell him how you feel." In my head, this is a caring comment that shows I'm on her side. Right? But, now, not only is she upset about the treatment from her boyfriend; she's also insecure about her own actions. She might be thinking, "Am I letting people walk all over me?" or "Does Roxie think I'm weak?" This may cause her to shut down and not tell me the next time something happens because she doesn't want me to judge her. This may cause her to get defensive with me to defend herself. Either way, this well-meaning advice has compounded her problem.
Instead, I should have listened and asked questions to show I was engaged in her feelings. I should have reflected those feelings back with responses like "I'm so sorry he made you feel that way" or "I can understand why you would be angry."
A friend recently told me, "No one should ever tell you how you 'should feel' about something. Everyone has the right to feel in their own way." That seems like solid, obvious advice, but after he said it, I remember thinking of all the times I have been told "You should be happy that..." or "It's not the end of the world." People, while trying to calm me down or make me feel better, were dismissing my anxiety as something trivial, when I was seeking validation for emotions that were very upsetting to me.
All of this is not to say we should never give advice. Recently, though, I have made a goal for myself to listen to cues to understand if the people in my life are seeking advice or support. Phrases like "What do you think?" or "Do you think I should..." or "I'm not sure what to do" are all big, flashing signs that you definitely should offer some suggestions. In those moments, just saying "I believe in you" are not remotely helpful. But, if someone is venting or just telling me how they feel about a situation, I try not to interject.
Your emotions are legitimate. I'm listening.
Saturday, February 2, 2019
Growing Up in Small Town Nebraska...
I saw a post on Facebook recently about what it means to grow up in the "Midwest." I hate the term Midwest because it seems that everyone thinks they are part of it and it includes too many people to have a distinctive culture. While the article talked about saying "ope" and making casseroles, that is not the "Midwest" I grew up in. There were, however, many distinctive things about how I grew up that did relate to the article and I have made up some of my own.
-I spent Saturday afternoons singing along to the "Save Big Money at Menards" jingle while trying our every chair or swing in the patio furniture section while my parents collected their latest home improvement supplies.
-I would pull out a pound of beef from the deep freeze when I came home from school to thaw it out because 9/10 of our "suppers" required hamburger.
-I was more likely to see a deer (or three) than another car on the way home from a friend's house in the evening.
-Driving over two hours to Lincoln or Omaha felt like a "vacation" even though we just ate at someplace like Olive Garden and shopped at a bigger mall.
-I gave all directions in terms of time or landmarks instead of miles or street names: "It's the second turn after the red barn" or "I'd say it's about an hour away".
-I knew what every school gym looked like within a 100 radius because I'd seen at least two basketball games in any given one. I'd even critique them. "Let's bring our own food because their concession stand sucks." or "I like the purple bleachers at that school" or even better, "I hope they have walking tacos like last time!"
-When my grandma called to get a "treat", I knew we were going to the one ice cream place in town, "visiting" with everyone that happened to be there for an hour, and then delivering chocolate malts to the guys at the farm.
-I participated in some epic block-wide hide-and-seek or sardines games, in which we traipsed through every yard. We knew everyone on the block anyway (and I was related to quite a few of them!)
-I went trick-or-treating most years wearing layers or clothes under my costume.
-I still can't go through more than 2 days without having a conversation about the weather...and after it rains, I definitely want to go out and look at my rain gauge to see "what we got."
-I had to drive to a different town to do my driver's education test because we don't have stoplights or four lane roads.
Growing up in small town Nebraska....
-I spent Saturday afternoons singing along to the "Save Big Money at Menards" jingle while trying our every chair or swing in the patio furniture section while my parents collected their latest home improvement supplies.
-I would pull out a pound of beef from the deep freeze when I came home from school to thaw it out because 9/10 of our "suppers" required hamburger.
-I was more likely to see a deer (or three) than another car on the way home from a friend's house in the evening.
-Driving over two hours to Lincoln or Omaha felt like a "vacation" even though we just ate at someplace like Olive Garden and shopped at a bigger mall.
-I gave all directions in terms of time or landmarks instead of miles or street names: "It's the second turn after the red barn" or "I'd say it's about an hour away".
-I knew what every school gym looked like within a 100 radius because I'd seen at least two basketball games in any given one. I'd even critique them. "Let's bring our own food because their concession stand sucks." or "I like the purple bleachers at that school" or even better, "I hope they have walking tacos like last time!"
-When my grandma called to get a "treat", I knew we were going to the one ice cream place in town, "visiting" with everyone that happened to be there for an hour, and then delivering chocolate malts to the guys at the farm.
-I participated in some epic block-wide hide-and-seek or sardines games, in which we traipsed through every yard. We knew everyone on the block anyway (and I was related to quite a few of them!)
-I went trick-or-treating most years wearing layers or clothes under my costume.
-I still can't go through more than 2 days without having a conversation about the weather...and after it rains, I definitely want to go out and look at my rain gauge to see "what we got."
-I had to drive to a different town to do my driver's education test because we don't have stoplights or four lane roads.
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