So, last night I presented my capstone presentation for graduation and I was sooo emotional. Even after I was finished presenting I felt like I was shaking. I kept hugging all my cohort friends and professors and cooperating teachers. I cried. Even hours after the whole ordeal, I sat in bed and couldn't sleep. I kept thinking it must be because I was nervous about moving on to the "real world" or that I was sad to say goodbye to those friends I had seen in almost every class for two years. I finally calmed down and slept a few hours, taught another day of school, and attended another day of watching capstone presentations. And as I was sitting there among friends and celebrating our success and progress, it hit me hard:
I Don't Want to Leave.
I don't mean that I don't want to graduate because I am definitely ready for that. But upon my high school graduation I couldn't wait to get out and do something new and meet new people. I felt chained down and wanted to be free. I just assumed that another graduation meant another transition to a new place with new people again. But this time around I don't feel chained at all. In fact, I feel supported. I have a community of all different kinds of people in Lincoln that lift me up in all different ways. Moving, instead of freeing me, would feel like falling. Here, I can continue to go enjoy the Haymarket with friends. Here, I can visit campus and still go to Husker football games. Here, I can work much more closely to the teachers and peers I respect and love to work with. Here, in Lincoln, is my home.
So...I don't think I'm leaving. I don't have to. Maybe I can get hired in a nearby school like Seward or Waverly. Maybe Lincoln Public Schools will realize what they're missing and actually call me for an interview somewhere ;) If absolutely nothing else, I can definitely get a sub certificate and take a year to figure out my life. I'm going to be okay. In this moment, I feel so little stress. And it feels so good.
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